What Business is it of Yours Where I'm From, Friendo?

Training Logs
1266

thx friendo’s

K today was a shite AF workout so I will post it for complaining purposes

squats SS banded glute shit

95lbs x 10, 115lbs x 10 (warm up)
135lbs x 10
155lbs x 10
that was all good but then it went to hell
165lbs x 4
170lbs x 5
170lbs x 3
Doesn’t seem that crazy in log form but my mind sees COMPLETE AND UTTER CHAOS .
Just random reps it wasn’t like 2 sets of 4 or something organized
I wanted 165 x 6 and 170 x 6 or 170 x 2 x 5 or something that made sense and was progression , but honestly I felt really REALLY weak today .
PIN squats
175lbs x 5
185lbs x 4

cable ass kick back SS step ups SS banded RDL
x 15 * ass/ x 10 * leg / x 12 * ass
x 12 * ass/ x 10 * leg/ x 15 * ass
x 15 + 10 partials * ass/ x 10 * leg/ x 12 * ass

cable pull through
25lbs
x 3 sets of 15 rest/pause style

stepmill intervals x 20 minutes

back ext.
BW x 30 w//squeeze

leg spreader
55lbs
x 100 + 50 partials

K done and angry .

I think it’s just stress TBH. I got like 10 hrs of sleep last night and woke up feeling great, but just waiting on this job is non-stop emotional suffering . They said they would let me know either way by the end of this week so not many more hours to go … Just extreme daily anticipation OMG my whole life could change or not at all and by the end of the day I haven’t heard a peep .
Hopefully Sunday’s squats will be better focused etc…
k
BYE

1267

Uhg ok update
I’m still being considered but there’s a delay and it will be another few weeks :weary: I guess I’ll just breathe normally in March and forget about February :thinking:

3 Likes
1268

K I have decided to change my program a little bit because it’s time . I am going to start high(er) frequency squatting . Instead of squatting 3x a week I am going to squat 5x a week and sometimes do upper body after squats instead of leg accessory . I am doing this because A) I am a squat addict and B) I want to
I think it will be something like
High rep Squats / shoulders
Paused squats /legs/ cardio
Front squats/shoulders
Low rep squats / legs/ cardio
back /bi
Pin squats/legs/cardio
Rest *
*or something
Except that doesn’t seem shoulder excessive enough so IDK it’s still kinky
KINKY
So today I did

Squats
115lbs x 10
135lbs x 10
140lbs x 10
145lbs x 10
150lbs x 10
Felt pretty good , maybe like 4 reps of hip shift and/or me just being obsessive
NOW SHoulders

seated plate raise w/pause SS standing DB lateral raise SS pinkies up DB lateral raise SS standing plate raise w/pause SS seated DB lateral raise

2.5lbs/7.5lbs/7.5lbs/2.5lbs/7.5lbs
x 15/ x 15/ x 15/ x 15/ x 10
x 15/ x 10/ x 10/ x 15/ x 10
x 15/ x 10/ x 10/ x 15/ x 10

landmine press
bar+
10lbs
x 3 sets of 10 * arm without setting it down
15lbs
x 2 sets of 8 *arm without setting it down
17.5lbs
x 10 * arm

seated DB press
20lbs x 15
25lbs x 15
30lbs x 10
15lbs x 10 or something Arnold press I forget

incline DB press drop sets lowered the weight and the incline each set
30lbs x 8 w/pause
25lbs x 8 w/pause
20lbs x 12

cable rear delt fly
5lbs
x 20 * arm
x 20 * arm
x 20 * arm
(diff pin heights, like higher, middle, highest )

