T Nation

What do you do?

Guys, what do you do when you know that you’re doing the wrong thing, but it feels right? How do you gather up the courage to hurt yourself and someone else because you know that what you’re doing is wrong?

Man I hate posts that are overly specific!!

You are confused

Sigh. I’m seeing a married woman. She’s much, much older than I am (over twice my age). She seduced me two years ago. I love her, and I honestly believe she loves me, but it’s coming to a head for me because I can’t deal with all the complications. I’m like a part of the family, and the deceit and guilt is getting to me. I just love her so much, I don’t want to break things off, and I know she never will. I know the right thing to do, but I can’t live without her friendship, at least. I’m confused.

Hmmm, lah dee dah…what do I say to thee, lost child? THINK about it. What do you want a bunch of faceless people on a forum to say to you? You want us to say, “well, it’s okay. You’re right, she does love you. I mean, for her to put you in this situation? That surely means love and trust and respect. Right? And that guy she’s married to? Yeah, he’s probably a real ass hole - which then means it’s okay for her to be cheating on him with you. It’s even better if he has cheated on her. Two wrongs do indeed, make a right. Yessirree. You are certainly one real lucky guy - to be banging a woman older than you - a MARRIED woman. Your conciense may be screaming out at you right now, telling you that what’s going on is wrong, wrong WRONG. But what why listen to that background noise called “common sense”? Why bother? And why, oh why go bother yourself with the dozens of single women out there NOW? Yup, come onto a forum and be told - it’s okay. You can put ALL your trust into a person who is actively cheating on her marriage with YOU. That’s right. Go on. It makes just SO much sense.”

Dream on, dude. You're being played. Move on. Don't turn back. If she was your friend in the first place, she wouldn't have "seduced" you - even though it takes two to tango.

Do you know what adultry is? Think of it like this, would you want some guy sticking his meat in your wife. HELL NO! You need to cut that crap out and pray for forgiveness.

Find the thread called Why do men cheat & see what everyone says.

There are several coping mechanisms (sp?) well described in modern psychology. I believe that most people use so called rationalization, trying to justify their actions using more or less valid arguments. One of the good examples is taking recreational drugs - generally, it is not exactly good for you but it feels good, so you talk yourself into it, denying most of or all of the consequences and embracing only the pleasure the given action produces. I guess that cost-benefit ratio of your actions towards other people is also very important factor when reaching for “wrong” solutions to do something that in the end feels good.

Personally, I try to avoid such solutions but they are, I guess, an integral part of everybody’s decision making, and ultimately -life.

You are wanting to stay in this ridiculous relationship because you are afraid to get into a real one of your own. Being with a married woman who is twice your age is ludicrous. She is using you while cheating on her husband! That’s already enough to end it. You are half her age! Why are you wanting to stay with this babe? Surely you don’t honestly believe something good is going to come of it?
Run away from her and stay away from her (and any others like her). When you have spent enough time thinking about why you have done this to yourself, try to find someone close to your own age to start a real relationship with–one that is really yours to grow in. This lady is using you as a distraction and a toy–probably to prove to herself that she is still attractive.

I really like to hear what you have to say, every time I read what you post it makes such sense to me I wish I had a friend that put things like you do…you click, I’m fairly open minded I love to hear perspective! thanks

My boyfriend would say different…HA!

Wow.You felt what you wrote that time.It couldn’t have been wrote better.

Thanks for the perspective, everyone. Thanks, Patricia. I wrote her an email and told her it was all too much. She’s unhappy about it, but agreed we could just be platonic. This isn’t completely settled, yet, but it’s on its way. Thanks again for the support.