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When are Side Chicks Ok

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
No fault divorce makes it a moot point about who cheat’s first, so who gives a fuck? [/quote]

I would think any man that lives his life by a certain set of principles, a code if you will, would care. [/quote]

I agree, and I say that as someone who has confronted the question of a sexless marriage WITH a spouse who’d cheated, presumably in an effort to find a way to excite himself. Ultimately the conclusion I came to was that my own standards of behavior would not be met if I went outside the marriage. I did not think it was enough reason to blow up a family, so resolved to accept the status quo.

Ultimately the marriage ended anyway. We were separated for four months before we officially called it quits and I don’t think it was even two months after the decision that I had my first-ever fling. I feel very comfortable with my behavior - there was no betrayal involved as far as I’m concerned, though I’m sure he wasn’t thrilled. I felt and still feel that I’d spent long enough locked in a tower by myself and nothing was served by my waiting.

He struggles with the same problem post-divorce. He moved to Taiwan to be with a woman and that crashed and burned, too, with sex again an issue. I am inclined to believe that marriages that become sexless for more than a brief time (let’s say six months barring illness, a libido-suppressing drug, or a string of pregnancies) are going to stay that way. Something is wrong with one of the partners or the match is not a good one.

But back to ethical behavior - AC, I’m surprised at you. What happened to honesty?[/quote]

I would never lie about it. But I would certainly be discreet. I stated up there already that I wouldn’t lie about it…
[/quote]

Isn’t that just a lie of omission? [/quote]

No… There’s no such think as “lie of omission”. A “LIE” is when someone asks you something or you volunteer something that is not true. You cannot, by definition, “LIE” by not saying anything.

Again, back to the situation at hand, if a woman (or a man) is so selfish that they won’t meet the sexual needs of their spouse, then why do they deserve to be given ammunition that could be used against the deprived spouse? The whole situation could be avoided if the woman would come correct with the pussy to her man…[/quote]

AC, I’m sorry to rekindle this mess, but you DID say you would feel justified in omitting that you’d begun cheating, though as I read the thread while catching up, many of the responses were to the question in general and not to you. I don’t think anyone who’s followed your posts for any length of time would call you a bad guy, particularly as honesty is concerned. For myself I was surprised by your stance because I do see you as honest and up-front about your plans. This seemed a departure from what I see as your norm.

All of that aside as it’s now been argued to death, and considering Lanky’s post instead (I think it was Lanky), I would question whether you’ve had much in the way of emotional intimacy with the women you’ve been with. I know you’re very open about your life and your past, but I wonder if you’re seeking out partners who are keeping their emotional distance so you can maintain your inner guard.

I only ask because that’s what I sought in a partner at age 23, and I’m only recently understanding how little intimacy we had. Really, none. He had no idea who I was, even after I lowered and then eliminated my guard. Nor did I really know him.

Just something for you to ponder, not meant as an attack. Personally I want a relationship like Lanky’s (assuming it was Lanky, lol). I wonder if that’s your final hurdle, as it has been mine? No one who met me when I was younger would EVER think I was closed off or guarded but I was, very. I was entirely self-reliant emotionally and very closed about my past. My puppy-dog friendly, cheerful, open demeanor was just another defense.

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]rores28 wrote:
people are fanning the hate flames way too vigorously for something that it is a rather mundane occurrence. All because sex is inexplicably elevated to some strange spiritual level of significance[/quote]
Not inexplicably at all, but rather evolutionarily. Men more so than women, because obviously women know if a child is theirs or not rofl. Your biological prime directive, like that of all life, is to pass on your genes. So for most men, nature hardwires a pretty strong desire for what we would call fidelity in modern society. There is a primal part of your brain that wants very badly for you to be sure the genes getting passed on are your own. A strong aversion to cheating is the result of this.[/quote]

Call me a crazy dreamer, but I expect ALL the fidelities in a marriage. Sexual, emotional, and financial (don’t spend down our savings or take on credit without my knowledge or consent). I’m not sure the latter two are biological imperatives.
[/quote]

Our savings!!!
[/quote]

Er, yes, our savings. When I married him our sole asset was my car. He’d just gone through a bankruptcy (he blamed his ex-wife and I believed him) and drove a work car. My father gave us $2K as a wedding gift and then help with a downpayment for our first house. We (he) started a business that did very well, but I worked as well, which enabled a business start-up.

