When are Side Chicks Ok

[quote]ryanbCXG wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]ryanbCXG wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]thehebrewhero wrote:
Its more a emotional penalty on your kids. Im saying why make your kids move, get a new home, live a less better life, and get a new step dad all cuz Mommy is selfish. Get ass elswhere dont get caught everyone wins. Give her a altimatim say hey if you aint givin it up Im getting it elswhere if you catch me cool if not cool. How come the womans feelings always trump the mans?? All the sudden we dont count. [/quote]
Your family life together might be an even bigger emotional burden on your kids. It happens. There ARE cases where kids ended up better off if their parents separated.

Also, is any of this even real or are you just trolling? Your life seems insane. Are you a real person who apparently owns a business, does tons of drugs, and can’t spell “ultimatum”?[/quote]

Im glad my parents divorced. It was obvious they werent happy and it wasnt working out. Best for everyone
[/quote]

Well, you seem to be 25.

Wait a few years, lets see how unaffected you really are. [/quote]

Care to expand rather than making a completely ambiguous statement?
[/quote]

Some things just take time to come up.

Maybe you find out that your relationships always fail for the same reasons, some assumptions about how the world works you are not even aware of.

Maybe you have kids and you run into problems relating to them.

I dont know, as I said, these things are like IEDs on the side of the road, as long as you dont drive by one, they dont go off.

[quote]ryanbCXG wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

[quote]ryanbCXG wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
LOL at all the white knights calling “cheating” chicken shit or advising someone to get a divorce (which takes a year or more) BEFORE you get some. LMFAO
[/quote]
You’re being ridiculously literal. There’s no lock on your dick that comes off once the judge signs a paper. What people are saying is that you make it known that things are over. Start the process, whatever. I know how long it takes, but if you’re fucking married to someone you at least owe it to them to make it known that a divorce is gonna happen and the union is no longer exclusive. Don’t just go behind their back and wait and see if they ask. I mean why? YOU are the one who chose to get married, YOU gotta deal with the consequences.

If you literally can’t afford a divorce then hire a hitman or something I dunno.

Don’t do that though. I feel like hebrewhero is the type of person who actually would. Hebrewhero, don’t tell the cops that csulli from TNation told you to hire a contract killer to assassinate your frigid wife.[/quote]

I actually think that society is far better served by keeping families intact. No fault divorce makes it a moot point about who cheat’s first, so who gives a fuck? Every man should know that he’s going to get fucked six ways from Sunday in a divorce (which isn’t fair) so why should there be a reasonable expectation of fidelity if the woman stops meeting the man’s needs?

I could just as easily confront a woman who isn’t putting out and say, “you’re fucking MARRIED, you at least owe your husband some pussy when he wants it. You KNEW sex was part of being married, so if you didn’t want the dick, you shouldn’t have done it”.

If SHE cuts it off, how is there any reasonable expectation that the relationship continues to be exclusive? That’s a completely unreasonable expectation.[/quote]

Lol the divorce does not always end in the guy ruined my self and almost a dozen of people form my HS have divorced families that ended without financial hemorrhage from either party[/quote]

Must be nice. I guess I’ll just trust all my assets to chance because the people you know made out just fine… What state do you live in? Cuz ya know there are different laws depending where you live, right?[/quote]

You dont strike me as a type to ever marry and if you do I jsut cant see it lasting. I dont mean that as a bad thing either. Plenty of people are just not built for marriage and as long as they recognize and dont enter into one thats great. I could be off base. But i think even you discussed it yourself or Orion maybe in a different thread the higher the number for males and females the lower the rate of successful marriage… Makes sense

Anyways I am in WI.[/quote]

That is something far more common in women.

In men its there, but it does not even come close to the effect sleeping around has on women.

Its easy to see why too, but it would require a wall of text that I do not have in me at the moment.

[quote]Chushin wrote:
These kinds of questions are seeming more and more stupid to me.

Kind of like, “Will I get wet if I stay out in the rain without an umbrella?”

Perhaps self-respect and integrity are dead. [/quote]

Perhaps they are.

[quote]Broncoandy wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

[quote]Broncoandy wrote:
lol @ dudes giving wife a “fuck me now OR ELSE!” ultimatum.

