T Nation

What Business is it of Yours Where I'm From, Friendo?


My grandpa left my grandma with three kids. Once my dad and his sister moved our, she began working at a bank in her 40s. Quickly became branch manager and regional manager. She retired after 23 years, with millions in retirement. During those 23 years traveled to every continent and lived more life than most people. Time is an odd thing.


The way of the peaceful warrior.

What time is it?


Where are we?



What are you?

This moment.


Nothing like baseless accusations when you’re already feeling bad. Just ignore the bullshit and keep moving forward like the soldier you are.


Don’t have words Jenn.
Hope things get better soon.


Thanks friends. Ya’ll amazing peeps.

135lbs x 5
185lbs x 2
205lbs x 2
215lbs x 2
225lbs x 2
205lbs x 3 sets of 2
1hr non stop back shit
225 felt like coulda maybe been 230, but deadlift day always stirs up my OCD for whatever reason. I feel like I dont know how to do it like I used to or that I dont set my hips in the exact same place for every rep idk. Just annoying shit . It used to be my strongest lift and now it’s pretty weak so maybe that has something to do with it. I dont wake up horribly sore so it cant be that bad.


K yesterday

Front squats
95lbs x 6
115lbs x 6
125lbs x 6
100lbs x 2 sets of 6

Bench press
100lbs x 9
105lbs x 9
Tempo bench press
100lbs x 2 sets of 6

Barbell split squats
65lbs x 10
70lbs x 2 sets of 10

Incline db press w pause at bottom
35lbs x 3 sets of 6

Reverse grip d handle tri ext
3 x 12

Back ext
BW x 25 or something

Step mill x 20 minutes

K good .

On Sunday I my appetite was so intense it made me feel like I couldn’t handle my existence so I had an unplanned cheat meal.
3 burgers , sweet potatoe fries and half my kids birthday cake later and I didnt even feel full…

Fuck off stupid appetite.

I went to the doc to get blood work done yesterday and I hated the way the doc talked to me . I told him my intense PMS and how it ruins me completely and all he could focus on was seeing a shrink and going on meds. Like gah, I know I have depression and anxiety. I wrote 17 chapters about it. I’m very mindful of my feelings and my ailments, but I live in fear of my period and that is not normal. I don’t want to be on SSRIs. I want to know why my hormones are so messed up!!
Who knows when the results will be in but I didnt like the visit .


If it’s any help I’ve been on SSRIs since February 2017. One of the best decisions I ever made was taking the doc’s advice and taking them. Life is much more liveable.


Also, as a follow up I was pretty scared starting to take the SSRIs. After a couple of days I realised I’d be fine.

It’s absolutely none of my business and definitely get your hormones sorted but SSRIs may help a ton. I didn’t get anxious or feeling helpless as much as I got angry, and when it hit it could be bordlerine uncontrollable and came out of nowhere. Simply not lashing out physically or verbally could take so much effort I would be hit by a wave of grief and exhaustion. A lot of the time I wouldn’t be able to control the verbal aggression and that really hurt my wife.

A couple of weeks into taking the SSRIs and things really started changing for the better.

At no point was my training or performance negatively impacted in any way.


I wonder if birth control is an option? I’m not sure if you’ve had bad experiences with particulal bc or not.


I know SSRIs have helped a lot of people, in fact a lot of my friends from my old job swear by them.

I am apprehensive about them for multiple reasons 1.) being they completely messed me up when I was a teenager and had horrible experiences with multiple kinds at multiple doses and 2.) (more importantly) I have had a great year this year so far mental health wise. This has legit probably been the first time in my WHOLE LIFE that I felt true, pure happiness that wasn’t mania.
I’ve been controlling my anxiety and depression very well, and since separating from my ex I have a whole new sense of freedom and being able to appreciate the happiness that came instantly as soon as he left.

Everything was going fine until my period stopped coming like normal, and everything goes fine once it’s come and gone, it’s when it’s late that I feel most messed up and most unstable.

I didn’t go to the doc because my OCD and anxiety were out of control, i went to him because my cycles are very messed up and i get cramps and PMS symptoms for weeks on end , and my emotions around that time make me feel like i am possessed by a demon.

but don’t get me wrong, I am so, so glad they have helped you and i am glad that they have helped my other friends too :slight_smile:


K perfect today

paused squats

95lbs x 5
135lbs x 5
145lbs x 5
155lbs x 5
165lbs x 5
double paused squats
145lbs x 5
140lbs x 5

military press
65lbs x 9
70lbs x 9
back off sets
60lbs x 2 sets of 9

bent over row
85lbs x 3 x 12

t bar row
bar +
25lbs x 15
50lbs x 2 x 15

landmine press
15lbs x 8
20lbs x 2 x 8

facepulls ss db rear delt fly
x 10/ x 10
x 10/ x 10
x 10/ x 10
zero rest

hammer curl drip set
20lbs x 8
15lbs x 8
10lbs x 8
7.5lbs x 10

db lateral raises
7.5lbs x 20
10lbs x 12
5lbs x 20

stepmill itnervals x 20 min



Ever looked into food related issues regarding your emotional and girl issues? Just food for thought really


That’s interesting like you mean my calories or carbs are too low or you suggestion maybe missing some nutrient that I’m not aware of?
I literally eat the same food every day month after month


Also : could be un related but lately my tongue has been feeling burnt without it being burnt? Like it hurts to eat and things taste weird because my tongue feels burnt all day . Has anyone heard of this ?


Howdy Spock, I’ve read through your log and want to say hi. So, hello! I fully appreciate the candor, writing style, and sense of commitment you demonstrate here. Your log is one of a handful that I regularly follow.

I’m introducing myself and replying because I wanted to tell you a tongue that feels burnt often means B-vitamin deficiency. Your question was quite timely, given @losthog’s mention of nutrient deficiency. The most effective B-vitamin supplements I’ve found are sublingual drops and are likely available at pharmacy-type stores like Walgreens or CVS or at nutrition stores.


Oh wow that’s super helpful thank you !!

When I was younger I was on anti biotics for acne for years. I wonder if that affected my b12 absorption. My mom said it could have ?


You’re welcome!

I don’t know how antibiotics affect B12 absorption, but I do know some people have to take methylated B vitamins to be able to absorb them, otherwise the vitamins float around in their blood streams, making it look like they have plenty, but none of the nutrients are actually absorbed into the cells.

I couldn’t find the exact brand I’ve used before, but a Google search for methylated B vitamins turns up a host of options: 0ahUKEwjZp7eHkrjdAhVn0oMKHcWJCu0Q_AUICigB&biw=320&bih=454


Oops, just noticed I posted an incomplete link. This should work:


Perfect thanks!

They tested my b 12 on my blood work it will be interesting to see what it says