My father’s death brought more money.

Our savings.

[quote]rores28 wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:
Census has population around 316M
Female population is approximately 50%
Over 18 is approximately 75%.

So a conservative estimate is 100M women, which means approximately 80,000,000 women (80%) have cheated in their life. It’s early so maybe my brain is still half asleep, but that seems down right ludicrous to me. [/quote]

Yea it does seem ludicrous, but that’s what happens when you have large scale deception/embarrassment and an uncomfortable fact you don’t want to believe.

A point though, I’m saying 75-80% will cheat over their life… so chance of a 19 year old having cheated is way lower than a 90 year old. So 80mil in America will cheat over their lives, not necessarily 80mil have already cheated.[/quote]

I think our perspectives are just different. I haven’t been considering a 19 year old that cheats on his “girlfriend” of a month as part of this particular conversation. So maybe the numbers are worse than I think. Maybe I’m just an idealist. IDK.

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
No fault divorce makes it a moot point about who cheat’s first, so who gives a fuck? [/quote]

I would think any man that lives his life by a certain set of principles, a code if you will, would care. [/quote]

I agree, and I say that as someone who has confronted the question of a sexless marriage WITH a spouse who’d cheated, presumably in an effort to find a way to excite himself. Ultimately the conclusion I came to was that my own standards of behavior would not be met if I went outside the marriage. I did not think it was enough reason to blow up a family, so resolved to accept the status quo.

Ultimately the marriage ended anyway. We were separated for four months before we officially called it quits and I don’t think it was even two months after the decision that I had my first-ever fling. I feel very comfortable with my behavior - there was no betrayal involved as far as I’m concerned, though I’m sure he wasn’t thrilled. I felt and still feel that I’d spent long enough locked in a tower by myself and nothing was served by my waiting.

He struggles with the same problem post-divorce. He moved to Taiwan to be with a woman and that crashed and burned, too, with sex again an issue. I am inclined to believe that marriages that become sexless for more than a brief time (let’s say six months barring illness, a libido-suppressing drug, or a string of pregnancies) are going to stay that way. Something is wrong with one of the partners or the match is not a good one.

But back to ethical behavior - AC, I’m surprised at you. What happened to honesty?[/quote]

I would never lie about it. But I would certainly be discreet. I stated up there already that I wouldn’t lie about it…
[/quote]

Isn’t that just a lie of omission? [/quote]

No… There’s no such think as “lie of omission”. A “LIE” is when someone asks you something or you volunteer something that is not true. You cannot, by definition, “LIE” by not saying anything.

Again, back to the situation at hand, if a woman (or a man) is so selfish that they won’t meet the sexual needs of their spouse, then why do they deserve to be given ammunition that could be used against the deprived spouse? The whole situation could be avoided if the woman would come correct with the pussy to her man…[/quote]

AC, I’m sorry to rekindle this mess, but you DID say you would feel justified in omitting that you’d begun cheating, though as I read the thread while catching up, many of the responses were to the question in general and not to you.

[/quote]I don’t think I was very clear (obviously). The not volunteering anything statement I made was intended to be about the DISCRETION piece. As in AFTER you’ve had a conversation with your spouse. I think I repeatedly said one shouldn’t lie. And I also said one should be discreet. I’m pretty sure I just wrote that in a hurry, because I sure knew what I meant, but evidently it was not obvious.[quote]

I don’t think anyone who’s followed your posts for any length of time would call you a bad guy, particularly as honesty is concerned. For myself I was surprised by your stance because I do see you as honest and up-front about your plans. This seemed a departure from what I see as your norm.

