T Nation

What to Do with My Life?


#1

Feel like it's time for me to make some big decisions regarding my life.

I have a job that pays well, a good undergraduate degree, and I'm doing/have done more with my life than most people I meet. I'm very motivated and disciplined once I decide to do something.. But I just feel like there's a deep void in my life.

I only feel alive when I'm pursuing something actively - lifting, studying, playing music, etc. Just "living" bores the crap out of me. Apart from the few very close friends I have, I feel disconnected from other people.

Maybe it's my intensity; maybe it's some other intangible quality that won't let people let their guard down around me. Maybe it's the other way around, and I can't let my guard down around them. Maybe I'm just not happy with my job and need to bury myself deep in something I truly love doing.

Whatever the case, I'm wondering if anyone has the answer? I'm sure many people on this forum have difficulty connecting with the people around them, or feel constrained by their jobs. What do you do? This'd probably be easier for me to answer if I had a single person I look up to and admire.

However, I don't. So, if any of you dudes have any advice on finding my place and direction in life.. Go ahead.


#2

It all depends on what you like.

Me, I am the same way. I have accomplished a LOT when there is a clear goal in site. I have also wasted years not having any.

I would pick something and go for it. Something that will help you, whether it be work or personal life related.

It could be an unrelated grad degree, mba, dietetics, or kines…

If you don’t want to spend the money on education, start a business.

Start reading… pick an area and go for it.

What interests you?

bill


#3

i don’t reckon anybody has the magic answer for you, people have to make their own way in life and learn from their mistakes. Don’t know how old you are but look at the positives good job, intelligent, and driven. Not sure how hard core you are but if your diet and lifestyle is bodybuilding then it is kinda hard as i’m finding out, only other bodybuilders understand what your doing and why…you got a girlfriend? something to occupy your time when not in the gym? i have just given up drinking but having a couple down the pub does help you mingle and might just take the edge off your intensity…lets face it ‘just living’ is kinda boring because its repetitious

Ask your close mates if your that intense, you might just be dumping on yourself, i think alot depends on the type of person you are, i have worked with cleaners who are happy so long as they have enough brass to go to the bingo and some to give the grandkids, and then there’s the rich ones who are just miserable cos all they think about is material things and how much money they are making…

in essence set your goals, ie new car new house, etc but don’t let it consume your whole life, relax chill out and be happy, afterall life is not a rehersal

if you think all that is bull shite fair enough, just adding my bit…


#4

[quote]G87 wrote:
Feel like it’s time for me to make some big decisions regarding my life.

I have a job that pays well, a good undergraduate degree, and I’m doing/have done more with my life than most people I meet. I’m very motivated and disciplined once I decide to do something… But I just feel like there’s a deep void in my life.

I only feel alive when I’m pursuing something actively - lifting, studying, playing music, etc. Just “living” bores the crap out of me. Apart from the few very close friends I have, I feel disconnected from other people.

Maybe it’s my intensity; maybe it’s some other intangible quality that won’t let people let their guard down around me. Maybe it’s the other way around, and I can’t let my guard down around them. Maybe I’m just not happy with my job and need to bury myself deep in something I truly love doing.

Whatever the case, I’m wondering if anyone has the answer? I’m sure many people on this forum have difficulty connecting with the people around them, or feel constrained by their jobs. What do you do? This’d probably be easier for me to answer if I had a single person I look up to and admire.

However, I don’t. So, if any of you dudes have any advice on finding my place and direction in life… Go ahead. [/quote]

Didn’t you make a similar post like this, not too long ago?

Or, am I confusing you with someone else?


#5

[quote]imhungry wrote:
Didn’t you make a similar post like this, not too long ago?

Or, am I confusing you with someone else?[/quote]

No. I made another post in SAMA which had more to do with being new in town, and my difficulty in connecting with people. Maybe that’s what you have in mind?

BillO21

I have a lot of interests/hobbies. Linguistics, lifting, musical instruments/singing, fashion: and the list of what I get off on spending time on goes on and on. The thing is, I always viewed these as just hobbies, so I don’t have a clue regarding to how I can make money off them, lol :).

I guess it might help if I said that I’m in a situation where I might lose some of the things I take for granted in life. Not in a negative sense, but it would really uproot me and have me starting over again. The monetary side of things wouldn’t be an immediate problem, and it’s all up in the air, but it still got me thinking, which is what lead to me making this thread.