Forcing an unwilling woman to have sex with you is SO much better than doing it with one who is eager. Enjoy your rape Lancelot.[/quote]

Now I’m RAPING her if she puts out! Gotta love it! Wow…

Best strawman of the night award goes to YOU![/quote]

This wasn’t directed at you. Near as I can tell you and I are of similar opinion on the matter of the side piece - that is that there’s a lot more to marriage than sex, and you shouldn’t throw the baby out with the bath water, or live as a sexless martyr.

I just think it’s funny that some people in this thread think that anyone with a side piece is scum / dirt / etc… but apperently also think that pressuring your wife into having sex she doesn’t want under threat of DIVORCE is the honorable thing to do.

Basically, imo pressuring your wife into sex is a shitty thing to do, and a sure fire way to not get laid in any sort of enjoyable way. If your being awesome enough that other women are begging for your cock but for some reason she’s not interested, and you can do it discretely so that she doesn’t have it rubbed in her face by you / she’s the laughing stock of the county / etc… and a side piece will save your marriage, than get a fucking side piece for crying out loud !

TLDR: side piece > divorce.[/quote]

Well, I totally agree with that - I totally misunderstood your first post.

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]ryanbCXG wrote:
AC i am normally in line with your comments but these are heavy narcissistic comments. Damn man what happened.[/quote]

Reality. [/quote]

Who’s reality?

I believe AC is arguing that it is OK to step out on your marriage if you are discrete about it.

It isn’t lying if she doesn’t know.

Forget about loyalty and fidelity, and keeping your word to someone like your word means something. If the sex isn’t great, you are off the hook and cheating is cool. And no worries, you’re still a quality man.

I think that’s the message to the Hero with Herpes.
[/quote]

I believe you are wrong about what my argument is. I believe we are not talking about “if the sex isn’t great”, we are talking about “if the sex is nonexistent”. I think you are reading other people’s ASSUMPTIONS about my point and not what I WROTE.

I believe you wrote in a thread earlier this year that you only give your husband sex on your anniversary, as in ONCE A YEAR, so you would qualify as a sex-withholding manipulative bitch. (unless you were joking, if so, I apologize - if not, my assertion stands)

I believe you can take your “holier than thou” attitude and shove it up your judgmental little ass.

So given that you may be intimately familiar with the concept of withholding, how often do you fuck your husband?[/quote]

If I misunderstood you, then I apologize. Perhaps your post was poorly worded, or I read it wrong. It happens.

And the comment I made about anniversary sex in another thread was a joke. And I said it was a joke. Repeatedly. Sorry if you misunderstood me to be serious. I also said that the secret to a good marriage was lots and lots of constructive criticism. People thought that was serious too, so apparently I can’t tell a joke. At all.
[/quote]Like I said, if I was wrong about that, I apologize, so consider yourself apologized to.[quote]

A lot can be lost in this form of communication. I am very sorry. I tend to assume good will about people. And those assumptions are usually reciprocated.
[/quote]Your post didn’t really feel like you were assuming much good will about me… Hence, my reaction.[quote]

Stepping out of the locker room now.
[/quote]

Didn’t mean to chase you out of the locker room. Your post was the last in a page full of people criticizing something (I felt) I didn’t say, so perhaps my response to you was a bit heavy handed. Also, I really didn’t know you were joking about that stuff - sometimes I get tied up with work and don’t finish threads. For the longest time I actually though EQ had one leg. So in my mind you were a “surrogate protagonist” in this little scenario. I’m happy for your husband’s sake that I was mistaken about that. LOL

Come on back in the locker room.

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
So, let’s say there’s a wife…42 years old, three kids 13, 9, and 7 and she’s been a stay at home mom for 14 years. She no longer has any marketable skills. The husband works a middle class job and the family is just getting by, like so many US families. She has a “typical” sex drive, looks forward to sex once a week maybe twice if the stars align, but her husband has grown increasingly distant over the years.

He’s told her since she’s had kids he doesn’t really see her as a sexual partner any longer. And he has a touch of ED he won’t see a doctor about. He’s fine with sex once every three to four months, although she’s twice walked in on him jerking off late at night in front of the computer when he said he was catching up on some work.

The two co-parent wonderfully together and enjoy each others company and fully hope to spend the rest of their lives together, but she doesn’t want to go without intimacy for the rest of her life. A divorce would be emotionally and financially devastating for everyone involved - there’s barely enough money to support one household let alone two.

She’s considering finding someone for some NSA sex.