All of that aside as it’s now been argued to death, and considering Lanky’s post instead (I think it was Lanky), I would question whether you’ve had much in the way of emotional intimacy with the women you’ve been with. [/quote]I’ve been very emotionally available with the women I’ve cared about. But I also have firm boundaries that I’m not willing to compromise on (basically, if I catch someone lying to me, it’s over). That ends up being an issue sooner or later. I don’t really say a lot about myself when I meet someone, but what I DO choose to share is the truth. That’s a difficult concept for some people. [quote]
I know you’re very open about your life and your past, but I wonder if you’re seeking out partners who are keeping their emotional distance so you can maintain your inner guard.

I only ask because that’s what I sought in a partner at age 23, and I’m only recently understanding how little intimacy we had. Really, none. He had no idea who I was, even after I lowered and then eliminated my guard. Nor did I really know him.

Just something for you to ponder, not meant as an attack. Personally I want a relationship like Lanky’s (assuming it was Lanky, lol). I wonder if that’s your final hurdle, as it has been mine? No one who met me when I was younger would EVER think I was closed off or guarded but I was, very. I was entirely self-reliant emotionally and very closed about my past. My puppy-dog friendly, cheerful, open demeanor was just another defense. [/quote]

I don’t think I let very many people in, but that’s not saying it hasn’t happened. I think I just let it happen with the wrong people. But it’s not something that I “won’t do” anymore…

Yeah, if “side chick” is something you are cool with, I suggest considering to not do the “marriage” thing in the first place.

It’s 2014. You don’t have to get married if you don’t want to.

[quote]thehebrewhero wrote:
^ this…
all white knight shit aside. If having a side piece means. 1 family stays intact 2 wife continues to live same life 3 assets stay right then it is what it is. This all or nothing mentality is bs. Life is 1 big grey area. Not everything is black & white. Sometimes you gotta break some eggs to make an omelette.
No reason to keep a perfectly good dick in a jar. Fuck that im livin my life. Yall internet tuff guys that hate me so bad. Thats some weak ass shit. If you really have the time to invest in a anonymous mofo you really need to get a life.

deuces[/quote]

srsly guys - we have already had this conversation…

I just want ya’all to know that I do not have an alter ego to discuss this further, and that I agree with the OP on this point.

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

I believe you wrote in a thread earlier this year that you only give your husband sex on your anniversary, as in ONCE A YEAR, so you would qualify as a sex-withholding manipulative bitch. (unless you were joking, if so, I apologize - if not, my assertion stands)
[/quote]

Shit just got real.[/quote]

Powerpuff, if true, that’s pretty bizarre. In an Orthodox Jewish marriage, there is a signed contract (a “ketubah”) where you promise to fulfill the “conjugal needs, according to the universal custom.” I presume it is the same among all peoples, and once year is a failure.

I am fortunate, in that, Mrs. Jewbacca would break my dick off if we didn’t have sex @3 times/week. She was the first one chasing me around with a needle when it was TRT time.

That said, if she wasn’t, I would not cheat if that was not the case. It’s not “white knight” B.S. It’s an oath before G-d.

I would, however, be pissed and be going to some kind of marriage counseling if I was in a sexless marriage (and under, say, 75 years old).
[/quote]

You make a good point…Now imagine this You are on TRT horny, but Mrs Jewbaca no longer craves the shavtz. You now have to beg and audition for sex and its now 3-6x per year. She no longer likes the dirty stuff and all you get is good ol missionary a few times a year… You try counsling but after 6 months its still a meat beat marathon. For the sake of keeping the family intact do you suffer through X amount of years, fly solo, or just suplement the poon with a woman in a similiar situation?

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
So, let’s say there’s a wife…42 years old, three kids 13, 9, and 7 and she’s been a stay at home mom for 14 years. She no longer has any marketable skills. The husband works a middle class job and the family is just getting by, like so many US families. She has a “typical” sex drive, looks forward to sex once a week maybe twice if the stars align, but her husband has grown increasingly distant over the years.

