When Did You Last Cry and Why?

Off Topic
21

When I watched Up a few weeks ago, I always cry at the end when

**** SPOILER*****

When Carl turns up to Russells’ boy scout meeting, because Carl knew Russells’ dad wasn’t going to show, and when he puts the grape soda lid on his lapel, I cry like a new born baby.

Having an non existent dad makes you vulnerable to any show of fatherly love. I had to leave the cinema at the end of jack frost due to the stream of tears running down my face and the howl of a pained buffalo coming out my mouth. ( I was only 7 at the time though)

22

[quote]Grumpig Hunt wrote:
My Grandad died 2 weeks ago, but I seem to be the only one who hasn’t cried. The guy was like my surrogate father when I was growing up, a truly awesome person; yet I just feel kinda numb to it, like it hasn’t really happened. I fly back to the UK in a couple of days for his funeral, and I just hope it all comes out sooner rather than later. I can’t remember the last time I fully blubbed, but then again I guess the ‘emotional numbing’ could be a side effect of (previous) SSRI use.

:edit: Last time I blubbed (and in public, too) was when I was sitting at a bar with friends and got the phone call that one of our mates had gone and blown his head off in the bush (we were in Tanzania at the time). That’s round about the time I had a relapse and had to go back on SSRIs. The worst thing was that I felt guilty for never noticing that he was depressed, I always imagined that I could have helped or saved him.[/quote]

Sounds like it could also be just from you’re depression as well… I was on an SSRI before and the most i’ve been emotionally numb was from de personalization… When the mind is too stressed or overwhelmed it activates a protective mechanism that minorly dissociates you or numbs you from you’re emotions, connections with those around you and you’re basic perception… its like putting on a different pair of glasses and seeing a different perspective. Mine was from anxiety but it can happen from depression all the same, its basically like the mind saying this is too much to handle right now, I am shutting these aspects down to deal with later…

On a side note rarely if ever did I cry in my life even in the roughest situations until more recently… I have been crying alot randomly lately from what feels like an emotional release; basically felt like someone shot an arrow through my heart and everything became way closer and more intimate then ever before.

23

[quote]Big Kahuna wrote:

[quote]FarmerBrett wrote:

[quote]Big Kahuna wrote:

I hate that notion, I can understand it from a strong, leadership perspective, [/quote]

Yeah. I wouldn’t suggest doing it in public. I have a gay neighbour in Portugal who went into the village bar and sat crying by himself because he’d lost his dog, in the literal sense, it didn’t die. The locals stood around and just laughed at him. They didn’t like him in the first place for being gay (they are a bit behind the times in rural areas) now they have no respect for him at all.[/quote]

Hispanic countries are like that a lot I find, I also find it strange at the amount of homophobic British ex-pats here as well, there might be a few more logically inclined people I’ve met, but the overwhelming majority are highly virulent and resentful. I know of two separate transgender karaoke singers (also surprisingly abundant.) that have been violently beaten by groups of attackers, mostly due to the tendencies to cross-dress and feminine behavioural attitudes. They flirt a lot with unsuspecting heterosexual men in public venues too, I assume that has something to do with it eventually.[/quote]

I can see how flirting with unknowing heterosexual men in a still quite conservative Catholic country might not go down too well. I can’t imagine how the old guys in the village here would react to a cross dressing, transgender person. I doubt they’ve ever come across one before.

It’s especially difficult dealing with the ostracism for my neighbour as he’s moved from Brighton (The UK’s equivalent of San Francisco) talk about culture shock. I suppose it could have been worse, he could have moved to Dubai.

He doesn’t exactly help himself. He’s also a Free-gan (eats out of bins) they just can’t understand why someone would do that either.

24

[quote]batman730 wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]batman730 wrote:

[quote]FarmerBrett wrote:

[quote]Big Kahuna wrote:

I hate that notion, I can understand it from a strong, leadership perspective, [/quote]

Yeah. I wouldn’t suggest doing it in public.[/quote]

This.

“Men don’t cry” is emotionally crippled B.S. “Men don’t cry in public” (except under truly extraordinary circumstances) is generally pretty solid advice, IMO.

There is a time to keep it together and a time to surrender to the enormity of the moment. A guy oughta know the difference. [/quote]
Grossman (“On Combat”) says “Warriors cry at the funeral, but not in the field.”
[/quote]

Yep. I find I rarely disagree with Grossman.[/quote]

Yeah Grossman’s the man. Makes a mean pasta sauce too :wink:

25

[quote]Chushin wrote:

Grossman (“On Combat”) says “Warriors cry at the funeral, but not in the field.”
[/quote]
Huh that’s a pretty neat quote. That’s how it’s always been for me, although I’ve never really thought about it that way.