Is she a CPOS? *

Cheating Piece of Shit.[/quote]

Now we are getting into the grey area. I think that in this situation, communication would be the solution and the husband addressing his health concerns and the wife perhaps getting her ass to the gym so that her man is attracted to her.

But this is apples to oranges now because sex IS happening. It’s only every few months, but it is happening. That’s a far different scenario than a woman just refusing.

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:
75-80%, no way I buy that. [/quote]
Same.[/quote]

You guys are living in fantasy land if you think that 75% of women have NEVER CHEATED. LMAO[/quote]

It was 75%-85% have cheated, which I don’t buy. [/quote]

Oh, well if THAT’S the case, it CAN’T be true… LOL

From my experience, I would say that AT LEAST 80% of all women have cheated at some point in their lives. Not saying they were married, just in a committed relationship. Not saying they are habitual cheaters either. Just that it happened at least once. Sky is blue, water is wet, women have secrets…

(and 80% is LOW - it’s probably closer to 95%, but I really don’t feel like arguing with the white knights and feminists)

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
DUDE. What part about NOT LYING did I fail to communicate? What is wrong with you people?[/quote]

The fact of the matter is that MOST people would lie about their infidelities. You are the exception not the rule.

I can’t speak for others, but my responses to you have been in general not about YOU or YOUR ACTIONS. [/quote]

I appreciate the response. All I’m saying is that if a marriage is good, or if it would devastate your kids, find a way to make it work. If sex is the only piece missing, and if you and your spouse can come to an agreement, then it’s best for all parties involved to just get some side action.

Now if you guys are hostile to each other and arguing in front of the kids and generally hate one another, then by all means, get a divorce. But if its just a matter of being sexually incompatible, there are other alternatives.

THAT’S ALL I WAS SAYING

Thank you for recognizing that.

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:
These kinds of questions are seeming more and more stupid to me.

Kind of like, “Will I get wet if I stay out in the rain without an umbrella?”

Perhaps self-respect and integrity are dead. [/quote]

Perhaps they are.

[/quote]

Perhaps the world isn’t black and white.

Perhaps there isn’t ONE solution for everyone.

Perhaps tatame and honne make this a bit ambiguous as well… How do you KNOW who’s integrity and self-respect (as you define them) are intact?

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:
75-80%, no way I buy that. [/quote]
Same.[/quote]

You guys are living in fantasy land if you think that 75% of women have NEVER CHEATED. LMAO[/quote]

It was 75%-85% have cheated, which I don’t buy. [/quote]

Oh, well if THAT’S the case, it CAN’T be true… LOL

From my experience, I would say that AT LEAST 80% of all women have cheated at some point in their lives. Not saying they were married, just in a committed relationship. Not saying they are habitual cheaters either. Just that it happened at least once. Sky is blue, water is wet, women have secrets…

(and 80% is LOW - it’s probably closer to 95%, but I really don’t feel like arguing with the white knights and feminists)[/quote]

Well, I’m sorry that’s the world you live in. My experiences have been vastly different. I don’t buy 80% and would certainly not consider that low.

Edit:

Just to throw some figures out there:

Census has population around 316M
Female population is approximately 50%
Over 18 is approximately 75%.

So a conservative estimate is 100M women, which means approximately 80,000,000 women (80%) have cheated in their life. It’s early so maybe my brain is still half asleep, but that seems down right ludicrous to me.

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
DUDE. What part about NOT LYING did I fail to communicate? What is wrong with you people?[/quote]

The fact of the matter is that MOST people would lie about their infidelities. You are the exception not the rule.

I can’t speak for others, but my responses to you have been in general not about YOU or YOUR ACTIONS. [/quote]

I appreciate the response. All I’m saying is that if a marriage is good, or if it would devastate your kids, find a way to make it work. If sex is the only piece missing, and if you and your spouse can come to an agreement, then it’s best for all parties involved to just get some side action.

Now if you guys are hostile to each other and arguing in front of the kids and generally hate one another, then by all means, get a divorce. But if its just a matter of being sexually incompatible, there are other alternatives.

THAT’S ALL I WAS SAYING

Thank you for recognizing that.[/quote]

No problem and I agree.