He’s told her since she’s had kids he doesn’t really see her as a sexual partner any longer. And he has a touch of ED he won’t see a doctor about. He’s fine with sex once every three to four months, although she’s twice walked in on him jerking off late at night in front of the computer when he said he was catching up on some work.

The two co-parent wonderfully together and enjoy each others company and fully hope to spend the rest of their lives together, but she doesn’t want to go without intimacy for the rest of her life. A divorce would be emotionally and financially devastating for everyone involved - there’s barely enough money to support one household let alone two.

She’s considering finding someone for some NSA sex.

Is she a CPOS? *

Cheating Piece of Shit.[/quote]

I don’t know whether she is or not, but there are other things to consider. For one, the person with whom the spouse is cheating, regardless of gender. Presumably these are human beings with feelings. For another, the kids. What happens if it doesn’t remain casual and discreet?

What happens if our hypothetical spouse falls in love with his or her side piece? I am myself and have worked with several kids whose parents divorce over a marital affair that turns into someone’s love-of-a-lifetime (until it is destroyed by all of the baggage it has to carry). Both sexes. Miserable breakups all.

Here’s an interesting article on the topic. It brought up something that I may have had a blind spot with. I’ve generally been a pretty successful guy. I’m not ugly, I can make anyone laugh and I have great taste. I used to be pretty dialed in to the club scene in DC and had inside tracks on after hours parties, etc… I’ve driven nice cars, worn nice suits, lived in nice places and played awesome music. Also, I have taken dozens of “mini-vacations”, long weekends, and trips to various destinations, and I rarely travel alone. Given that I tend to “provide” super awesome experiences, great sex and travel to exotic locations while projecting a “high status” image, the women I date MAY tend to have a higher tolerance for my “unique” relationship guidelines…

That may not be typical for the average bear…

Haven’t really done that in the past few years though.

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

…Come on back in the locker room.[/quote]

Thanks for accepting my apology, AC. And for giving me yours. No hard feelings on my part. I will say, the most offensive part of your reply was the line about my “little ass”. That was a low blow. I can’t do anything about the width of my hips, but dammit I have near perfect glute development. Things are seriously bubbled up back there. :wink:

As for stepping out of the locker room. I’m going to do that anyway. For a lot of reasons. I’m not cut out for it in many ways. And I have women at my gym to train with. And friends IRL to talk lifting with these days. Life is good. So, I stripped all my progress pics out of my hub but I’m still training and doing well.

Doc and Push, thanks for trying to keep things light in this thread.

And to all of you who have been friendly to me, helped me with my lifting, or who have engaged in some interesting discussions over the past years - I’ll miss ya. And I wish you all the best in training and in life.

Puff

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

I think our perspectives are just different. I haven’t been considering a 19 year old that cheats on his “girlfriend” of a month as part of this particular conversation. So maybe the numbers are worse than I think. Maybe I’m just an idealist. IDK. [/quote]

Had you asked me a year ago I would have scoffed at 75-80% as well. But since being out of a LTR for these past 12 months, playing the field, going to clubs, being publicly single in the workplace and in friend networks, and maybe most revealing delving into long discussions of people’s relationships… that figure doesn’t seem insane at all.

I know of four people engaging in continuing affairs or consistently looking for outside ass, and these are all 28-35 year olds in long term relationships some with kids, responsible intelligent professionals all. Then there are at least two other couples I know where it hasn’t been confirmed but infidelity is almost definitely involved. Not to mention the countless, club make-outs hookups that have occurred, some blatantly with the significant others in the club

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

…Come on back in the locker room.[/quote]

Thanks for accepting my apology, AC. And for giving me yours. No hard feelings on my part. I will say, the most offensive part of your reply was the line about my “little ass”. That was a low blow. I can’t do anything about the width of my hips, but dammit I have near perfect glute development. Things are seriously bubbled up back there. :wink:

As for stepping out of the locker room. I’m going to do that anyway. For a lot of reasons. I’m not cut out for it in many ways. And I have women at my gym to train with. And friends IRL to talk lifting with these days. Life is good. So, I stripped all my progress pics out of my hub but I’m still training and doing well.

