[quote]FarmerBrett wrote:
[quote]Loolu wrote:
[quote]FarmerBrett wrote:
[quote]Loolu wrote:
When I watched Up a few weeks ago
[/quote]
Up is an amazing film. The fact that they can move people so effectively through animation is all the more impressive. Just that sequence when they meet, marry, have kids etc kills me.
Shadowlands is the film that gets me every time. I didn’t actually cry (see that’s just what I’m talking about, I don’t think men should be ashamed to cry and then I feel it’s important to point out that I didn’t) but, I’m glad nobody spoke to me because I wouldn’t have been able to speak because of the giant lump in my throat that was so big it was almost painful.
What is the lump in the throat thing about anyway, physiologically speaking?[/quote]
Its all due to my Dad leaving when I was 2-3 years old. The thing is I didn’t even know I had an issue with it until about 3 years ago, until me and my girlfriend of the time were talking bout our families whilst sitting in bed. The subject got on to my dad and I spoke about him for like the first time in 16 years and I just broke down into a massive wreck, but I’m so glad I did it felt like a massive weight off my chest and it broke down the mental barrier I had so I could finally talk to my mum about it. It properly fucked me knowing that he left and didn’t look back, but then I though do I want that man in my life? This is a man whom my only memory of is him promising to take me to the aquarium and then taking me to a garden centre that sold fish, way to disappoint a toddler.
[/quote]
Have you tried to contact your Father or don’t you want to? have you got all the details? We don’t remember things that clearly when we are young and can easily be fed propaganda by the other parent. I’m not saying that’s true in your case, but it might help to hear both sides. Not every absent Father is a loser. Some just don’t win court cases, especially in the past when the kids always went to the Mother and Fathers had very few visitation rights.
My parents divorced when I was 2 and I have never seen my Father. My Mother told us when we asked about him when growing up that if we ever tried to find him that that would be the last we saw of her. Emotional blackmail or what? Now I’m older I realise that my Mother has and has always had borderline mental health problems and that my Father may not have been quite the villain she portrayed him as.
I go through phases of wanting to try to find him, but he’s got his own life now, a new family, children, grandchildren etc and I wouldn’t want to fuck that up for him.
Also, I know nothing but his first name and surname (the most common surname in Britain, well used to be, so not much help there) no date of birth even and the only person who could help me would be my Mother and that’s not going to happen.
[quote]Loolu wrote: Its not all shit though, his absence taught me the importance of being a man and the importance of a close family.
[/quote]
Great attitude!
This thread is turning in to a therapy session.[/quote]
It was a very sore subject with my mum when I brought it up for the first time she didn’t give all the information that she had, but I don’t hold it against her its a hard subject for her. I was lucky that my older sister was willing to help me find him, and dispute searching me couldn’t find any records of him, or contact details in the UK or Ireland (which is where his from and lives). What did throw me off though was finding out that he had 2 sons and a daughter that I had never been told about. That was the worst part being separated from siblings you weren’t even told about. As fir him being a loser I don’t think he is my uncle(on my mums’ side) has nothing but praise for my dad, I just wish that possible he could have fought to see me more, but as you say im too young to remember the details.
And as for your story that’s really rough man do you know where he grew up or anything along those lines or what he did for a living? I mean it might be easier to find that surname in his home town or at least in the local records.
And yeah this thread has turned in Britain’s lost fathers.