Triggerhappy

I see where you’re coming from, but I am determined to earn enough to support a pretty comfortable lifestyle as the sole breadwinner of the family, and however many children I want to have. Maybe that’s just the culture I’m from, and I guess I could just aim to earn just enough to get by on, but I need that security in my life. Or do I? Shit, this really has me asking questions about things I always considered to be axiomatic. Rambling even more than usual here.


#6

Not got much to add but:

My dad recently had a chat with me and said that his biggest regret in life (hes raceing towards 50) was that he hadnt done enough “ME” things. he had went to school becasue thats what you were meant to do, got a job at 16 becasue thats wat your meant to do, got married because he felt obligated to… etc etc. he wished he had of stepped back and decided what he WANTED to do and did it. maybe not in every situation but in alot more than he has.

As a direct result of that chat, i have taken a step back and analysed my life. I dont like half the degree im doing, and i dont like my body image.

so. Im changing both.

Im curently in second year and uni but im pretty sure i will be going back to 1st year next year to make sure i do a degree I enjoy and therefore will be interested in and actually do the work and hopefully get a better mark etc etc.

I also started a 8 week cut. with a possible V Diet at the end.

So my advice, is talk about it to these few people your close to, and then step back urself and analyse ur life. then look deepdown and see if there is anything you’d rather be doing. if there is and it is viable, GO AND FUCKING DO IT

“you miss 100% of shots you don’t take.” Wayne Gretzky

Scott


#7

Say, guys, is it possible to get any kind of worthwhile certification in sports/exercise while studying part-time? (Up to 10 hours/week). Anything that would qualify me as a PT, or, better yet, give me credibility as a gym owner is cool.

Thosebananas: Maybe you’re right. I derive pleasure from reaching for big, hefty goals. Maybe living day-to-day is so hard because of all the effort that is inherent to that. Funny how the concept of “Me time” works out in different ways for different people. To me, “me time” would be saying “fuck it” and having a weekly cheat meal and a beer. To you, it’s the reverse - tightening up.

All this talk reminds me of the Russian saying: “You won’t figure this out without 100 grams [of vodka]”


#8

[quote]G87 wrote:
Funny how the concept of “Me time” works out in different ways for different people. To me, “me time” would be saying “fuck it” and having a weekly cheat meal and a beer. To you, it’s the reverse - tightening up.
[/quote]

Me time is usually for whatever we’re not currently doing. Which is pretty sad, actually.


#9

[quote]G87 wrote:
Say, guys, is it possible to get any kind of worthwhile certification in sports/exercise while studying part-time? (Up to 10 hours/week). Anything that would qualify me as a PT, or, better yet, give me credibility as a gym owner is cool.[/quote]

I have four certifications like what you’ve described and I’m a second year undergraduate junior. It’s more than possible. I say go for it.


#10

[quote]Flow wrote:
G87 wrote:
Say, guys, is it possible to get any kind of worthwhile certification in sports/exercise while studying part-time? (Up to 10 hours/week). Anything that would qualify me as a PT, or, better yet, give me credibility as a gym owner is cool.

I have four certifications like what you’ve described and I’m a second year undergraduate junior. It’s more than possible. I say go for it.[/quote]

PM’ed

[quote]Vicomte wrote:
G87 wrote:
Funny how the concept of “Me time” works out in different ways for different people. To me, “me time” would be saying “fuck it” and having a weekly cheat meal and a beer. To you, it’s the reverse - tightening up.

Me time is usually for whatever we’re not currently doing. Which is pretty sad, actually.[/quote]

Sid Vicious makes for a pretty picture, but I hate that rotten, talentless bastard with a fiery passion.


#11

Read ‘Fight Club’.


#12

[quote]G87 wrote:
Sid Vicious makes for a pretty picture, but I hate that rotten, talentless bastard with a fiery passion.[/quote]

He’s the perfect avatar. Just a pretty mask to hide behind while I do whatever it is I do here.

Not to mention he’s wearing early semi-official Pistols gear. I wish I could find a reprint of that shirt; it’s hilarious.


#13

[quote]G87 wrote:
Feel like it’s time for me to make some big decisions regarding my life.

I have a job that pays well, a good undergraduate degree, and I’m doing/have done more with my life than most people I meet. I’m very motivated and disciplined once I decide to do something… But I just feel like there’s a deep void in my life.

I only feel alive when I’m pursuing something actively - lifting, studying, playing music, etc. Just “living” bores the crap out of me. Apart from the few very close friends I have, I feel disconnected from other people.