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:
75-80%, no way I buy that. [/quote]
Same.[/quote]

You guys are living in fantasy land if you think that 75% of women have NEVER CHEATED. LMAO[/quote]

It was 75%-85% have cheated, which I don’t buy. [/quote]

Oh, well if THAT’S the case, it CAN’T be true… LOL

From my experience, I would say that AT LEAST 80% of all women have cheated at some point in their lives. Not saying they were married, just in a committed relationship. Not saying they are habitual cheaters either. Just that it happened at least once. Sky is blue, water is wet, women have secrets…

(and 80% is LOW - it’s probably closer to 95%, but I really don’t feel like arguing with the white knights and feminists)[/quote]

Curious where you estimate te percentage for dudes? I realize that whether guys cheat is not so much an issue for hetero guys and I’m aware of your stance on the different implications of promiscuity for men and women. However, I would say that most people have likely cheated at least once.

I somewhat buy into the idea that men have a stronger biological imperative to seek out multiple partners in order to pass on the maximum amount of their genetic material. Conversely, it appears that women have a stronger drive to select the most fit (in the evolutionary sense) male available to impregnate them and to then endeavour to lock down that male to help protect and provide for her and her offspring during child rearing. This makes sense to me, logically.

I expect this plays into the argument that promiscuity is a more aberrant behaviour for women than it is for men. We are “supposed” to play offence, they are “supposed” to play defence. However if this is so, wouldn’t it mean that menare likely at least as prone to cheating as women?

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
DUDE. What part about NOT LYING did I fail to communicate? What is wrong with you people?[/quote]

The fact of the matter is that MOST people would lie about their infidelities. You are the exception not the rule.

I can’t speak for others, but my responses to you have been in general not about YOU or YOUR ACTIONS. [/quote]

I appreciate the response. All I’m saying is that if a marriage is good, or if it would devastate your kids, find a way to make it work. If sex is the only piece missing, and if you and your spouse can come to an agreement, then it’s best for all parties involved to just get some side action.

Now if you guys are hostile to each other and arguing in front of the kids and generally hate one another, then by all means, get a divorce. But if its just a matter of being sexually incompatible, there are other alternatives.

THAT’S ALL I WAS SAYING

Thank you for recognizing that.[/quote]

Can two spouses “come to an agreement” when only one spouse is aware of the terms of the agreement? Doesn’t the very nature of an agreement require both parties to be aware of and accept the terms of that agreement? By withholding sex can we reasonably assume that the the wife in this hypothetical sexless but otherwise good marriage implicitely condones her husband getting something on the side?

I’m not saying it’s wrong (although it definitely wouldn’t be for me), but if either spouse was going outside the marriage for sex it would seem to me that the other spouse would need to know it was happening (if not the details of who, how, when etc) and to, well, agree to the new terms of this co-parenting, income sharing and habitation arrangement in order for it to be said that an agreement had been reached?

How can one fundamentally change the terms of a deal without informing the other party of the new terms and gaining their acceptance thereof and not be considered to be in breach? I can’t get there logically.

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
I just don’t understand why a woman would get fat, cut her hair, not give her husband sex and wonder why he want’s to fuck someone else. Shit boggles my little brain.[/quote]

Ya, mine too. [/quote]

(whew… I thought i was the only one)

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:
Census has population around 316M
Female population is approximately 50%
Over 18 is approximately 75%.

So a conservative estimate is 100M women, which means approximately 80,000,000 women (80%) have cheated in their life. It’s early so maybe my brain is still half asleep, but that seems down right ludicrous to me. [/quote]

Yea it does seem ludicrous, but that’s what happens when you have large scale deception/embarrassment and an uncomfortable fact you don’t want to believe.

A point though, I’m saying 75-80% will cheat over their life… so chance of a 19 year old having cheated is way lower than a 90 year old. So 80mil in America will cheat over their lives, not necessarily 80mil have already cheated.

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
No fault divorce makes it a moot point about who cheat’s first, so who gives a fuck? [/quote]

I would think any man that lives his life by a certain set of principles, a code if you will, would care. [/quote]

I agree, and I say that as someone who has confronted the question of a sexless marriage WITH a spouse who’d cheated, presumably in an effort to find a way to excite himself. Ultimately the conclusion I came to was that my own standards of behavior would not be met if I went outside the marriage. I did not think it was enough reason to blow up a family, so resolved to accept the status quo.