Last time was a couple years back when my horn teacher of 6 years died very unexpectedly. I was totally fine until they started getting into the funeral then I turned into a goddamn train wreck. I just sat in the back of the church by myself and basically bawled uncontrollably. Some random woman came up after the service just as I had composed myself and asked me how I’d known him, but as soon as I tried to answer I just lost it again lol. Guy was a huge mentor of mine. I think I was so upset because of what a unique personality and great teacher he was. I thought of all the students who were robbed of that experience. Such an unbelievable waste.

26

[quote]Loolu wrote:
When I watched Up a few weeks ago

[/quote]

Up is an amazing film. The fact that they can move people so effectively through animation is all the more impressive. Just that sequence when they meet, marry, have kids etc kills me.

Shadowlands is the film that gets me every time. I didn’t actually cry (see that’s just what I’m talking about, I don’t think men should be ashamed to cry and then I feel it’s important to point out that I didn’t) but, I’m glad nobody spoke to me because I wouldn’t have been able to speak because of the giant lump in my throat that was so big it was almost painful.

What is the lump in the throat thing about anyway, physiologically speaking?

27

It was at the funeral of one of my co-worker.
He died suddenly after a stroke. He wasn’t 60 year old yet, and he had a 8 year old daugther.
What make me cry is the fact that dozens of his students, even those who are usually the hardest to discipline, spontaneously came to the funerals and stood there, giving him a fuckingly impressive silent hommage.

28

[quote]csulli wrote:

Last time was a couple years back when my horn teacher of 6 years died very unexpectedly. I was totally fine until they started getting into the funeral then I turned into a goddamn train wreck. I just sat in the back of the church by myself and basically bawled uncontrollably. Some random woman came up after the service just as I had composed myself and asked me how I’d known him, but as soon as I tried to answer I just lost it again lol. Guy was a huge mentor of mine. I think I was so upset because of what a unique personality and great teacher he was. I thought of all the students who were robbed of that experience. Such an unbelievable waste.[/quote]

That sounds like a normal reaction to me. It would be weirder to not be like that.

I was the same at my Grandad’s funeral when I was about 9, a complete emotional wreck. It was my first experience of death apart from a guinea pig. For several weeks afterwards I would go to bed and cry myself to sleep. I think it was the enormity of realising that I would never see him again. I just couldn’t accept the finality of it, I would convince myself it was a dream, that I’d wake up the next day and he’d be alive, I’d make pacts with God and the Devil to bring him back, you name it, I think it’s called being in denial, LOL.

29

[quote]FarmerBrett wrote:

[quote]Loolu wrote:
When I watched Up a few weeks ago

[/quote]

Up is an amazing film. The fact that they can move people so effectively through animation is all the more impressive. Just that sequence when they meet, marry, have kids etc kills me.

Shadowlands is the film that gets me every time. I didn’t actually cry (see that’s just what I’m talking about, I don’t think men should be ashamed to cry and then I feel it’s important to point out that I didn’t) but, I’m glad nobody spoke to me because I wouldn’t have been able to speak because of the giant lump in my throat that was so big it was almost painful.

What is the lump in the throat thing about anyway, physiologically speaking?[/quote]

Its all due to my Dad leaving when I was 2-3 years old. The thing is I didn’t even know I had an issue with it until about 3 years ago, until me and my girlfriend of the time were talking bout our families whilst sitting in bed. The subject got on to my dad and I spoke about him for like the first time in 16 years and I just broke down into a massive wreck, but I’m so glad I did it felt like a massive weight off my chest and it broke down the mental barrier I had so I could finally talk to my mum about it.

It properly fucked me knowing that he left and didn’t look back, but then I though do I want that man in my life? This is a man whom my only memory of is him promising to take me to the aquarium and then taking me to a garden centre that sold fish, way to disappoint a toddler. Its not all shit though, his absence taught me the importance of being a man and the importance of a close family.

30

At a mates funeral. I held it together pretty well, but as his coffin was being lowered into the ground, his old man have him a final thumbs up. Even as I was stood to attention (military funeral), I absolutely lost it. Was a struggle to remain upright.
Miss the fuck out of him

I also get a bit dusty-eyed when The Last Post is played on ANZAC day

31

[quote]Loolu wrote:

[quote]FarmerBrett wrote:

[quote]Loolu wrote:
When I watched Up a few weeks ago

[/quote]

Up is an amazing film. The fact that they can move people so effectively through animation is all the more impressive. Just that sequence when they meet, marry, have kids etc kills me.