Maybe it’s my intensity; maybe it’s some other intangible quality that won’t let people let their guard down around me. Maybe it’s the other way around, and I can’t let my guard down around them. Maybe I’m just not happy with my job and need to bury myself deep in something I truly love doing.

Whatever the case, I’m wondering if anyone has the answer? I’m sure many people on this forum have difficulty connecting with the people around them, or feel constrained by their jobs. What do you do? This’d probably be easier for me to answer if I had a single person I look up to and admire.

However, I don’t. So, if any of you dudes have any advice on finding my place and direction in life… Go ahead. [/quote]

I hesitated a long time before deciding to reply. I think I am in a very similar situation, and so please excuse what may be a long post. I feel like I could have written that post myself… scary!

I too have a steady job, a good bachelors degree, etc. (and also moved to a new town, saw a thread of yours).

I’ve always been very intense. I too thrive when I have a clear goal in mind. It focuses me. Example: eating every 3 hours, preparing my meals, etc.

I agree that, unless you meet people who can handle your level of overall intensity, you will feel alienated from people. I too have very few close friends, and consider myself largely disconnected from people in general.

I think you need to find people of similar mind who let you be as intense as you want to be - to be yourself. I’m the drummer of a band right now, and it’s amazing what being with people who are similarly wired can do. Another example, for the first time in a long time, I met a guy my age at the YMCA where I work out who is also very intense about training and has the same drive and passion about it as I do. It was so refreshing.

A lot of people are happy as long as they can putter by in their shitty jobs living a mediocre existence. We know that we want to actually live life. It’s hard to find someone to admire, because so few people actually are themselves, and live their own version of life.

And I think you answered your own question - you need a goal to focus on. Make it one that will make you feel happy. Screw what anyone says/thinks.

It’s late on Saturday night and I’m tired, but I’ll leave you with some lyrics from a song…

“do what’s good for you… or you’re not good for anybody…”

g’nite

Wakiki


#14

Haven’t read any of the other reply posts but the only one with the answer is yourself. You gotta, as corny as it sounds, look within yourself to find the answer man. Success can, and should only, be defined by you.


#15

[quote]G87 wrote:
Feel like it’s time for me to make some big decisions regarding my life.

I have a job that pays well, a good undergraduate degree, and I’m doing/have done more with my life than most people I meet. I’m very motivated and disciplined once I decide to do something… But I just feel like there’s a deep void in my life.

I only feel alive when I’m pursuing something actively - lifting, studying, playing music, etc. Just “living” bores the crap out of me. Apart from the few very close friends I have, I feel disconnected from other people.

Maybe it’s my intensity; maybe it’s some other intangible quality that won’t let people let their guard down around me. Maybe it’s the other way around, and I can’t let my guard down around them. Maybe I’m just not happy with my job and need to bury myself deep in something I truly love doing.

Whatever the case, I’m wondering if anyone has the answer? I’m sure many people on this forum have difficulty connecting with the people around them, or feel constrained by their jobs. What do you do? This’d probably be easier for me to answer if I had a single person I look up to and admire.

However, I don’t. So, if any of you dudes have any advice on finding my place and direction in life… Go ahead. [/quote]

Dude, I can barely talk to anybody. I talk to like 4 people at my school. The person I look up to was just like I was, and lives in a studio apartment right now. I never really had a positive male role model. I feel I’m just going through the motions and coasting through life right now.

Maybe you need to take a vacation or something and get perspective on your life.
Or maybe you need to completely clean house and start over and do something that just isn’t some fuckin job.

I’m not quite sure what to tell, I’m still looking for the answer myself.
I’m still wondering if I’m crazy for thinking I can play pro basketball overseas. But fuck it, I’ll try anyways.


#16

You find it hard to connect with people because you have a totally different mindset. The general population I call 95 percenters because 95% just live mediocre lives and truth be told, they do it because they simply don’t know there are choices outside of working/marriage/kids.

Try reading Law of Success by Napolean Hill. He states something like man obtains happiness from working towards something. Once they own it, the purpose is lost.

Like I say to people(but they have no idea wtf it means) - Life is about Growth - if you aren’t growing your dying.

I can’t tell you what to do, but I can tell you if your not happy in your current situation, you are the master of your domain and nobody else really gives a shit so its up to you to do something about it.

