Help! I have tried everything to motivate my girlfriend to lift weights. She was even doing it for a while (only when I made her, of course), but she quit. And now, just when I thought she might be motivated enough to start again, I found out the terrible news: she has ordered the “Ab-Doer”. Just like all the estrogen-filled housewives out there who don’t have a clue, she believes everything she sees on the commercials and thinks she will lose inches from her waist as soon as she gets it. What have I been doing wrong? What more can I do? The dreaded machine will be arriving any day now. Help!
You can do NOTHING to motivate her. Motivation has to come from within. You can inspire, and maybe provide a good example, but you’ve already excavated a vast gaping hole when you “made her” lift. Back off, provide resources when she asks for them, and just try to be a good example.
Brider is absolutely right. I’ve been through this a few times and you cann’t motivate people who themselves are not enthused in the particular program. Inspiration only works for those who want to be inspired. Most people when pushed into a program that they are not enthused with themselves, will resist and are ultimately doomed to failure. I’ve seen few successes of couples enjoying weight training together as a male and females goals are usually to different to make compatible training partners. If you try to force the issue to hard, she will just end up resenting it and avoid any kind of fitness training altogether. Good Luck.
The last 5 or so chapters of Dinosaur Training are really good for that, guy or girl. Someone would have to be dead inside to not be affected by that stuff.
A lot of stores in my area have this “Abb thingy” on display. Have sampled a dozen or so of them. Verdict: of all the contraptions I’ve tried in my life, this has to be the SINGLE MOST USELESS PIECE OF SHIT !!! At no time do you ever feel the target muscles being worked; in fact, you can probably get just as good an abb workout by rocking in your computer chair. The "Abb-Doer"does absolutely nothing! The inventor of this worthless hunk of SHIT once was an Olympic trainer, a credible fitness expert; now he uses the talents God gave him to knowingly rip people off…how sad!
P.S. Please...don't even let her open the box; just return it immediately. And next time she has an urge to buy one of these "thingies," have her try it out first. So many of them are on display @ Modells, Sears, BJ's wholesale, etc... (Please let your woman read this!)
ROCK!!! ROCK!!! ROCK!!! Rock your way…To a FITTER …SLIMMER …TRIMMER…More VIBRANT…HEALTHIER…
SEXIER YOU!!! YOU, YES, YOU, in as little as 3 minutes a day, can have the BODY YOU ALWAYS DREAMED OF!!! (FUCKING INFOMERCIALS…AGHRRR!!!))))
ok. no flames here. the ab-doer is better than nothing. when she gets it and it doens’t do shit perhaps you can encourage her into the gym again. perhaps get her a few sessions with a trainer as a gift? look at it from the standpoint of anything is better than nothing, and see if there are some classes or something at the gym that she’d like to try. we covered this in one of the ‘gang’ columns, take a look there…
You can’t force anyone to workout, much less motivate someone who has no real desire. I suggest if you want her to live a healthy lifestyle that you try something outside of the gym and make it fun for her. Running around at the park, volleyball, soccer, tennis, agility ladders–see who can get through faster, make it a game. And if you play sport, chances are that will motivate you to train. But don’t stick her on a bench and tell her to give you 10 good ones. Lifting can be very boring… make exercise fun, and you can have an incredibly effective workout outside. Good luck.
slightly off topic, but we were all lucky enough to find t-mag. I know if i hadn’t of found t-mag, i’d probably believe everything on infomercials. so my question is, how should everyone else, who doesn’t know of t-mag, know what’s right and what’s wrong? I always get pissed when i hear girls in my classes talk about how they are dieting and taking xenadrine to lose weight. but how should they know that’s wrong? first off, they should try to diet without that shit, and second, they should try working out to help burn fat, not just lose all their weight. i wouldn’t mind a girl who weighed 150 or whatever as long as she looked good. the actual number that you weigh really doesn’t mean shit, but stupid fat girls and guys seem to care about that number.
here is what you do… tho it may require a bit of a setup, talk to your Gf about you working out at home, get a bench for doing bench presses. Then when you are both at home or what not, tell her youre gona work out, make a bit of noise so that she can hear you working out, then get on the bench thingie and put the bar over your neck (so get a light bar or something) then stick your tongue out like you are some kind of a cartoon cat, then yell out for her to help you. She’ll come running (if she loves you anyway, guess this is a good love test too) and pretend that the bar is too heavy for you, then you can either let her lift the bar off and then say thank god you are so strong! your muscles saved me! or you could say: if only you were strong enough to lift this I wouldn’t have to die… depending on whether she can lift the bar off of you. Either way she’ll work out from that day forth. Good luck.
I think it is great that your girl is getting into exercise.
Consider this ab machine the first step. Don’t let her over do it to cause soreness at first. The trick here is to give positive encouragement. People won’t try things that seem too hard or too easy. This is probably just her pace for now.