Shadowlands is the film that gets me every time. I didn’t actually cry (see that’s just what I’m talking about, I don’t think men should be ashamed to cry and then I feel it’s important to point out that I didn’t) but, I’m glad nobody spoke to me because I wouldn’t have been able to speak because of the giant lump in my throat that was so big it was almost painful.

What is the lump in the throat thing about anyway, physiologically speaking?[/quote]

Its all due to my Dad leaving when I was 2-3 years old. The thing is I didn’t even know I had an issue with it until about 3 years ago, until me and my girlfriend of the time were talking bout our families whilst sitting in bed. The subject got on to my dad and I spoke about him for like the first time in 16 years and I just broke down into a massive wreck, but I’m so glad I did it felt like a massive weight off my chest and it broke down the mental barrier I had so I could finally talk to my mum about it. It properly fucked me knowing that he left and didn’t look back, but then I though do I want that man in my life? This is a man whom my only memory of is him promising to take me to the aquarium and then taking me to a garden centre that sold fish, way to disappoint a toddler.
[/quote]

Have you tried to contact your Father or don’t you want to? have you got all the details? We don’t remember things that clearly when we are young and can easily be fed propaganda by the other parent. I’m not saying that’s true in your case, but it might help to hear both sides. Not every absent Father is a loser. Some just don’t win court cases, especially in the past when the kids always went to the Mother and Fathers had very few visitation rights.

My parents divorced when I was 2 and I have never seen my Father. My Mother told us when we asked about him when growing up that if we ever tried to find him that that would be the last we saw of her. Emotional blackmail or what? Now I’m older I realise that my Mother has and has always had borderline mental health problems and that my Father may not have been quite the villain she portrayed him as.

I go through phases of wanting to try to find him, but he’s got his own life now, a new family, children, grandchildren etc and I wouldn’t want to fuck that up for him.

Also, I know nothing but his first name and surname (the most common surname in Britain, well used to be, so not much help there) no date of birth even and the only person who could help me would be my Mother and that’s not going to happen.

[quote]Loolu wrote: Its not all shit though, his absence taught me the importance of being a man and the importance of a close family.
[/quote]

Great attitude!

This thread is turning in to a therapy session.

32

[quote]FarmerBrett wrote:

[quote]Loolu wrote:

[quote]FarmerBrett wrote:

[quote]Loolu wrote:
When I watched Up a few weeks ago

[/quote]

Up is an amazing film. The fact that they can move people so effectively through animation is all the more impressive. Just that sequence when they meet, marry, have kids etc kills me.

Shadowlands is the film that gets me every time. I didn’t actually cry (see that’s just what I’m talking about, I don’t think men should be ashamed to cry and then I feel it’s important to point out that I didn’t) but, I’m glad nobody spoke to me because I wouldn’t have been able to speak because of the giant lump in my throat that was so big it was almost painful.

What is the lump in the throat thing about anyway, physiologically speaking?[/quote]

Its all due to my Dad leaving when I was 2-3 years old. The thing is I didn’t even know I had an issue with it until about 3 years ago, until me and my girlfriend of the time were talking bout our families whilst sitting in bed. The subject got on to my dad and I spoke about him for like the first time in 16 years and I just broke down into a massive wreck, but I’m so glad I did it felt like a massive weight off my chest and it broke down the mental barrier I had so I could finally talk to my mum about it. It properly fucked me knowing that he left and didn’t look back, but then I though do I want that man in my life? This is a man whom my only memory of is him promising to take me to the aquarium and then taking me to a garden centre that sold fish, way to disappoint a toddler.
[/quote]

Have you tried to contact your Father or don’t you want to? have you got all the details? We don’t remember things that clearly when we are young and can easily be fed propaganda by the other parent. I’m not saying that’s true in your case, but it might help to hear both sides. Not every absent Father is a loser. Some just don’t win court cases, especially in the past when the kids always went to the Mother and Fathers had very few visitation rights.

My parents divorced when I was 2 and I have never seen my Father. My Mother told us when we asked about him when growing up that if we ever tried to find him that that would be the last we saw of her. Emotional blackmail or what? Now I’m older I realise that my Mother has and has always had borderline mental health problems and that my Father may not have been quite the villain she portrayed him as.