Ultimately the marriage ended anyway. We were separated for four months before we officially called it quits and I don’t think it was even two months after the decision that I had my first-ever fling. I feel very comfortable with my behavior - there was no betrayal involved as far as I’m concerned, though I’m sure he wasn’t thrilled. I felt and still feel that I’d spent long enough locked in a tower by myself and nothing was served by my waiting.

He struggles with the same problem post-divorce. He moved to Taiwan to be with a woman and that crashed and burned, too, with sex again an issue. I am inclined to believe that marriages that become sexless for more than a brief time (let’s say six months barring illness, a libido-suppressing drug, or a string of pregnancies) are going to stay that way. Something is wrong with one of the partners or the match is not a good one.

But back to ethical behavior - AC, I’m surprised at you. What happened to honesty?[/quote]

I would never lie about it. But I would certainly be discreet. I stated up there already that I wouldn’t lie about it…
[/quote]

Isn’t that just a lie of omission? [/quote]

No… There’s no such think as “lie of omission”. A “LIE” is when someone asks you something or you volunteer something that is not true. You cannot, by definition, “LIE” by not saying anything.

Again, back to the situation at hand, if a woman (or a man) is so selfish that they won’t meet the sexual needs of their spouse, then why do they deserve to be given ammunition that could be used against the deprived spouse? The whole situation could be avoided if the woman would come correct with the pussy to her man…[/quote]

AC, I’m sorry to rekindle this mess, but you DID say you would feel justified in omitting that you’d begun cheating, though as I read the thread while catching up, many of the responses were to the question in general and not to you. I don’t think anyone who’s followed your posts for any length of time would call you a bad guy, particularly as honesty is concerned. For myself I was surprised by your stance because I do see you as honest and up-front about your plans. This seemed a departure from what I see as your norm.

All of that aside as it’s now been argued to death, and considering Lanky’s post instead (I think it was Lanky), I would question whether you’ve had much in the way of emotional intimacy with the women you’ve been with. I know you’re very open about your life and your past, but I wonder if you’re seeking out partners who are keeping their emotional distance so you can maintain your inner guard.

I only ask because that’s what I sought in a partner at age 23, and I’m only recently understanding how little intimacy we had. Really, none. He had no idea who I was, even after I lowered and then eliminated my guard. Nor did I really know him.

Just something for you to ponder, not meant as an attack. Personally I want a relationship like Lanky’s (assuming it was Lanky, lol). I wonder if that’s your final hurdle, as it has been mine? No one who met me when I was younger would EVER think I was closed off or guarded but I was, very. I was entirely self-reliant emotionally and very closed about my past. My puppy-dog friendly, cheerful, open demeanor was just another defense.

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]rores28 wrote:
people are fanning the hate flames way too vigorously for something that it is a rather mundane occurrence. All because sex is inexplicably elevated to some strange spiritual level of significance[/quote]
Not inexplicably at all, but rather evolutionarily. Men more so than women, because obviously women know if a child is theirs or not rofl. Your biological prime directive, like that of all life, is to pass on your genes. So for most men, nature hardwires a pretty strong desire for what we would call fidelity in modern society. There is a primal part of your brain that wants very badly for you to be sure the genes getting passed on are your own. A strong aversion to cheating is the result of this.[/quote]

Call me a crazy dreamer, but I expect ALL the fidelities in a marriage. Sexual, emotional, and financial (don’t spend down our savings or take on credit without my knowledge or consent). I’m not sure the latter two are biological imperatives.
[/quote]

Our savings!!!
[/quote]

Er, yes, our savings. When I married him our sole asset was my car. He’d just gone through a bankruptcy (he blamed his ex-wife and I believed him) and drove a work car. My father gave us $2K as a wedding gift and then help with a downpayment for our first house. We (he) started a business that did very well, but I worked as well, which enabled a business start-up.

My father’s death brought more money.

Our savings.

[quote]rores28 wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:
Census has population around 316M
Female population is approximately 50%
Over 18 is approximately 75%.

So a conservative estimate is 100M women, which means approximately 80,000,000 women (80%) have cheated in their life. It’s early so maybe my brain is still half asleep, but that seems down right ludicrous to me. [/quote]

Yea it does seem ludicrous, but that’s what happens when you have large scale deception/embarrassment and an uncomfortable fact you don’t want to believe.

