T Nation

What Combat Sport to Choose?


The sad part is that most people think they’ll have the coordination/timing to hit someone in the groin at the first hints of a physical encounter.

Coke muscles? Hell, why not?


Ha ha, never seen anyone try a groin shot in my bouncing days.

I have, unfortunately, been around plenty of coked-up yahoos. They can be pretty obnoxious, or pretty entertaining. My ear still hurts from my last shift when a young lady we’ll call “Sniffany” gave me a friendly good-bye ear sucking that turned into a bite that would give Mike Tyson a run for his money.

Occupational hazard, I suppose.


Really good posts in here, with some good advice.

Yep, predators have a nose for prey; I do think long term exposure to “sport” combat will take the “smell” of prey off of you; drugged up antagonists are the wild card, and is a FUBAR situation for sure.

I think the best part of combat sports is that when one gets punched in the face (cue Mike Tyson quote…), one’s brain doesn’t go WTF!!! and freeze your body parts into immobility. The pain and possible damage is the same, but the brain will react differently imo.

Also, I don’t know it it’s true in all cases, but most cops will turn the other cheek if you strike someone, especially in self defense, (body shots, solar plexus especially) but no blood is drawn. Plus, yes, punches to the face lead to broken bones in the hand.

edit to add: Hah! just saw TJS’s post above -Mike Tyson is the man lollll; Tyson broke his hand punching Mitch Green(?) in the face during a street altercation back in the day -too used to punching with heavily wrapped hands.


One hell of a side hustle. I’d ask her where I could get some of what she’s on.


Oh that information is well-known to me. I’m the bouncer, I know these sort of things. People tell me ALL kinds of stuff I have no business knowing.

It’s been a good 15 years since my last party with the nose candy. Alcohol is my only vice these days, and even that’s not as much fun as it used to be.


Along with this, cauliflower ears, a broken nose and eyebrows that can’t grow in at the edges all tend to tell the same story, haha.


When I see cauliflower ears, I avoid all eye contact…


Since we’re on the topic of social violence, peacocking, shit-talking and the fights that follow, I’ll go ahead and share the good outcome I had tonight with grappling. It’s a good example of a typical escalation pattern in social situations. A pair of male customers were getting unruly with other male patrons, violating females’ personal spaces and being extremely obnoxious overall.

Let’s call them Captain Dumbass and his wingman. I politely cut them off and politely informed them that they would need to leave immediately. The wingman was compliant, but Cpt. Dumbass still had half a drink and insisted that he wasn’t leaving until he finished his drink.

The Captain started up with threats and “don’t fuck with me” talk, and I informed him that we can do it the easy way or the hard way, but that he needed to let go of his drink and leave the bar, being polite the entire time. When I reached for his drink he held on to it and turned around to put it out of my reach.

His drink retention technique involved turning his back to me, so I gladly took it. Thanks! I put him in a rear naked choke, but didn’t put him out. No need to render customers unconscious, but a little bit of pressure opens up options and gives a good degree of control. I gently put him on his butt, stayed on my feet and had a little talk about what can happen next. He got up and gave more tough guy talk, but at that point a bunch of other patrons swarmed both of us as I continued to move him out the door.

Lots of sound and fury followed, but no danger to me or anyone else. He still didn’t want to leave, but the cops showed up (called by the neighbors due to street ruckus) and asked me if I wanted to have him charged with criminal trespass. He was an Army combat medic veteran and he never actually swung on me, so I declined. They almost charged him anyway when he kept yelling at me from across the parking lot, but one of the cops was familiar with him, so he got another warning. He’s lucky he caught a break from just about everyone involved in the whole situation.

He eventually got in his Uber and presumably went home. He’s also very lucky the bouncer who just got let go last week wasn’t still employed. He had some boxing training and was very quick to throw hands, along with being about 350 and 6’2". He’s a big dumb goon, eager to escalate violence, all of the worst bouncer stereotypes rolled into one.

Knocking the crap out of people on a regular basis is generally bad whether you’re a bouncer or a regular guy, and that (along with being a dick) is why nobody liked that bouncer and many customers complained. So I find myself working the door at my friend’s bar once again until they can find a regular Wednesday night fill-in, which is the busiest, wildest and craziest night in my town at this little gem of a dive bar. Who knows, I might keep the gig for a while.

I can’t lie, it is kinda fun doing jiu jitsu on people in public. My instructor was actually 3 feet away from it all and low-key shadowed me during the whole thing, which was very reassuring! A former pro fighter with Bellator was also in the room, cool as a cucumber the whole time (as he’s always been when things get chippy). Fortunately for me, being (at best) the third baddest dude in the room was enough to get the job done.

I hope I made my instructor proud! The next time we train I’m sure we’ll break the situation down and look at options.

Grappling + Drunk Uncle treatment = good outcomes. Often times, nobody needs to get hurt, even if they’re fishing for a fight. Hard sparring also comes into play. This encounter was a much easier puzzle box to solve than rolling with a trained player who matches up with me well or outclasses me. I can stay calm, analyze what’s happening and make good decisions.

So yeah, make sure you at least try judo @skinnydeadliftgod!