T Nation

What is she really IS fat?

Most of us on this web board hold ourselves to higher physical standards. Thus, most people, from our perspective, are “fat.” Now, how do you answer the infamously female question, “Do I look fat,” when she really does need to lose 15 or so pounds? This girl I’m dating is great overall, just a few pounds overweight. She knows it and is on a diet. When she mentions her weight, I usually say, “That’s cool. Nobody’s perfect.” Or, “Hey, but you’re great anyway. I have flaws too. Let’s not focus on the less than perfect.” I can’t really bullshit her because she knows my own personal standards. So what do y’all say, not to a skinny girl who asks the question because she needs attention; but to a girl who needs a small fat shedding?

Well, it might not be good for the love life, but, she DID ask . . . my husband told me the truth when I was fat. So now if I ask and he tells me I look great I can truly take it as a compliment. Remember Chris’s “Naked Truth” column?

Or just say, “yeah, you should work out more.” As Shugart said in his article “Get Laid the Testosterone Way.” So if she’s working on it, that’s a good sign. Give her plenty of support! You gotta be honest. She knows your standards, and that may motivate her more to become acceptable. I’ve dated a few girls who had a bit of thickness to them. Needless to say, I don’t think I dated them more than 6 months…but I didn’t break up with them because of that. I have yet to find the right one…the one who is fit and in good shape…and not just a thin girl who is lucky to be thin and look pretty decent w/o working out. One day it’ll happen. I have high standards. So I’m confident it’ll all work out in the end.

Tell her, I’ve done it (and yeah, she was temporarily pissed, but she got over it)… The key is to then offer suggestions and BE VERY POSITIVE about how she’s improving (provided you get her to go to the gym), b/c progress, as we all know, is slow when the person really isn’t fat, fat–just has a few pounds to shedd. So don’t let her get discouraged!

Ask her why she’s asking you.

Answering with a question is always a recipe for disaster. Most women like direct, assertive, and strong men. Sure, they might not tell you that straight-out, but it is true. Tell her what you really think, justify it, and then help her on her way. If she can’t handle the truth, she can’t handle you.

I have to get into this one. My girlfriend always complains about her weight. She’s not fat, but she has gained some since we started dating. Then she asks me if her ass is still good!! I just wanna be like “It could use some work”. But of course, that would be insesitive of me! I NEVER have asked her what she thought of my weight/ass. I hate when women (and it’s not just the present woman) ask loaded questions like that, where you can’t tell the truth! If you say she’s fine, she thinks gaining weight is ok. If you say she’s fat you’re a jerk. I know it’s not that simple, and I am not trying to generalize women. But I have found it to be a common “problem”. Ok, my rant is over.

I would rather have a woman who was a little over weight than under. Fat out of shape girls aren’t cool but I do like a little meat on my women. Really, I want a woman who is veluptuous. This whole fitness competitor look doesn’t do it for me. Non of them have tits. And no, fake ones don’t count. I’m so tired of people saying actors and the like who are built like poles are atractive. It’s really starting to make me sick. Give me marilyne monroe over some scrawny Maxim chick any day. What ever happened to shapely women?
Sorry, I know that was sort of off topic but I’ve been wanting to say that for a while.

Tell her the truth in an encouraging way since she is aware of the problem and is dieting.“You’re looking even better than when I first met you and when you reach your goal you will be phat!” Women know when they are fat, so why they ask, I’ll never know. Tell them the truth, they will either stop asking or fix it. Don’t enable them.

here’s what i have done:
if she thinks she’s fat, offer to help her get in BETTER shape (don’t say you’ll help her get in shape, say you’ll help her get in BETTER shape. that way it doesn’t sound so negative). if you’re a t-man, you must be dedicated to being in the best shape possible nudge, so offer her some of your expertise in the area of nutrition and training. make her a list of “good” foods and “bad” foods and general do’s and don’ts. then make a workout schedule for her. give her some sample eating plans, etc. BUT, you have to lead by example. if you’re half assing it on your nutrition and training, yet you act like a drill sargeant with her, it aint gonna work. give this method a try. she’ll probably appreciate that you care enough to take the time to help her out. it worked for me.

I’m in a similar situation now. My new girlfriend is 5’4", 33% bodyfat (said Tanita). She is beautiful, no doubts about it, and I don’t care about her extra weight. When I met her, she was anti-diet, and even if she was aware that she could lose some fat, she felt very confortable with her body, she didn’t try to hide it. So when she asked me if I think she was fat, I took the opportunity. I told her:" I love your body, you are beautiful, but I’m a little concerned about your health since 33%BF is a little off the chart". I explained to her that at 30 years old, you can’t count on your eternal youth to stay thin and healthy. Since she is health conscious, she asked me to help her with her diet and I did. She is now training 3 times a week (no cardio), and you should see her pump those weights! Perfect form! She is on a cyclic keto diet, no rice for my little Asian (I know I’m good…). So she lost a little weight and I told her that we can see the features of her beautiful face a little more, so she stays motivated. Now, she’s ready to really diet and she set some goals, like losing 15 lbs in 2 months. The motivation has to come from inside, and all I did is to trigger that motivation. So my suggestion is: 1- Don’t make her feel like you don’t find her attractive; 2- bring your concerns about her health; 3- encourage her when she has results; 4- encourage her when she doesn’t; 5- help her have the body she wants, not the body you want. Sometimes we are in a restaurant and she really wants that cake. I tell her:“Go ahead, have it, you know I find you very beautiful as you are”. She won’t have it.