There were 13 boys in my class at school and they included a Bodie, Billy Joe, Buddy Jim, and Billy Frank (who had a sister Tammy Sue and a brother John Paul).
Two Texans are sitting in a small town bar, where one bragged to the other, “You know, I had me every woman in this town, except my mother and my sister.”
“Well” his buddy replied, “between you and me we got’em all.”[/quote]
The engine’s runnin’ but ain’t nobody driving
Translation: Not overly-intelligent.
Tighter than bark on a tree
Translation: Not very generous.
Big hat, no cattle
Translation: All talk and no action.
We’ve howdied but we ain’t shook yet
Translation: We’ve made a brief acquaintance, but not been formally introduced.
He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow
Translation: He has a pretty high opinion of himself.
As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party
Translation: (self-explanatory).
S/He’s got tongue enough for 10 rows of teeth
Translation: Talks a lot.
It’s so dry the trees are bribin’ the dogs
Translation: We really could use a little rain around here
Just because a chicken has wings don’t mean it can fly
Translation: Appearances can be deceptive.
This ain’t my first rodeo
Translation: I’ve been around awhile.
He looks like the dog’s been keepin’ him under the porch
Translation: Not the most handsome of men.
They ate supper before they said grace
Translation: Living in sin.
As full of wind as a corn-eating horse
Translation: Rather prone to boasting.
You can put your boots in the oven, but that don’t make 'em biscuits
Translation: You can say whatever you want about something, but that doesn’t change what it is.
[quote]doogie wrote:
There were 13 boys in my class at school and they included a Bodie, Billy Joe, Buddy Jim, and Billy Frank (who had a sister Tammy Sue and a brother John Paul).[/quote]
Hi Doogie,
My grandpa was from Texas. He gave all his sons redneck sounding names, or sorry, but that is what we call them, except for my dad.
My uncles are: Robert LeeRoy, Johnnie Ray(not John or Johnathon, or even Johnny), and Darrell Wayne. My dad got lucky with Glenn William. And I have two great uncles, Whip and Dammit, both from Texas.
Real notes written from parents in a Texas school district.
Original spellings left intact:
My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31,32, and also 33.
Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (strikethrough: diahre) (strikethrough: dyrea) (strikethrough:direathe) the shits.
Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.
I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don’t know what size she wear.
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
Texas is the only state to have the flags of 6 different nations fly over it. They are: Spain, France, Mexico, Republic of Texas, Confederate States, and the United States.
The first word spoken from the moon on July 20, 1969 was Houston
Laredo is the world’s largest inland port.
The Tyler Municipal Rose Garden is the world’s largest rose garden. It contains 38,000 rose bushes representing 500 varieties of roses set in a 22-acre garden.
Port Lavaca has the world’s longest fishing pier. Originally part of the causeway connecting the two sides of Lavaca Bay, the center span of was destroyed by Hurricane Carla in 1961
The world’s first rodeo was held in Pecos on July 4, 1883.
The capitol in Austin opened May 16, 1888. The dome of the building stands seven feet higher than that of the nation’s Capitol in Washington, D.C.
The first suspension bridge in the United States was the Waco Bridge. Built in 1870 and still in use today as a pedestrian crossing of the Brazos River.
Texas is the only state to enter the United States by treaty instead of territorial annexation.
[quote]OctoberGirl wrote:
14) DO NOT DARE to tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked). Criticize the barbecue and you may go home in a pine box-minus your ass. [/quote]
As a queuer I must say…TX BBQ sucks…yeah you heard me. Beef ribs? Come on! Tomato BBQ sauce?! ech!
Ok, maybe brisket is done well in TX but I think NC can kick everyone’s ass when it comes to pig. You ever been to an NC pig-pickin’