oh cable bent over tri ext.
5lbs
x 3 x 8 * arm

EZ bar cable tri
30lbs
x 2 sets of 10
20lbs
x 15

military press
65lbs
x 3 sets of 5

hammer curlz
20lbs
x 3 sets of 10 * arm

one arm DB bench
20lbs
x 2 sets of 12 * pec LOL
norest

ohh ropey bi curl
20lbs
x 2 sets of 12
15lbs
x 12

ab shit
DONE
Ya k good.
I was really insane yesterday so today’s workout helped get it out of my system at least . I feel Normal(ish) today.
Like not human normal , just jenn normal.
But yesterday I literally thought about a cheat meal all day. I desperately wanted a REAL cheat meal. Usually my cheat meal is just basically more of my normal food and cereal for desert. Organic cereal to boot.
I wanted like pizza or burgers or some shit so I googled “am I allowed to binge eat” LOL because I wanted the internet to tell me it was ok.
I found this really awesome article about binge eating basically stating that the reason you want it or do it because your emotional needs elsewhere aren’t being met. I am honestly astounded I wasn’t aware of this because I think about mental health A LOT, and I really just thought I was hungry. So to reflect on the day, I was waiting to hear about a life changing job and was told I had to wait longer. I had a workout that didn’t satisfy me . TWO big deal things were a disappointment and my overwhelming urge to binge took over most of my day.
AT least now I know! It feels needed most not because of physical exertion, but because of dissatisfaction with the day, the week, the situation the future etc…
Anyway
uh
ya
Squats tom HA
BYE

1 Like
1269

K some good workouts

Sunday paused squats worked up to 165 for a couple sets of 5 and some quad / ass / cardio (strength is misleading on this day because saturday i had a cheat meal)
Monday front squats worked up to 135 x 3 and back off sets 115 x 3x3 plus 1hr shoulders / bi/ tri
Today lower rep squats did 170lbs x 4 x 4 plus ass circuit/ machines etc/ cardio
Recovery actually feels pretty good for squatting this many days in a row , but tomorrow will just be a back / bi day .
Also my cheat meal on Saturday was actually unhealthy! I had pizza for the first time in 8yrs and I didn’t have anxiety eating it nor was I out of control . Weight today was 132 so I’m almost already right back where I was .
You hear that, crazy self ?!?! I didn’t wake up obese !! Nahh!!
BYE

3 Likes
1270

K all good this week

Awesome back workout on Wednesday def improved mind muscle connection. Been working out this horrible knot I’ve had for a couple months . Getting there …
Thursday squats 135 x 8, 145 x 8, 155 x 8. 1hr of shoulders seated DB press 32.5 x 8 and military press 70 x 2 x 6 which sounds low , but I was able to do every rep without my back arching so it’s a non arch pr :sweat_smile:
Today did pin squats 135 x 2 sets of 3, 155 x3 , 175 x 3, 185 x 3, 190 x 3, 195 x 3. Back off sets 165 x 4 sets of 3. Leg circuit shit , machines, cardio .
Front squats and shoulders tomorrow
Gotta go watching planet earth. Everyone should watch this it’s on Netflix. I’m learning so much . From pole to pole , jungle , mountains, deep ocean , deserts !! It’s got it alllll
BYE

2 Likes
1271

K today
Front squats
95 x 4
115 x 4
125 x 4
130 x 4
110 x 2 x 4

Land mine press
Bar +
10lbs x 10 per arm
20lbs x 2 x 10 per arm
10lbs x 12 partials per arm

Lateral raises giant super set as per my norm

Seated DB press SS Arnold press
27.5/12.5 lbs
X12 / x 10
X12/ x10
X12/×10

Cable rear delt fly
X 2 x 20
X 25

Cable tri shit

Incline DB drop set
30 x 8
25 x 8
20 x 15

Military press
65lbs x 2 x 8

Hammer curl
20lbs x 3 x 10

Hammer curls are the only curls that don’t hurt my elbow so looks like I’ll only form one brachial head or some shit lmao

I think i need to cut back on cheat meals for only special times . Minor carb ups like extra rice when I feel it’s needed but I feel outta control
Maddmann
A damn maddmann
…
I ate pizza again and I feel like a puffer fish
Squat dubs tomorrow
BYE

1 Like
1272

Khi

Squats
135 x 4
145 x 4
155 x 2
165 x 2
170 x 2
175 x 2 x 2
145 x 2 x 8 (it was 3 x 8 but one was werid so it had to go :sweat_smile:)

Cable ass backs SS bench side step ups SS bamded rdl
X 10 1&1/2/×10/×10
× 10/×10/×10
×10 +10partials /×10×10