I go through phases of wanting to try to find him, but he’s got his own life now, a new family, children, grandchildren etc and I wouldn’t want to fuck that up for him.

Also, I know nothing but his first name and surname (the most common surname in Britain, well used to be, so not much help there) no date of birth even and the only person who could help me would be my Mother and that’s not going to happen.

[quote]Loolu wrote: Its not all shit though, his absence taught me the importance of being a man and the importance of a close family.
[/quote]

Great attitude!

This thread is turning in to a therapy session.[/quote]

It was a very sore subject with my mum when I brought it up for the first time she didn’t give all the information that she had, but I don’t hold it against her its a hard subject for her. I was lucky that my older sister was willing to help me find him, and dispute searching me couldn’t find any records of him, or contact details in the UK or Ireland (which is where his from and lives). What did throw me off though was finding out that he had 2 sons and a daughter that I had never been told about. That was the worst part being separated from siblings you weren’t even told about. As fir him being a loser I don’t think he is my uncle(on my mums’ side) has nothing but praise for my dad, I just wish that possible he could have fought to see me more, but as you say im too young to remember the details.

And as for your story that’s really rough man do you know where he grew up or anything along those lines or what he did for a living? I mean it might be easier to find that surname in his home town or at least in the local records.

And yeah this thread has turned in Britain’s lost fathers.

33

[quote]02Thief wrote:
as his coffin was being lowered into the ground, his old man have him a final thumbs up.[/quote]

That made me go goose pimpley.

A similar thing happened at my wife’s brother’s funeral. His best friend laid a tin of tobacco and some Rizzlers on his coffin just as it was being lowered into the ground.

Witnessing that very personal, symbolic goodbye gesture was almost too much for some to take.

34

[quote]Loolu wrote:
I just wish that possible he could have fought to see me more,
[/quote]

Maybe he did. I’m guessing you’re mid twenties from what you’ve said, things may have improved by then a bit, but in my case (we’re talking 40 years ago) courts didn’t value the Father’s role at all (Society is just finding out now how important Fathers are) The Mother got full custody and maintenance and the Father got a couple of hours every second Sunday. My Mother also moved us half way across the country shortly afterwards, deliberately I think, making it very difficult I imagine, for my Father to see us.

She did marry again a couple of years later to a man who, to be fair, fed and clothed me but never showed me any affection. He never once hugged me, or kicked a ball with me or told me he was proud of me. He once took me to work with him one Saturday morning and when a rather attractive secretary remarked upon how much like him I looked, said quick as a flash “oh he’s not mine”. Ouch, way to break a young boy’s heart.

I’m not bitter though, I just think it’s a shame because at two years old, with no memories of my birth Father, I could have been brought me up as his own. I idolised him, but he couldn’t get over the fact that I didn’t have his DNA.

Oh well, I guess my hour’s up! Same time next week?

35

[quote]batman730 wrote:

[quote]FarmerBrett wrote:

[quote]Big Kahuna wrote:

I hate that notion, I can understand it from a strong, leadership perspective, [/quote]

Yeah. I wouldn’t suggest doing it in public.[/quote]

This.

“Men don’t cry” is emotionally crippled B.S. “Men don’t cry in public” (except under truly extraordinary circumstances) is generally pretty solid advice, IMO.

There is a time to keep it together and a time to surrender to the enormity of the moment. A guy oughta know the difference. [/quote]

I think this holds true for women, too.

36

At several notable moments in my life I have not cried: my grandmother’s death, my parents’ rejection of my beliefs and life path, breakups, etc. I think I’ve come to a point where I have a hard time feeling sorry for myself. My life has been good and I am grateful for every day I get to live it. It’s an odd turnaround, because as a kid (up until freshman year of high school) I cried a lot. If I was in physical pain, when someone made fun of me, especially when I got angry. It was more of an emotional outlet than a sign of sadness. The last time I cried over something personal like that was when I got cut freshman year from the basketball team (the next year I made varsity - thanks T-Nation). Nowadays I laugh at the things that once made me cry. Pain (as I suspect many of you will understand) is my friend. It tells me when I’m doing something right, or when I am focused on the correct parts of my life.

The things that do make me cry are equally odd. I’ve been to a lot of places in the world and seen a lot of poverty. Poverty is hard to watch, but I force myself to. I cry when I see incredible moments of human (or for that matter, animal) resilience. The smiling child squatting naked in a field full of trash, covered by flies and mosquitoes. There is a pitiable sight. There is a thing to feel for, if you allow yourself to. I wept for a full 15 minutes after I saw that kid in India, and I was not the same for days (or ever, really).