I had the most cusy job in the world with potential to earn $150k within a few years but I fucking hated it so I left. I was lucky to get this job and everybody said I was crazy for leaving but it ain’t about the money man.


#17

[quote]Vicomte wrote:
G87 wrote:
Sid Vicious makes for a pretty picture, but I hate that rotten, talentless bastard with a fiery passion.

He’s the perfect avatar. Just a pretty mask to hide behind while I do whatever it is I do here.

Not to mention he’s wearing early semi-official Pistols gear. I wish I could find a reprint of that shirt; it’s hilarious.[/quote]

He’s the ANTI everything this site is about.

So, how do you justify being here? I’m only curious because I have less of one I’m sure. You fluctuate between Rotten and Vicious. How do you reconcile those personas with a body building website. Seriously. They’d have pulled out their dicks and pissed on it. Yet there you go with your ‘different’ self. Not so much Vicomte.


#18

[quote]G87 wrote:
…or feel constrained by their jobs. What do you do?[/quote]

As many other aspects already have been addressed extensively, I’ll add this:

To me, it’s not so much my job that’s constraining, but having to work for a living as a whole. The way I see it, except for a select few, choosing a job is about finding the “lesser evil”. I couldn’t think of anything I’d do voluntarily more than 40 hours a week, obligatory, subject to directives etc.

What am I trying to say? I advise against setting your hopes too high that you’ll find a job that you consider “fulfilling”. Shoot for something that you can live with, provides decent income and leaves you with enough energy that you can do what you really enjoy in your free time. If it turns out better than expected, so much the better.

As for the “select few”? Apart from some exceptional qualities and a certain mindset, I believe that you need a certain dose of luck in order to find the right basic conditions to make it work that way for you. I’m keeping my eyes open but won’t take unreasonable risks pursuing something I’m most likely not going to attain. Rather, I’ll concentrate on what is in my sphere of influence - free time, who I surround myself in that time, training, nutrition etc.


#19

start a band


#20

[quote]Molotov_Coktease wrote:
Vicomte wrote:
G87 wrote:
Sid Vicious makes for a pretty picture, but I hate that rotten, talentless bastard with a fiery passion.

He’s the perfect avatar. Just a pretty mask to hide behind while I do whatever it is I do here.

Not to mention he’s wearing early semi-official Pistols gear. I wish I could find a reprint of that shirt; it’s hilarious.

He’s the ANTI everything this site is about.

So, how do you justify being here? I’m only curious because I have less of one I’m sure. You fluctuate between Rotten and Vicious. How do you reconcile those personas with a body building website. Seriously.

They’d have pulled out their dicks and pissed on it. Yet there you go with your ‘different’ self. Not so much Vicomte.
[/quote]

You assume I’m anything like either Rotten or Vicious; I don’t pretend to be anything but myself.

Rather than a representation of myself, they both present fantastic representations of the idea of an avatar. An avatar is just a picture; it’s a completely fake, often idealized or stylized, ‘portrait’ that has little or nothing to do with the person behind it.

Rotten is fake, he’s John Lydon’s avatar. Vicious is fake, he’s John Beverly’s (or Simon Ritchie, depending on who you ask) avatar. As such, either can be my avatar, as I have about as much in common with Rotten or Vicious as Lydon or Beverly. Meaningless facades are easily interchangeable. In fact, they are designed to be as such.

If you like a simpler answer, I’m a Pistols fan who happens to occasionally find myself holding an unpopular opinion. Just as well it appears to come from the mouth of someone already known for such behavior. My ideas are more easily dismissed if I suggest I might just be pissing on your values just for the sake of it.

If I’m just some internet punk with a filthy mouth and no scruples, I effectively don’t matter, and neither does anything I say or believe. Think of it as a favor for T-Nation, if you will.

Why am I here? Same as everyone else. I currently have nothing better do, as Sunday is an off day. And shooting the shit is something to do after I order my protein.

G, I think most people are in a similar situation as you. Some settle for it, while others rise above it. If you don’t like your reality, change it until you do. I’m currently in a more transitive state, myself, and by the end of the year I plan to be doing something entirely foreign. Change my life, essentially. I see no other way to be what I want to be, or do what I want to do.

It’s scary, strange, and possibly quite stupid, but I imagine it has to be. Every dream worth having seems entirely ridiculous until you’ve fulfilled it. All we can do is try.

And if we fail, well, there’s something to be had in failure, as well.

And if we die, well, that’s pretty exciting, isn’t it?