T Nation

What To Do, Where To Go, After You Hit Rock Bottom?


#41

no. definitely do not do this. if anything, you could pursue a higher degree, but spending 3-4 more years in college for another bachelors would be truly stupid.

I’ll address this since it hasn’t really been addressed by the other posters. You’ve definitely gotten good advice so far though, great thread.

When I was 22 years old, I was arrested on a felony charge for cocaine possession. My life had been spiraling out of control. I was out of money, had just been kicked out of the apartment I was living in, car was wrecked, etc. I was arrested in a public park at like 5am. I had to call my parents, who had no idea this was going on with me. It was a tough time for me, and I consider this day to have been my own rock bottom.

I went through a lot of emotional turmoil with my family. It took my father years to trust me again. I still got backlash about what I did for about 7 years after that. But the fact is, my life steadily improved after that terrible night, as I continued to put one foot in front of the other. You know where I am now based on what we talked about in the other thread about buying a house.

Trust the process. You’ll make plenty more mistakes along the way, as I have, but if you continue to work towards being a better man and improving your life, you can make this your true rock bottom, and never return to it.

I do have one additional thing to say to you. The way you talk about your life sounds like you’re walking on a tight rope, just barely staying upright. One thread you’re trying to navigate your steroid use history, telling your gf about it, avoiding your future employer knowing about it. The next you’re trying to take a huge step in buying a house with said gf. So you somehow came to the conclusion that you could hide the fact that you’ve been abusing drugs for the last 3 years from your gf, and that at the same time you have a strong enough relationship to essentially start a family together? No man. Take a good, hard look at yourself and what you’re doing. You’re emotionally all over the map.

You sound like me at your age. There’s like this ethereal set of expectations you’re trying to live up to. You have friends starting families, buying houses. You’re a college grad with a career plan. You’re trying to fit a particular mold, and you’re asking strangers ‘is this what people usually do? Am I doing this right?’ All of this can easily come crashing down on you, in a much worse way that what has already happened to you. Take your mental health seriously, my man. Really think about what your priorities are, and what you’re willing to do to reach your goals. You need to decide what is essential to your life and what isn’t. You need to figure out what REALLY got you to this bad night. Because let’s be real. Not everyone finds themselves in the drunk tank when they’re on the precipice of having everything they think they want.

I would highly recommend seeing a counselor/therapist to talk things out. There’s no shame in it, and it could really help you with your decision making going forward. Most of the truly successful people I know in life have some sort of counseling in their life to help them make good decisions.


#42

I am all over the map, i agree with you. I did tell my girlfriend - We have been dating for 5 months. You are right though, I will do that, Thank you.


#43

I don’t know what got me to this night. I’ve been unhappy for the past year, not being successful in what I wanted to do. I finally landed everything and I fucked up. I lost my current job last week and had to get a new one. My girlfriend just lost her job. I am struggling financially, I compare myself to others, my parents think I have an alcohol problem. Just feel like nothing is going right.


#44

do you think you have an alcohol problem?

you’ve built up a lot of things that no one can take away from you. Your education and your degree are yours forever. Your record is essentially clean. This is why I suggested talking this out with a professional. Just saying things out loud might help with the thought process for you to try to figure out what’s next for you. You have so many doors you could open with your background. Nobody HAS to go into the field of their degree. Most people don’t. I studied Philosophy and Psychology for undergrad. You know what I do with those degrees now? Not a damn thing. Because things change. We go in unexpected directions, we take advantage of unforseen opportunities when they arise. This is why part of why I suggested maintaining flexibility in your other thread. The more flexible, the more liquid you are at this age, the more likely you’ll be to take the right path when you see it.

One foot in front of the other. Stay focused on what’s right in front of you.


#45

I definitely do not have a dependence on alcohol, but cannot argue about whether or not it has caused an issue with my life/career


#46

I was putting down a full tumbler of 100 proof every night just to take the edge off of my work and money stress (long sob story is irrelevant).