Rope cable pull through
25lbs
X 3 x 15 rest pause

Leg spreader
55lbs x100 +50 partials

Stepmill intervals x 20 minutes
Back ext
Bw x 35

K all good except that one set so it made it all bad in my head lol. It was just because I was trying to experiment with hand placement due to my traps being uneven
Oh well
No more of that mayhem !!!
Wt 131.8 which surprises me because of pizza I expected the water retention to linger. My kid said the other day mommy I bet your muscles aren’t as defined as you want them to be because you have thick skin
. Which he may have a point . I’m not as lean as id like , no, but I do seem to retain water often and easily .
K
BYE

1 Like
1273

K blah
…
I mean hi.
Yesterday back workout shittyness as per my norm. I have come to the conclusion that back day upsets me because it’s too easy and I cant go heavy on anything because of my messy crooked
it really wasn’t that bad, it was like 1.5hrs non stop super sets
k ya
today
Well last night :
I got a message from one of the lady’s who interviewed me and she wants to meet in person (we did Ipad interview) for a second interview I guess . So that was thrilling news, but made my brain go haywire right before I was about to fall asleep. Not only that, but at the same time some guy who I was with for like a nano second 10yrs ago messaged me and basically wants to date. Go out on a date, and hopefully lots more etcetc.
My life has been dormant pure nothingness for an entire year and all of a sudden there’s huge career potential and a boyfriend in the span of 20 minutes . I couldn’t handle it, anyway. I literally got maybe about 40 minutes of sleep last night . I think mainly because I don’t want a boyfriend for the first time in 17yrs I truly want to be alone. Trying to explain that to or my lifestyle/anxiety issues to someone who wasn’t getting it was difficult . It’s like, no I don’t want you to cook me anything, I only want to follow my diet. I do not want to go out or stay up late I want to lift early in the morning. I want to spend time with my son and recovery stuffs on weekends . I want no distractions and I want to put all my focus into sign language and squatting. I want to be selfish. He kept telling me I didn’t have to change or whatever but clearly he still wanted me to eat out and go out and hang out w/e/W/Ew/E that’s really never happened to me before a boy like trying hard, LMAO .
ANyway, challenging workout on zero sleep today:

paused squats
135lbs x 4
145lbs x 4
155lbs x 4
165lbs x 4
170lbs x 4
175lbs x 4
150lbs x 2 sets of 4
135lbs x 8 * double pause
I over did it because my brain stayed hOME

landmind press
bar +
5lbs x 3 x 15 non stop
15lbs x 2 x 10 non stop

million lateral raises super setted for high reps pumppy

seated db press
27.5lbs x 12
30lbs x 12
35lbs x 5
15lbs x 10 or 12 I dunno * Arnold press

incline Db w/pause SS 10&2 raises
25lbs.7.5lbs
x 8. x 10
x 8. x 10
x 8. x 10
norest

cable rear delt fly
2 x 20
1 x 25

reverse grip D handle tri ext.
10lbs
x 2 x 8
5lbs
x 15

military press
65lbs x 2 x 8

underhand grip cable front raise
10lbs
x 12, 10, 8 rest pause set

DB tri kickback
5lbs
x 2 x 15

and done/cry

MY THINKINGS:
The peak of unbearability (my own word/expression)
When OCD is climbing a slow climb fueled with stress straight to the top to the point where it cannot withstand it’s own weight .
Oh this is going to be in my book so no stealing LOL
It crumbles and dissipates somewhat but when it is at the very TOP or when you think it’s the top it goes even a little higher and you feel like you’re descending into madness because OCD is treating you like such HORSEshit you just want to SCREAMmmm!
I worked out for 2 hours today with NO sleep after not having a rest day for almost an entire month, and I was still furious with myself because for ONE rep of squats the bar went lower on the right side. Which it often does BUT non- OCD peaking me doesn’t even think about it.
My biggest fears are that I will be too OCD to ever enjoy and get the full benefit out of training
I will be too OCD to follow a rational approach to lifting
I will be too OCD during some particular workout that I wont be able to stop myself from getting injured because I’ll be in an alternate reality clouded by brain chemicals
I don’t even know what I am talking about anymore or where I am going. Just brain garbage needed to empty I guess
uhh
k
BYE

4 Likes
1274

This.

