Where Can I Meet More Mature People?

A likely reason why Americans are becoming more infantile is because much of us live lives in which we actually don’t have to be mature. There are several life avenues for adults in which they can act highly immature and suffer no consequences. And people have far less healthy fear than they used to, largely because of a decline in social pressures.

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Agreed 100% here. @BrickHead

Used to be that poor behavior was immediately condemned and dealt with by whoever was around. Starting with kids…most grown-ups had no problem correcting neighborhood kids and telling their parents what was happening. Nowadays, parents get incensed if someone even implies that their children arent perfect and worthy of adulation.

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Some would.

out and about, bars, and it’s the year 2019 so ONLINE

While I generally agree with your sentiment, I’m not sure how our situation today differs from years past. The social pressure one may or may not experience is, and always has been, more related to the social circles you travel in. Are social circles composed of layabouts and losers larger now, somehow facilitating more immature behavior with no consequences?

Maybe they are. I suppose we need to ask the hippies.

I think the same general set of consequences has always been there. If you lead an infantile life as an adult that will always carry consequences. Always has, always will. You won’t make as much money. You won’t attract a good mate. Your children might end up being fucked up, perhaps even more than they would otherwise. You’ll probably be less happy, and achieve much less in life.

Perhaps people today are just okay with those consequences in a way that they weren’t before.

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I wouldn’t say layabouts and losers absolutely because, like I said, some of the most immature people I know are rich or upper-middle class. As mentioned in a previous post above, the most immature man I know, is a former close “friend”, now 40 years old, with a powerful, rich father. He does hold down part of the family business that was given to him with the help of his brother, amazingly so considering what I have called “his pathological immaturity” when discussing him to others who know him. And when I say pathological, I mean it literally. I’ve had others who have met him briefly and shared only a few words with him, ask me, “What’s wrong with that guy?” and “Why is he looking at me like that?”

The two other most immature men I’ve known are a physiatrist and his father, who has always been middle class and made a decent living. I once had a doctor for a co-worker who would take his glass eye out for a spoof and routinely tell off-putting, stupid jokes to people.

I don’t think we need to look to boomer hippies. One can simply not even leave one’s home, log onto Instagram and see people of all ages not dealing with a full deck. Leaving the house can further show one just how much immaturity is out there.

There used to be far more social pressure in the West generally.

In some cases yes, but not in others, because there are alright, even high-earning and responsible people out there who will put up with an immature mate for whatever reason. Mr. Immature who I mentioned above actually has a decent, responsible, highly educated wife who he routinely schemed to cheat on. I’ve knew her for nearly 20 years. Though not drop dead gorgeous, she’d be a catch for most standup men. But when one lives in a “super zip” with a husband with enormous resources, all kinds of concessions might be made.

In some ways, people with both enormous resources and people with little to lose, the underclass, can get away with irresponsibility and immaturity. The rich can afford to be reckless and much of the underclass does not care about the consequences of their actions, which is partly why many are in such a class.

If I were single and not involved with my family, I could get away with being less responsible and immature. While I’m generally mature, I am a man in 2019 with access to the net, which gives way to immature behavior. As of now, I only post pictures of family and friends and fun times on my closed IG account, only accessible to family and friends. Being it is a closed account, I thought it would be the place where I could let a little loose and post whatever I wanted, including some silly or unsavory content, sort of like inside-joking and venting. Fast forward and I get a call from my uncle saying, “Get that s–t off your account! You post dumb s—t, I’m giving you a hard time!” I’ve also shaken off some bad behaviors I used to be prone to, mostly because of my wife. That’s actually what social pressure is all about.

Absolutely. It is my contention that this social pressure has always existed and always will exist among people who find it acceptable to hold each other accountable to certain standards. In my admittedly small circles, that’s what we call being a family member or friend.

IIRC, you’re in the greater NYC area. Whatever you see isn’t normal for anywhere besides large metro areas. Powerful, rich fathers unfortunately (or perhaps not?) remain a rarity for most people. They and the psychiatrists in your personal circles may seem normal, but they’re not. Granted, I imagine life in NYC or any other large metro area is “normal” for an awful lot of people, but I think you are dramatically overestimating the decline of decency in today’s society.

The internet might make us believe otherwise. It is, after all, fairly easy to connect to the internet and conclude that we’ve reached peak stupidity. I also think it is fairly plain to see that the loudest voices have a way of being brought to our attention most readily in 2019. They get the most clicks, views, retweets and ad revenue. The internet is a business, and the business of smut is just as booming as it has ever been.

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Online dating is heavily tilted to the woman’s advantage. Men will tend to underachieve there, while women can make out like gangbusters.

This is one possible silver-lining scenario of social pressure. Mostly, it’s just whatever the given society perceives to be amoral, and even that is generally based on widespread insecurities. I understand you’re very aligned with traditional family values, but you must be aware that social pressure is not only there to shame people into being model family members. There’s social pressure to be promiscuous, social pressure to achieve an unachievable look/physique, the list goes on and on. It’s normal to like the specific strain of social pressure that forces people to think exactly like you do.

@greenboy man, if you have a hard time getting a woman online, I pity you, from the bottom of my soul.

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Is that what my post said? Really? let me go back and read it… nope, that’s not what it said. Stop fucking projecting. You do this every time.

Have you tried getting your shit together?

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The king of projection, doing his thang. If it was easy for you to get a woman online, you wouldn’t spend time quantifying the difficulty between genders.

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What does that have to do with online dating?

Pretty much everything from what I’ve been able to tell. I’m presently in my first real foray into that world, but I don’t feel like it is at all tilted against me.

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Mr Projection.

Online dating is easy if your pictures aren’t god awful. No one said it was difficult, at least not me. I said that the advantage tilts heavily in favor of the females. There is an overabundance of males on those apps. furthermore, the women know how to manipulate their photos better than the men (maybe that is changing and dudes are going full blown filter wars) so men tend to swipe on girls thinking ‘wow she’s attractive’ while most men have shitty pictures despite maybe being a good looking dude in person. There’s various other factors at play that make online dating a goddamn choir for dudes looking for a real catch.

And for the record, I ‘quantify the difficulty between genders’ because it is something that interests me. I travel A LOT, and I notice things happening in the states that I do not notice elsewhere, at least not yet. I really wish some of you didn’t make it personal, because then we could have real conversation but I already tried that before and it failed miserably.

Ok, indulge me. How do you come across that you “have your shit together” on your profile? Do you explicitly say this? do you posts pics of you and your house ? cool car? I mean I dunno how that works without coming off like a douchebag, which I’m sure does work for some women.

You’ve literally only made posts to complain about the superiority of females on this forum. That’s all you’ve done. And then you mention your animosity towards your mother, and start talking about wives blowing the first guy they meet, and man, it’s a Freudian wet dream with you, and when you get called out for projecting, your immediate response is to permanently thereafter accuse me of projecting. There’s nothing in my responses that could be construed as projection. Honestly, I don’t even know if you understand the term. I wish I had the patience to dip my toes back into this cesspool instead of diving in, but man, you are just as sad as the last time we talked. Sending hugs your way.

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You’re attempting to psychoanalyze someone online and then assuming whatever conclusion you have come up with about said person is accurate.

That is pretty astounding.

I just tried to be me, and bragging about income, possessions and general material wealth isn’t me. I really didn’t do much at all with my profile aside from a picture and some simple words. I think most women, or at least the ones I might be interested in, are able to ascertain for themselves whether or not I have my shit together. It isn’t something you really need to raise a flag to signal about.

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They can ascertain all this from your pictures? I’m lost.