T Nation

What would you do?

Hey guys, just want your opinion on my situation. Ill make it as short as possible. I was with my ex girlfriend for 2 years. It seemed like a perfect relationship, never even an arguement in that time. She was extremely good to me. She asked if she could move in with me, i said sure, as i thought she was the girl i was going to marry.

A week before moving in with me, she starts acting distant, i pressure her as to whats wrong, I ask her if shes sure she wants to be with me and she says shes not sure. Needless to say we break up, which devastated me. A week or 2 later, she comes back says she wants to try again, so we do, but for a few weeks shes giving me too many mixed signals so i tell her enough is enough.

I was truly fucked up for 4 months or so after losing her. OK…heres my dilemma… About a month before she broke up with me i loaned her $1000 which she needed to help her with her rent and bills. Its been 6 months now and she has only paid me $200 back. On top of it she is now engaged to another guy, after knowing him for 2 months. I called her up and blasted her saying its not right to have her ex boyfriends money while shes with someone else, and she needs to at least make regular payments back to me. She called me an asshole saying she cant beleive im acting this way over some money.

I truly don’t need to money right now, but i just want it back as i dont wanna be supporting the girl who broke my heart, while shes engaged to some other guy. At this point alot of my friends are saying just write the money off as a loss and lesson learned, but i cant seem to do that. Its just the principle of the thing, that I want this money back just because what she is doing is so fucking wrong. Although at this point i dont care to even talk to her ever again, should i still hound her about the damn money even though talking to her aggravates the shit outta me, or should i just forget it and write it off and take it as a lesson learned??.

It’s hard to beleive that someone once so loving and so caring could turn into a completely different person. Good thing i never married this girl. Any advice would be appreciated.

Something about her behaviour sounds fishy. Perhaps she met this new fellow on your time off. At any rate, its your money, you did her this favour, and its wrong that she is not paying you back. 800 bucks could buy you a lot of Grow!

Sounds like a job for Judge Judy…

Yup, right it off. Forget her, she obviously isn’t worth the time. Let her mess with her new guy’s head for a while. In my opinion, I think you’re still bitter about the break up. I DON’T blame you; just forget her and forget the money. Atleast you got 200 back. Hope this helps, bye

A lesson a long time ago, if you want to get someone completely out of your life, loan them money, if you want to hear from them often, borrow from them. I would say that you could try to ask her to set up a repayment schedule, with the understanding that these conversations are business only. forget the ex labels for the moment, deal with that alone. if you can’t, eat the $800. that you mention that you are currently supporting her screams to me that you still have attachment other than business, however understandable that is. I wish you luck. maybe you’ll get another C note or two of it back, but I doubt that you will see the whole $800.

Let it go, Man. Cut all contact with the little bitch. If you don’t need the money just write it off as one of those lessons you learned the hard way.

Get ya money back ya dirty bitch!.

Here is a suggestion that has served me well. Never lend friends or family more money then you are willing to make them a gift of. Call it a loan, mentally chalk it up as a gift. If you ever get it back it is like found money, and if you don’t there is no bitterness on your part.

But since you didn’t check with me ahead of time, in this case, forget it and move on, you ain’t supporting anyone with your $800 at this point, it’s long gone. (although I guess that new dude might have gotten a new mountain bike for xmas…)

Dizzy, even though Tinman is in the legal profession and has given good legal advice in the past, I have to disagree with him on this. I think you should take the ex to Small Claims Court. She owes the money. Just having the papers served on her will likely cause her to cough up the money. Whether you need the money or not is not relevant. You don’t need to fund an improvement in lifestyle for some guy who probably was popping your ex behind your back. Go after her!

Dude, sorry to hear your story. Been there years ago. Best bet - forget her and the money. It is only money and you are using that to hang on to her and your mixed emotions about her, even that you don’t see it. She is most likely rebounding into this engagement; be healthy, talk to your buds, but not her and forget the monetary thing. Character (hers) has spoken, don’t engage it.

Doug K

Call her and tell her that she’s got two weeks to pay up. After this time period, if she has not repaid her debt, send TC and Chris Shugart over to her house to break her kneecaps.

I know what your talking about bro. Best thing to do is to say to hell with the money and forget her.

My ex owed me about 4 grand, and I made him couch up every penny - plus interest (a LOT of interest evil grin)

I agree with Avoids, go to small claims. Since she has already payed you back some money you have proof that she agreed to oral contract to repay. 800 bucks is 800 bucks, get it back.

This might sound a little vengeful and spiteful, but hey she broke up with you and has basically stolen your money. And then taken up with another guy in a suspiciously quick amount of time. Which she has the right to do, but you this leaves you with little choice. Since you say you don’t need the money, I say take it out on her car or her new boyfriend’s car. At least 800 bucks worth and don’t forget to get paid interest. This might help you feel better. There are also some good revenge books out there if you want to go down this road.

Due a Google search for “Paladin Press” they’ve got all kinds of stuff along these lines.
Just my 2 cents worth.

One problem there JL - he could get arrested for following your advice… though it may be the most ‘fun’ idea, it could get him in biiiiig trouble and he’d be out even more money after he paid for the damages.

One of my ex’s did that to me once. Being the nice guy that I WAS, (while we were still together), I said that she could pay me back whenever she had the money.

Now, whenever we talk, it's as if me lending the money had never occured, and she completely goes off topic. What pisses me off is when I see her driving around in new convertibles, new clothes???? WTF!

If you harrass her about the money, I can imagine what she is saying to her new boyfiend about you behind your back "He's obsessed with me...he said it was a favor, and now he wants the money back to spite me...he's such a loser!!"

If you really want the money back without going to court, speak to her boyfriend in private, speak to her parents in private. Chances are, they'll pay you off for her. If they don't make their lives a living hell.

PS. There is such thing as KARMA (no, not ~Karma~), and she will have to pay her dues eventually. I know this from experience, and I still can't wipe that smile off my face :)

You’re right Michelle, that’s why you need to be really, really sneaky. She should have the feeling it was you who did it, but not be able to prove it.

Cough it up… Oh well you lost $800, you’ve learned your leason and its time to move on. Just don’t make the same mistake twice… I don’t think you will. Get another girlfriend and make sure she’s a knock out and rub it in her face. Make her jealous. Also remember the saying “what coems around goes around” the other thing you can do is to take her to smalls claims court…

Don’t load money from now on, esp. a sum as large as $1,000.

With that said, if I were you, I'd approach her logically and rationally (without getting all mad or something) and tell her that you want her to pay you back. If she can't pay all of it now, you'd wnat some regular monthly payment from her. If she's not a total bitch, she'll pay you back.

BTW -- is there any evidence (paper) to indicate that you let her borrow money? If so, you can sue her for the sum if it becomes necessary.

Get the money back. Then burn it in front of her face to prove a point.