I need help, I think. I think I really screwed a good thing up and I don’t know what to do to fix it. If anyone has any ideas please let me know. I’ve been going out with a girl for almost two months(we’re 19). I’m on a co-op work term for four months now, she is back at school(we live 6 hours away). Despite only going out for about four weeks, we both enthusiastically wanted to keep it going. And it was as good as a long distance thing could be for three weeks. I talked to her every night and thought about her all the time. All I would look forward to at work was talking to her on the phone and going to the gym. A week ago we started talking about endocrinology('cause I find it fascinating) and it came up that she was on the pill. Then she asked me how many girls I had slept with(just one, it was a big mistake), because she was curious. I would never ever lie to her so I told her the truth. We never really talked about sex and I would NEVER have assumed she wanted to, she’s still a virgin. I went to visit her this past weekend. I asked her Friday night if she actually wanted to, and she told me she wasn’t ready. Of course I’m ok with that. On sunday morning, after an awesome weekend of being with her the whole time, we almost had sex. We were both in position and I was right there, and it was really obvious that it was going to happen. She didn’t stop me until I had just barely entered. The whole drive home I couldn’t stop thinking about it, I had done something that I knew she didnt want to earlier, and don’t know why I thought she might have changed her mind. I had a horrible day and when I got home I told her about all the things that went through my head, about all the things I’ve regretted in the past(like having sex with a girl that really didn’t matter to me, after that incident I convinced myself that sex wasn’t such a big deal). I was really upset.
Today she tells me(by an instant message) that she couldnt even get up to go to class because she has doubts about us. I called her right away, and I told her how she meant so much to me and how I didn’t want something so good to end because I was stupid. She’s really been hurt before by guys, and she’s confused and doesnt know why I would try that. She finds it really difficult to just take my word(and there’s not much else I can do because I’m 6 hours away now), it gave her the idea that I didn’t care for her… I don’t know why I did it. I was afraid I would disappoint her because it was so obvious that we were about to…I screwed up. I just want her to be happy, so I’d accept whatever she wanted. But there is no way I want this to end because I screwed up. What can I do? She’s at class now and won’t be back for a few hours. I’ll talk to her then. She told me she didn’t want to break up, she just doesn’t know. I don’t know what that means. Is there anything I can do to salvage what I have with her, it’s to much of a good thing just to let it die because I was stupid. Sorry for ranting so much, just you all have helped my training so much, I’m hoping maybe some of you can help me here. Should I stop caring so much and just get back to the only constant thing in my life, namely, weights? I think she’s to important to me for me to do that. (this might sound dumb because it has only been two months)Thanks guys. - Trav