T Nation

What Do You Guys Do When You Can’t Get It Up?

Ehhh I wouldn’t be so sure of that. The fact that they don’t usually screw anything that moves like most guys do doesn’t mean he’s wrong


I’ve actually had it the opposite way, which is totally weird.

Years before I set out to fix any of this, I had a couple really awkward failed attempts, and those girls became infatuated with me.

I think partially because I made up for it on the emotional side. Made a strong connection, and showed confidence in the issue (mainly because I’m familiar with it enough now to know that it’s fixable).

Not disagreeing at all, just probably subtle differences in everyone’s situations.

It’s definitely all over the place. I have some female friends who would be fine never having sex again (or so they say), and others that pretty much have a problem.

I will say it’s tough finding a girl who both enjoys sex and owns it, which to me is awesome. Feels like we’re on a level playing field, and she’s not afraid of something she enjoys.

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Women want, more than money, sex or anything, is EMOTIONAL connection.

You get this with her, and get it well, you’re in.


Yes there is too much social pressure for them, but when they are relaxed and trust you what a fuckin sluts they can be…

I’m with this guy.

It’ the opposite of what the internet would like you to think, but it’s entirely true.

I have a friend who’s allegedly “great” in bed, and used to still get cheated on in every relationship because he was just too cold around the girls he met.

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I am sure the men who are married can attest to this.

A real woman wants a man that cares about them. someone who listens to them. A real partner in life. someone who looks out for them. someone who tries to understand them. They can rely upon you. someone they can talk to. They want to feel trusted with your feelings/emotins as well. they want the connection. Chemistry is when you can do this easily without even trying. it just happens and you understand one another. Sex is the last thing on the list for these woman. But its a must have for woman , just like it is for men. They just need all the stars to line up before committing to awesome and regular sex whenever you want it.

It flows like water when you have the right woman. When you do this she is more than happy to keep the grunt inside us happy. Opposites definitely attract.

Girls are focused on everything else. just like boys. Totally different story. you had better take some viagra / Cialis if this is what you are dealing with.

Like Roscoe said. Woman want an emotional connection. they want to feel like you are invested in them emotionally, physically and everything else in between.

Get married and if you dont do these things, you will quickly realize your marriage has gone bad. No more sex. She loses her care for you. she complains and bitches about everything.


How long has it been since you got off the AI? I can’t see any man reaching 1k and having libido issues. Thats if your free t levels are good. More importantly your estrogen and DHT levels are what will give you good libido or bad. expect issues if your free t is high, but the other two are low .

It takes time to adjust. one of the biggest mistakes men make is not waiting long enough after a big change or not adusting dose for optimal outcomes. It can take a couple months after a change to normalize. Shit it could take more than that depending on your history.

If its only been a couple months since you got off an AI , I would give it a couple more months and stay consistent.

I would also make sure you are taking enough T to raise dht and estrogen into optimal ranges. If you do some research on this board you will realize that almost every single guy who has estrogen 40+ and even 50+ never complains of libido. they are walking erections all the time. its only those guys who try to keep their levels low, or within the so called healthy range , are the ones who complain about inconsistency in their health and sex life.

If its been a few or several months since getting of an Ai I would make sure im doing daily, I would run labs to ensure my body is producing enough estrogen and dht. if all of these look good I would just switch to the scrotal cream and that will definitely help . cream increases dht much more than injections.

guys on the cream do not complain of libido. They do complain its too much sometimes.

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I couldn’t agree more. The girls more my age I’ve met care a lot more about this. Women, I mean, ha.

When I tried anastrozole last summer and fried my libido, that’s all my gf at the time cared about. Yelled at me constantly for it. I get it, it was my fault for taking it, but not like I didn’t want to have sex. Made a bad thing so much worse.

I’m thinking that my extensive use of cialis lately might’ve hit my E2 badly. I was hoping test results would be in today, but nothing yet. I’ve also recently stopped taking unisom and other OTC sleep meds. Then an amazing thing happened…this morning I had morning wood! Still not my usual libido, but a good sign.

I also have slightly elevated prolactin that’s probably not helping. Made worse by the fact that my E2 seems to drive it up.

I might bring up the cream during my next consult with Dr Saya. Do you use it daily or just as needed? Does it affect E2 at all?

Again I only ask about E2 because it does drive PRL, and in my case, drives it well out of range likely due to the pituitary tumor. Probably why I started having more issues when I raised my dose back in September.