Not getting even a buzz, but it was a habit. Then I found out my triglycerides were at 203 after being below the range previously. Could’ve been the stress or the booze, or both. Not sure. That was my wake up call.

Now I only have one every couple weeks when my dad or friends visit. If you don’t think you have a drinking problem then may I recommend taking a 4 week break from the sauce just to reset and prove to yourself that you have self control? You don’t have to be a substance abuser for substances to mess up your life, as you just learned.


#47

You didn’t get hurt, and neither did anybody else. In my perspective, this wasn’t that bad. I think it’s unfortunate that you and your gf lost your jobs, and even though it’s done and it was up to the employer’s discretion, I feel it’s unfair (and I’m sure you do too) because I know of people who’ve kept their jobs for doing much worse.

You still have a relevant college degree. I would recommend a masters in some kinda related program. There are plenty of jobs out there, and I think this is your opportunity to show out and do good for yourself.

I personally had a clean record and still had it rough a year after college. I was sleeping on an air matress in an 8x8 room (which was probably intended to be a closet) in Manhattan trying to do something with my International Business degree, and got nowhere. I didn’t get a good job or make the money I wanted till after I went to grad school 5 years later.


#48

Listen to all the great advice you just got. If corrections and the feds won’t touch you for a year may I suggest “slumming” it and working as a constable, doorman or as armed security?

Constables have to serve warrants by themselves very often (and serve lawsuits). The standards for being a constable or officer of the court are usually lower than being a full cop.

So even if you don’t get your dream job when someone asks you what you’ve been doing for the past year you’ll have relevant experience.

Also I’d like to dissuade you from getting a masters with no real life experience. I’ve had useless MBA’s (with all the debt that comes with it) work for me because employers are leery of people with advanced degrees and no experience. The only exception I’ve seen is Ivy league or top 10 degree programs.

It’s a stigma that people will put on you fair or not.


#49

Thank you - I don’t know if they will touch me or not - that’s what I’m going to find out. Technically, this isn’t against any hiring policy. They look at misdemeanors and felonies, I have neither. My friend said he knows a few people who work for the BoP at his facility who have gotten a DUI while employed and they kept their job. I’m not even sure if they will see this information - the facility is out of state. The department who took me in is small, there are no public records, just some misc. paper work. The department I was soon to be employed at is literally a few miles down the road, probably share a dispatch center - that’s how they found out.


#50

You were employed there?

Your story is developing holes and I’ve been wondering from the get go if you were being entirely honest.


#51

not employed per say, hired - soon to be employed.


#52

Why would I waste my time making shit up


#53

I dunno. You barely ever drink but your parents think you have a problem.

You call it an opportunity then say you were employed there.

There were a couple of other little things that have raised red flags too but I’m not about to go back and completely scrutinize every post.

So you tell us. Why ARE you making shit up?


#54

I was hired, academy date set, did not actually start working. I thought I had made that very clear. I said employed when I should have wrote soon-to-be. Hired. Believe it or not my friend, this is my reality. Thank you for your input


#55

This is how it works. You get “hired” but you’re kind of in limbo until the academy starts.


#56

I’d be curious to know why police were called.


#57

We fell asleep in the hallway outside of our room. managed to lock ourselves out. I don’t remember this, all I remember is waking up to an officer, being in the tank and on the way the officers telling us we were not in any trouble. I don’t know why we left the room, it was after we had gotten back from the bars.


#58

Update: Just received an email from the Chief of the agency I turned down. I can be re-considered for the following class in August.


#59

That sucks so bad… and very unfortunate that this happened.


#60

Then, you have an alcohol problem. If not, just quit.

This is called a blackout. It’s a sign you have a problem.

My personal opinion (I know, they’re like assholes) is that you should focus on yourself and not worry about a career right now - get yourself right and everything will take care of itself. You can’t take shortcuts.

Make yourself a priority and have some patience with yourself. You’ve been dating a girl for five months and were looking to but a house with her - that’s a red flag.

Take your time and love yourself.