Aside from that, on a more personal level, beauty in nature can pull a couple of tears out of me. Getting to the top Mt Lemmon, seeing the Himalayas for the first time, and trekking through the rainforest have been the deepest religious/spiritual experiences of my life.

In essence, the things I cry for are the things I’ve dedicated my life to serving and working with. They are the things worth living for.

37

A week ago Friday at the airport as my 13 year old son flew back to Indiana after visiting for Spring Break. I hadn’t seen him since the week of Thanksgiving, and won’t see him again until he moves here in August. Sat in a chair in the airport watching him roll down the runway through tears.

38

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]batman730 wrote:

[quote]FarmerBrett wrote:

[quote]Big Kahuna wrote:

I hate that notion, I can understand it from a strong, leadership perspective, [/quote]

Yeah. I wouldn’t suggest doing it in public.[/quote]

This.

“Men don’t cry” is emotionally crippled B.S. “Men don’t cry in public” (except under truly extraordinary circumstances) is generally pretty solid advice, IMO.

There is a time to keep it together and a time to surrender to the enormity of the moment. A guy oughta know the difference. [/quote]

I think this holds true for women, too.
[/quote]

Don’t go all feminist on us, women cry over everything.

39

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]batman730 wrote:

[quote]FarmerBrett wrote:

[quote]Big Kahuna wrote:

I hate that notion, I can understand it from a strong, leadership perspective, [/quote]

Yeah. I wouldn’t suggest doing it in public.[/quote]

This.

“Men don’t cry” is emotionally crippled B.S. “Men don’t cry in public” (except under truly extraordinary circumstances) is generally pretty solid advice, IMO.

There is a time to keep it together and a time to surrender to the enormity of the moment. A guy oughta know the difference. [/quote]

I think this holds true for women, too.
[/quote]

This may very well be true.

However, at risk of reinforcing outmoded and currently unpopular stereotypes, I would submit that in our culture it is more socially acceptable for women to weep more openly, frequently and unreservedly than men. I would further submit, that for the time being at least, women tend to exercise this “freedom” more often than men.

I don’t see this in a negative light or as a sign of “weakness” at all. On the contrary, I think it’s a very positive thing for relationships, families and society at large. Tht being said, I don’t want to turn this into yet another men vs. women, modern feminism vs. traditional gender roles discussion. I don’t think that was the OP’s intent.

40

[quote]Loolu wrote:
Its all due to my Dad leaving when I was 2-3 years old. The thing is I didn’t even know I had an issue with it until about 3 years ago, until me and my girlfriend of the time were talking bout our families whilst sitting in bed. The subject got on to my dad and I spoke about him for like the first time in 16 years and I just broke down into a massive wreck, but I’m so glad I did it felt like a massive weight off my chest and it broke down the mental barrier I had so I could finally talk to my mum about it.

It properly fucked me knowing that he left and didn’t look back, but then I though do I want that man in my life? This is a man whom my only memory of is him promising to take me to the aquarium and then taking me to a garden centre that sold fish, way to disappoint a toddler. Its not all shit though, his absence taught me the importance of being a man and the importance of a close family.
[/quote]
I know that feeling man, grew up without a real dad. He was treating my mom very bad (even physical violence) and I can’t remember a single moment when he was there for me. My mother got really depressive during my childhood, she had to take prescription drugs and at some point even played with the idea of puting me next to her in the car seat, and driving full speed into a wall. So that my dad would not get me and she would be free. She told me that 4 years before and that hit me like a solid punch. I have dreams about the memories of her getting beaten in front of me, and Im again 5 years old with no fucking way to do something about it.
When I was 14 he returned to us and they both (my mom and him) got into a fight. the moment he was starting to beat her and she started to scream I ran into the room and went nuts. I was punching my own dad in the face with full force. Not trying to say that he was hurt physically but it obviously shocked him that his own son would try to hurt him.
Up to this point I still sort of had hopes like “Im going to see my dad on the weekends, we’re going to have a good time”, but from then on I lost ANY kind of respect or feeling for this man. I know that I cried for a long time that night. It took a couple of therapy sessions util I was able to sleep again. Havent seen my dad for about 5 years now, and LIFE IS GOOD.

Last year a friend of mine got me to talk about that when I was drunk. Completely lost it half way through the story and was sobing my heart out. That was the last time I remember I cried.