Women don’t have to all be the same. Do I have the same sex drive as every other man? Do some women care a lot about sex?, of course. Do some women not give a care in the world about sex, and look for other properties?, of course.


Yea I’ve seen quite the spectrum, I agree.

I will say - and this is not targeted at @vonko1988 - I saw a lot of the “you have to fuck her really well so she never leaves” mindset in online dating advice. IMO it’s a one way ticket to misogyny.

While I want a great sex life, it’s the same thing for guys…I want someone who is understanding of my flaws as well. If you’re generally a good person, then you sure as hell don’t want someone who’s going to hold them all against you.

The best women I’ve met in my life are the ones I was just myself around. Sounds cliche, but it’s hard until you’re comfortable enough in your own skin.

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just because you’re ‘generally a good person’ doesn’t mean you should automatically get a free pass if you’re not taking care of things in the bedroom.

Here’s the thing about monogamous relationships. I can fulfill many of my emotional/intellectual needs through other people, right? If I want to talk about politics, or religion, or philosophy, or whatever, it’s cool when it can be with my girl, but it doesn’t have to come from there. I have my friends, I have family. If I want to get a drink, or go out to eat, it’s fun when it’s with my girl, but I can do that with other people. I can travel with other people. I can play sports with other people. But you know what I can’t get from someone else? sex. So yea, it’s natural that that would be a pretty damn important thing with your partner. It HAS to be good. And I can absolutely understand a woman leaving a relationship if it’s not.


In relation to the subject of this topic (not getting it up), I feel that a generally good person should be understanding. I don’t think this is what you are talking about (I assume you are talking about a man that doesn’t put effort into pleasing his woman?).

I would be sad if it happened, but in the long run a woman who left me for one (or several) instance of me not being able to perform (despite me pleasing her) would not be worth my time. Just my opinion.

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I think effort to fix things goes a long way too, if I see it as well.

A girl I dated many years ago put little effort into improving our sex life which was crippled by her anti-depressants and really only held up by her drinking.

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Alpha Fucks…Beta Bucks.

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Yeah, that first part would be pretty awful. When my worst parts were going on she was at least understanding about it. Though she got annoyed with pounding until she was sore sometimes when I couldn’t get there. I guess I never really had ED issues, it just took foreeeever.

I do have to say EVERY time I have tried Cialis it made my sensitivity worse. I would be hard as shit but could barely feel a thing… I haven’t taken any in probably 6 months because of it. It correlated so well to every time I took Cialis that I have no doubt that’s what was making my sensitivity/anorgasmia issues worse.

I have high E2 and “above normal” prolactin too but I’m getting to the point where things work fine regardless. I just did bloodwork on Monday so I guess I’ll see where I am now just to compare once those come back.

Cream is usually used twice a day and replaces injections. There are some people who use small amounts of cream (for the DHT boost) on top of injections and love it but that seems to get pretty complicated to me and I think simple is better most of the time. It’s worth asking about though if you’re interested. Just be aware you’ll go through another adjustment period… I decided to switch like 3-4 weeks before I got married thinking I’d be fine by then. Yeah, don’t do that, haha.

He’d probably prescribe it if you want it though. He let me switch to it no problem but I ultimately went back to injections

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Funny you say that, there’s definitely been times I took a couple Cialis, and despite being hard as fuck, it felt like I was walking around with a branch just hanging off of me. Not every time though, and usually it gives me a slight libido boost.

I have a feeling too that this problem is more related to coming out of poor lifestyle choices. I vowed after my last relationship that I’d have everything cleaned up by Feb (no nicotine, no more drinking, back into my fitness routine, cooking at home instead of eating out, sleeping better, and not fucking around with supplements all the time), and I’m pretty on track. I honestly feel better than I have in years, minus this slump in my libido. Was expecting the opposite really.

I think I said it before, but let us know how your bloodwork comes back too, out of curiosity from someone else with slightly high PRL.

Why’d you stop the cream?

Wife’s bloodwork came back with like 3x the upper limit of normal for testosterone so we’re trying to figure out if it’s from mine getting on her or if that’s actually the level she’s naturally at

And I got tired of slathering cream on 2x a day when I could do injections 3x a week and be done with it

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Makes sense.

The 2x a day thing would be annoying, but I’d personally be more concerned about fluctuating levels depending on where the cream lands or how much comes off. Especially with these low-dead space needles it’s pretty cut and dry.

Yeah I always worried about that too. The half life is really short, it’s basically pure Testosterone, no ester, so it gets used as fast as your body can use it from my understanding anyways. I’m sticking with injections for the foreseeable future

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