Your job as a sensitive coach is to be very patient and encouraging. Your second job is to make sure there is a specific time set aside for workout, perhaps 3 to 4 evenings a week. She may not get anything from the workout but you are training her to a schedule. Everytime she completes her workout you hug her and say that’s great. No ragging no theory, no hard core do this to be happy and strong blah, blah, blah shit. Just encouragement.
After a couple weeks, her workouts will become routine. Tell her she’s looking great. Yes, lie you bastard and get used to it. You’ll be doing it your whole life if you ever marry.
Then you move her up to the next step, which is nutrition. Say “Darling, I think I am getting a little flabby. Could you help me put together a sensible eating program?” "A buddy (or lady) at work is on a type II diabetic diet and they have lost (however many pounds you want her to lose) pounds in the last 3 months.
A type II diabetic diet is perfect for most women and you will find it remarkably similar to a body building diet, except you will eat more calories.
Get a copy of the diet at Amazon. Let her help you find it and order it. Put it on her card so she has vested interest. When the book comes take a quick read of it (after she has read it. Act confused and have her explain it. Don’t start that, but Bill Philips says this or T-Mag says that shit. The guys who wrote this book know more about insulin and testosterone and nutrition than anyone on the planet.
The trick here is to get her to take the diet lead. She’ll like the Type II because you get to eat 5-6 times a day. There is a good ratio of carbs to protein and plenty of fat. If she drinks pop, she’ll have to transition to tea (no sugar) on this diet.
Ask her questions along the way - “Honey what can we eat for dinner?” “What is our snack for this morning?” “What can I have for snack, What are you going to have?”
You see my point here? After 2 or 3 weeks of this and about 4 or 5 week of the ab deal she will be feeling really good. The Type II diet will do that. You’ll be having more sex (because she physically and mentally feels good)
Then it is the subtle moment my friend - Time to step up the workout. She has already developed an exercise habit (an adiction really) and a good eating plan. She may not have lost much weight but this has all been preliminary, a sort of warm up.
You subtle suggestion is that she notch it up a bit. Let her choose the notch up. Whether it be aerobics at the gym, workout tapes at home, yoga or even good forbid light weight lifting.
If she chooses weight lifting (don’t even try to lead her that way) your next step will be to suggest 6 very simple exercises. Curls, shoulder press, bench presses etc. Nothing too hard my friend.
Use very light dumbells without varying the weight on exercises. Teach her the basic moves. High reps, multiple sets 3 times per week.
You are again training her to the routine. And don’t let her slack off the ab deal, but you might suggest a crunch or two if she is ready.
Let her do the weights, diet, sit ups for another 2 or 3 weeks with positive praise and plenty of “your looking great!” (more sex here my friend)
If she chooses a stationary bike or arobics hang with that too. It is all an evolution. Your goal here is to have a hard body in 18 months not 18 days.
Your now 8 - 10 weeks into the warm up or hardening process. She will be breathing better. Her blood will be flowing (we know what that means!) She may have even lost a few pounds.
It would be time to crank it up a notch. Either a little more precise heavier weights or add weights if she has only been doing cardio type stuff. Be sure to keep steady on the diet. Avoid unhealthy restaurants (all most all of them) avoid beer and wine. Plenty of water, you know the routine.
Somewhere around the 6 - 8 week level you should be in the grocery store with her and casually looking at your favorite workout mags. Right next to them will be a “Shape” mag. She will miraculously pick it up. You say “That looks great” and head for the check out. You have her where you want her now my friend.
She is taking the lead. She is motivated. You are not the prode but the piper.
Once she has lost several pounds. You take her out for a nice romantic evening. You tell her you are proud of her dedication and say you know she can make “her” goals. Any goals in life. She is a powerful, beautiful, sexy and blah, blah, blah.
At this point you start asking her opinion. (not at the romantic moment but over time) “Do you think negatives are would help me?” “Do you think I am eating enough fat?” “Did you see that article in “Shape” about blah, blah?”
It’s all a subtle mental game my friend. Humans hate change and rapid change encouraged by an overly agressive boyfriend back fires every time.
A little longer answer than you might have wanted but this is the program.
In 18 months, if you keep progressing, your babe will be one hard body sex machine. She’ll probably leave you for some jerk. But hey it was good while it lasted!
Yours was possibly the best answer ever to appear on the Forum. Well done.
I would encourage her to use it. If she gets into a regular exercise routine, even with the Ab Doer, it may eventually lead her back to lifting weights for good. Even if she doesn’t go back to weights, at least she’s doing SOMETHING instead of sitting on her ass like 99% women do. Take what you can get, dude. Be supportive.
Thanks for all the ideas, guys. The thing is, she already has the interest, she’s just too lazy. We went to a bodybuilding show once, and she was pretty motivated after that. I started helping her lift weights, but after a week or so she just started complaining all the time. She really wants to be strong and muscular, but she just doesn’t want to work hard for it. I think all the infomercials have really gotten to her. She thinks it should be easy. I’ll try working her into it slowly, maybe that will work. I wonder why the hard-core kind of motivation works on guys and not girls. Does anybody know? Should I even bother having her read this mag? Thanks again!