Doc and Push, thanks for trying to keep things light in this thread.

And to all of you who have been friendly to me, helped me with my lifting, or who have engaged in some interesting discussions over the past years - I’ll miss ya. And I wish you all the best in training and in life.

Puff

[/quote]

Now I know what happened.

I dont like it.

[quote]thehebrewhero wrote:
Now imagine this
[/quote]

Your post calls for speculation, which I do not do.

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
It hurt my feelings a bit to see you take that bit about me seriously. Honestly, because I respect you and I was wondering if you thought I owed some kind of response to AC’s question, give how it was phrased

We generally save the fighting for the important stuff. [/quote]

The others corrected the wrong information promptly, so I ceased to be concerned. Glad to know you’re “normal.” Ha.

Regarding fighting, well, Mrs. Jewbacca and I fight about a lot of things.

But then, we’re Jewish. It’s what we do. Two Jews, three opinions.

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

…Come on back in the locker room.[/quote]

Thanks for accepting my apology, AC. And for giving me yours. No hard feelings on my part. I will say, the most offensive part of your reply was the line about my “little ass”. That was a low blow. I can’t do anything about the width of my hips, but dammit I have near perfect glute development. Things are seriously bubbled up back there. :wink:

As for stepping out of the locker room. I’m going to do that anyway. For a lot of reasons. I’m not cut out for it in many ways. And I have women at my gym to train with. And friends IRL to talk lifting with these days. Life is good. So, I stripped all my progress pics out of my hub but I’m still training and doing well.

Doc and Push, thanks for trying to keep things light in this thread.

And to all of you who have been friendly to me, helped me with my lifting, or who have engaged in some interesting discussions over the past years - I’ll miss ya. And I wish you all the best in training and in life.

Puff

[/quote]

Now I know what happened.

I dont like it. [/quote]

I’ve only skimmed this thread so I missed what happened and I don’t have time to go back over it.

Puff, if this site is not good for you anymore then so be it, but this site is a much better place with you here.

So I went back over the thread anyway…

AC, just so you know, I’m not really a 40 year old virgin.

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

…Come on back in the locker room.[/quote]

Thanks for accepting my apology, AC. And for giving me yours. No hard feelings on my part. I will say, the most offensive part of your reply was the line about my “little ass”. That was a low blow. I can’t do anything about the width of my hips, but dammit I have near perfect glute development. Things are seriously bubbled up back there. :wink:
[/quote]I’m sure you have a fantastic ass. But I’ve never looked, to be honest, so I’ll have to take your word for it.[quote]
As for stepping out of the locker room. I’m going to do that anyway. For a lot of reasons. I’m not cut out for it in many ways. And I have women at my gym to train with. And friends IRL to talk lifting with these days. Life is good. So, I stripped all my progress pics out of my hub but I’m still training and doing well.

Doc and Push, thanks for trying to keep things light in this thread.

And to all of you who have been friendly to me, helped me with my lifting, or who have engaged in some interesting discussions over the past years - I’ll miss ya. And I wish you all the best in training and in life.

Puff

[/quote]

Well I certainly hope you change your mind. Sleep on it. I’ve taken a break several times over the years, but this place always seems to suck me back in. Kinda like a familiar bar in the old neighborhood - some new faces, but lots of old ones and memories of battles fought and the promise of battles yet to partake in. At any rate, best of luck to you and yours regardless. I’ve enjoyed reading your perspective over the years. That’s kind of what makes this place special: the different perspectives. People here might not always agree, but it’s always interesting! And it wouldn’t be any fun if we all agreed… Like I said, I hope you change your mind.

^^^^

Puff

For the record, Groundhog Day is one of my favorite movies…

interesting turn. Very unfortunate one of the few serious female lifters