T Nation

What would you do?

OK, I have a friend who said she was putting some clothes away in her Fiance’s dresser and she found some new porn magazines along with some pictures of a girl and they looked like they were printed off the net, keep in mind this guy has a whole box full of old porn magazines. Now, I understand guys like looking at this stuff and some women do too so no big deal. What my friends concern is that this guy is spending money on porn, but has never spent money on flowers for her and they don’t get to go out much because he says he does’t have a whole lot of spending money right now. It also bothered her to find several pics of the same chic in different erotic poses. I can understand why she would be upset. What do you think she should do or how should she handle it?

Women generally read way too much into men looking at porn. Frankly, almost every man likes looking at porn and it doesn’t mean we value our signifigant other any less, we just LIKE porn. However, her concern about spending money on porn may be legitimate if he has home internet access, there is no need to pay for porn when you have the world wide porn distribution network at your fingertips.

That being said, why is she marrying someone that she feels doesn’t appreciates her? I’m certain it goes beyond the simple issue of him spending twenty bucks on porn instead of a dinner. She really needs to discuss why she isn’t happy in the relationship with him and they need to work it out BEFORE they get married.

If she wants to go out all the time it is ok for her to spend some money on it. I’m not going to guy buy a girl dinner twice a week if it costs 60 dollars to do so.

Why was she going through her boyfriend’s stuff? Yes, putting away clothes, yes all the time. Porn doesn’t cost that much. You can get a subscription to Playboy for a little more than a dollar an issue. By the way I would hope she could just ask her fiance about this since she is getting married to him. Suppose though she doesn’t want him to know she goes through his things.

With a high pitced female voice: “never spent money on flowers for her and they don’t get to go out much because he says he does’t have a whole lot of spending money right now”. Normal voice: is that why your friend is marrying this guy, so that he can take her out and spend money on her??? Oh, and how does the price of those magazines compare to doing all of the above??? Unless, the guy bought a dozen or something it’s like 10%. Anyhow, I think the problem is much deeper than the magazines. For god’s sake, your friend is JEALOUS of a chick this guy printed off the web!!! What she has to do some thinking, AND then talk to him…
by the way, is your friend of a Mediterenean background: Greek, Italian, Arab etc? If that is the case, that explains A LOT. (No racist remark here, as I come from such a background)

Sounds as if the communication isn’t good in this relationship. If they are engaged there is nothing wrong for her to pay. Pretty soon all the money will be together anyhow. Or does she spend all her money shopping instead of on porn?

This is a non-issue. My advice would be to ignore the porn. But if she can’t do that, then just ask the guy. Pretty simple. And if they get into a huge argument about it, then maybe they shouldn’t be getting married in the first place…

Look on the bright side, they weren’t pictures of men.

Well, from what I was told she asked him about it and everything is fine. She just explained why she was upset. He understood and all is fine. No she doesn’t spend money shopping. I think the point she made about spending money on porn had something to do with them trying to save money for their wedding and other financial things, rather than having it spent on new porn magazines when he already has a box full.

I like the name by the way…

My solution would be to tell her to give him sex until he can’t BEAR to look at porn :slight_smile: Works for me. I’ve been porn free for over 6 months now!

Thanks for the compliment on my name. Are you serious does that really work? Might have to try that one myself! :slight_smile:

Yeah I’m serious. When my girlfriend was being a total spaz and never had any sex drive and was always “not in the mood”, porn was where I turned to. Now that she’s turned 180 degrees and wants it every day, I don’t have any time or desire to bother with it. I think most normal gys would be the same. Who wants to look at a picture and yank their crank when they could be doing it in the flesh? That would be deviant. :slight_smile:

Well, several things are in this text. For one, I would only hope that if they are going to get married one day, and I somewhat gather they live together or spend a good deal at each other’s place, then perhaps she should confront him.

No, wait! She should buy a bunch of “Playgirl-The Big Dick Fiancé Eliminator” versions (you get the drift), and then she should put them in her dresser and wait for him to find them. Now, I would guess that he might say something, and then the two of them can work it out, have a bond fire, kiss, and then do things to each other that they wouldn’t do with farm animals…Or they walk hand in hand to “Yank Village” and go their separate ways.

You write, “What do you think she should do or how should she handle it?” Well, my response is, “It seems that he is doing enough handling all by himself.”