A point though, I’m saying 75-80% will cheat over their life… so chance of a 19 year old having cheated is way lower than a 90 year old. So 80mil in America will cheat over their lives, not necessarily 80mil have already cheated.[/quote]

I think our perspectives are just different. I haven’t been considering a 19 year old that cheats on his “girlfriend” of a month as part of this particular conversation. So maybe the numbers are worse than I think. Maybe I’m just an idealist. IDK.

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
No fault divorce makes it a moot point about who cheat’s first, so who gives a fuck? [/quote]

I would think any man that lives his life by a certain set of principles, a code if you will, would care. [/quote]

I agree, and I say that as someone who has confronted the question of a sexless marriage WITH a spouse who’d cheated, presumably in an effort to find a way to excite himself. Ultimately the conclusion I came to was that my own standards of behavior would not be met if I went outside the marriage. I did not think it was enough reason to blow up a family, so resolved to accept the status quo.

Ultimately the marriage ended anyway. We were separated for four months before we officially called it quits and I don’t think it was even two months after the decision that I had my first-ever fling. I feel very comfortable with my behavior - there was no betrayal involved as far as I’m concerned, though I’m sure he wasn’t thrilled. I felt and still feel that I’d spent long enough locked in a tower by myself and nothing was served by my waiting.

He struggles with the same problem post-divorce. He moved to Taiwan to be with a woman and that crashed and burned, too, with sex again an issue. I am inclined to believe that marriages that become sexless for more than a brief time (let’s say six months barring illness, a libido-suppressing drug, or a string of pregnancies) are going to stay that way. Something is wrong with one of the partners or the match is not a good one.

But back to ethical behavior - AC, I’m surprised at you. What happened to honesty?[/quote]

I would never lie about it. But I would certainly be discreet. I stated up there already that I wouldn’t lie about it…
[/quote]

Isn’t that just a lie of omission? [/quote]

No… There’s no such think as “lie of omission”. A “LIE” is when someone asks you something or you volunteer something that is not true. You cannot, by definition, “LIE” by not saying anything.

Again, back to the situation at hand, if a woman (or a man) is so selfish that they won’t meet the sexual needs of their spouse, then why do they deserve to be given ammunition that could be used against the deprived spouse? The whole situation could be avoided if the woman would come correct with the pussy to her man…[/quote]

AC, I’m sorry to rekindle this mess, but you DID say you would feel justified in omitting that you’d begun cheating, though as I read the thread while catching up, many of the responses were to the question in general and not to you.

[/quote]I don’t think I was very clear (obviously). The not volunteering anything statement I made was intended to be about the DISCRETION piece. As in AFTER you’ve had a conversation with your spouse. I think I repeatedly said one shouldn’t lie. And I also said one should be discreet. I’m pretty sure I just wrote that in a hurry, because I sure knew what I meant, but evidently it was not obvious.[quote]

I don’t think anyone who’s followed your posts for any length of time would call you a bad guy, particularly as honesty is concerned. For myself I was surprised by your stance because I do see you as honest and up-front about your plans. This seemed a departure from what I see as your norm.

All of that aside as it’s now been argued to death, and considering Lanky’s post instead (I think it was Lanky), I would question whether you’ve had much in the way of emotional intimacy with the women you’ve been with. [/quote]I’ve been very emotionally available with the women I’ve cared about. But I also have firm boundaries that I’m not willing to compromise on (basically, if I catch someone lying to me, it’s over). That ends up being an issue sooner or later. I don’t really say a lot about myself when I meet someone, but what I DO choose to share is the truth. That’s a difficult concept for some people. [quote]
I know you’re very open about your life and your past, but I wonder if you’re seeking out partners who are keeping their emotional distance so you can maintain your inner guard.

I only ask because that’s what I sought in a partner at age 23, and I’m only recently understanding how little intimacy we had. Really, none. He had no idea who I was, even after I lowered and then eliminated my guard. Nor did I really know him.

Just something for you to ponder, not meant as an attack. Personally I want a relationship like Lanky’s (assuming it was Lanky, lol). I wonder if that’s your final hurdle, as it has been mine? No one who met me when I was younger would EVER think I was closed off or guarded but I was, very. I was entirely self-reliant emotionally and very closed about my past. My puppy-dog friendly, cheerful, open demeanor was just another defense. [/quote]

I don’t think I let very many people in, but that’s not saying it hasn’t happened. I think I just let it happen with the wrong people. But it’s not something that I “won’t do” anymore…