T Nation

What Do You Tell Your Friends?


#1

Howdy,

As I progress with my diet/excercise and see changes in physique/quality of life, I become more and more determined to stay on track, and not cheat, or miss workouts arbitrarily.

The dillema is this though. My friends are CONSTANTLY doing everything they can to get me to break. Ive lost 115 pounds in a year, and the same people who tell me I look so great and admire the dedication it takes are the ones always trying to coax me into that dessert, or a night of benge drinking.

Ive tried scientific explanations about T-levels in realtion to booze, and how I carefully plan my "cheat" meals, and how nothing tastes better than seeing changes in my body.

Other than telling my good friends to screw off, I dont know what else to say to make them get it...

What have you guys said? Im a genuinely nice guy and I hate being an ass to my friends, but Im getting to that point. Any suggestions? Stories?

Josh


#2

Dude, no.


#3

There's been a few other threads on this, check around in the archives.

Shugart's also written up a few blogs about it. Here's one I can remember: Health Nuts vs. Death Nuts - http://www.T-Nation.com/readTopic.do?id=700784


#4

Just tell them you dont want it. What happens with me is they usually offer 2 or 3 times and then stop. If they are really persistant that you break the diet just bring up the fact that you have just lost 115 pounds and you didn't do it by eating ice cream and drinking beer, Follow it up with a slap on their beer belly if they have one.


#5

I definitely find this to be one of the most difficult sides of having a strict nutrition program... the social conflict. Eating and drinking is a big part of how we socialize. That being said, there are three main ways I cope:

  1. Be firm. There is no "Gee, I really shouldn't..." It's, "No. I don't wan't it. Fuck off." The important part of this is that you have to be consistent, if you cave this week, they'll expect it again and again.

  2. Just don't place yourself in the environment with the people that tend to pressure you. Eg, you may find that going to the bar with X buddy is a pain in the ass, but hanging out at the volleyball court is all good. So hang out at the volleyball court.

  3. As last ditch: time your 10% meals, or cheat meals, or metabolic ramping meals, or whatever you want to call them, around these events that you can see coming, and make the best choices you can. You don't want to rely on this too much though, because it can mess with the consistency thing in #1, and somehow it just smacks of loser talk.

It bugs me. Some shmuck has a birthday in the next office over, and I've gotta blow a meal I'd rather spend on something else socializinng and office politicing over his crappy cake.

Hopefully that helps.


#6

tell your saboteur friends that they need to "lock it up" when they razz you.

Then ask if they're jealous that they don't have the willpower to take their lives where they want to.

Be an ass to them a little, you've earned it.


#7

Tell em' you will be happy to go have a beer. Right after ALL of you go lift first.


#8

Just don't go with them. You don't need an excuse. Just a 'i don't feel like it' is good enough.

I would never get into a scientific explanation of anything with someone who doesn't know or care about it to begin with. They're going to switch of as soon as you say the first word with more than 2 syllables in it.


#9

Your opening sentence says you are making changes in your life. It see that as an answer to your own question.

Changes in your life = lifestyle changes. Changes in your life is not just changing one aspect, it changes your outlook on everything.

An addict who decides to change there life and decides to go clean is strongly advised to stop association with the people that they used with. They are advised to avoid situations where the would used before and situations that would tempt them to use.

It is a hard decision, and not easy to let old friends go. But as you change your life, and your priorities, you often need to chane those you associate with. Surrounding yourself with like minded people and putting yourself in a positive environment goes a long way towards helping to achieve your goals.

If you find that your friends are against your goals, and surrounding you with negativety, maybe you need to reevalueate your friendship.

Do a search for an article called "Toxic People" on this site. If you read it, you might find it applies to your situation.


#10

If they are your real friends, they will understand you and what your goals mean to you. They shouldn't put pressure on you about the direction you are steering your life. True friends may rib you a little, but not seriously because they should be wanting you to hit your goals.

So, if they aren't being understanding, tell them so and that you have an idea in your head and they need to respect that.


#11

They keep offering you desert? They're trying to sabotage you. They want to drag you down to their level. Let's hope it's subconsciously.

When they keep offering you desert, you have to take the fight to them. Start arguing with them that they shouldn't have desert either.

They'll quickly come up with their defense that it's their choice if they want desert. And then you checkmate them with: "well, it's also my choice if they want desert or not".


#12

http://www.T-Nation.com/findArticle.do?article=05-atomicdog-020


#13

Their intentions are not malicious; they want the guy to enjoy life like they do, only what they enjoy more differs.


#14

Welcome to my life and lots of other readers on here as well. My best advice? Go about your business and offer no explantions. Be happy in the fact that what you are doing is good for you. Just don't let them take away your motivation!

Good Luck!

AG


#15

Agreed. I used to get jokes like, "are you having a protein shake for thanksgiving?" and other bullshit, but no one ever tried to pressure me into drinking if I didn't want to. As far as shoving food in my face, I ate more than most of them anyway so I really don't understand this one.

I was usually the one in the car saying, "dude, I'm hungry...let's eat". If you are serious about weight lifting, others would only fuck with you beyond minor bullshit if they saw weakness in you. That is my honest opinion. Throwing jokes at you about what you do is normal.

Actually attempting to screw your progress up makes me wonder if they are your friends. Now, parents are a different issue. I made little to no physical progress as long as I lived at home because of different issues. I feel that family often has a desire to control you and that can definitely fuck up your goals. That is all the more reason to become independant. As far as loved ones, that is something that I wouldn't tolerate, but that's just me.


#16

Josh,

About 12 years ago I set out to lose 165 lbs which I did. I also kept it off and I recently started a serious weight training program with even a better diet than I was doing before.

Anyway, I know exactly what you are talking about. Even now there are those around me who scoff at the protein shakes, protein bars, my dedication not to eat junk, etc.

What I do is simple: I tell them that I like doing what I am doing and they are free to eat and live the way they wish. I stay on my program, and like you, I plan my cheat meals with care as well.

Bottom line is that you are the only one who can control you. People that never had an issue with food cannot really understand where you came from, even though they may have seen you change right before their eyes. Also, in my opinion, some if not all of them are jealous.

Keep it up!


#17

Success can be somewhat alienating.

I usually just throw in my, "doesn't quite jive..." line.
No negotiations.
End of discussion.

Having these discussions in arm-bearing apparel does seem to strengthen my case.

It's especially hard to explain to my roommates who want to remedy every ailment in life with chocolate, Desperate Housewives and sangria.
Trade you for some... Grow! Calvin and Hobbes and Vanilla Green tea??

I just am who I am and do what I do.

What more is there to life than being who you are?
A certain way of life may repel and attract others - those who care for you will support and respect your goals, however different they may be from their own.


#18

I hate the word "diet". I eat clean all the time, I don't go on "diets". "Diets" are what fat housewives and weak men with no self discipline go on for a week every january the 1st or summertime.

Its a sad state of affairs when the majority of people think eating healthy and exercising is something done for short periods.


#19

My situation is probably quite common around here. My friends share my goals. Not because I have some contagious personality, but because I tend to hang out and befriend people who share common interests.

The composition of who I am with has changed as I have. People with dissimmilar interests go there own ways and I go mine, but what happens with others that share common interests is that we end up in the same places.


#20

Get new friends...seriously.