As of last night I am single again.

And, this.

2 Likes
1275

I honestly feel like this is such a healthy place to be.

5 Likes
1276

OK CALM(ER) meow

I slept, yay
I also listened to my body today, yay
Warm ups felt good today on squats, but it was misleading because the second I added weight it felt heavy. So instead of getting angry I stayed at a light weight and did volume . No wonky reps and still a lot of work (WINN)

Squats
135lbs x 5
155lbs x 5 sets of 5
Front squats
95lbs x 2 x 8

cable ass back SS banded RDL
10lbs
x 12 * ass/ x 12
x 12 * ass / x 12
x 12 + 1 drop 5lbs x 12 partials * ass/ x 12

leg ext.
50lbs
x 8 * leg
x 2 sets of 6 * leg
1 drop
20lbs x 8 cause I was burnt out and lazy and not ready to suffer

goblet squat SS plié squats SS side step up on bench kick ass out
30lbs/ 30lbs
x 10/ x 10 x 10 * leg
x 10/ x 10/ x 10 * leg
x 10/ x 10/ x 10 * leg
norest

TEHN I AHD TO WAIT 20 F#*%**ING minutes for a stair master, MY ENTIRE CARDIO DURATION I had to wait HOMYGOd . I was mad…
Plus this one bitch was literally on there for an entire hour like HELlo ppl waiting
NE WAY
Step mill intervals x 20 minutes

back ext
BW x 35

WT: 131.2
K DONE
K I thought of a reasonable rational routine (the three R’s) I will implement regardless of how the job turns out
SAT: heavy squat/pause squat/legs/cardio
SUN: Back/bi/cardio and will try to add light deadlifts here to feel happy just as long as the hook grip doesn’t aggravate my carpal tunnel NOT ALLOWED TO GO HEAVY
I don’t know the order of the rest but it will be like high rep squats and light shoulders/rest/volume squats/front squats/legs/cardio/rest/heavy shoulders/chest so like heavy landmine press military DB etc maybe some incline bench
ya
that’s good
All days have hard work stuffs involved without doing every single thing every single day or whatever .
Also started doing thumbless grip for my squats and I think I prefer it. It doesn’t aggravate my wrist at all uh
k
BYE

2 Likes
1277

K first day of my new routine and it went really well.
Heavy shoulder day and lucked out actually feeling really strong this morning!

one arm landmine press
bar +
10lbs x 10
20lbs x 10
25lbs x 10 YAY
30lbs x 5

seated DB press
25lbs x 8
30lbs x 8
32.5lbs x 8

military press
65lbs x 5
70lbs x 3
75lbs x 3
75lbs x 5

incline DB press
30lbs x 10 w/pause at bottom
35lbs x 2 sets of 8

incline bench press
65lbs x 10
75lbs x 8
this exercise is apparently supposed to be super effective for things of deltish and pecish nature, but it has always felt so awkward to me. I’ll keep at it for now though. I just don’t want to do flat bench because I don’t want anything where I might get into back archy ways etc.

pinkies up DB lateral raise
10lbs x 12
15lbs x 12
20lbs x 10

rear delt cable fly
2 x 20

reverse grip D handle tri ext
2 x 12

EZ bar cable tri ext
drop sets
35lbs x 8
25lbs x 10
20lbs x 12

hammer curl
17.5lbs x 10
22.5lbs x 2 sets of 8

DB flat bench
22.5lbs
x 2 x 12

stepmill intervals x 20 minutes
DONE

t-minus two hours until my second “interview” she didn’t even call it a second interview she just said she wanted to meet in person. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? Does anyone know what that is an indication of? Will there be more questions? They already asked so many in the first interview
WHY
WHATS HAPPENING
WAH
scared
.
OH YA so last night I decided to watch the new Eminem video (river) and I shit you not it gave me a panic attack because I saw him kissing another woman LOL .Like my heart MY HEART I could not deal and my kid was consoling me for like 20 minutes “mommy, if it makes you feel any better, he probably doesn’t even really like her”
I feel like I will never love another man as much as I love him so he really shouldn’t be kissing other women …
I can never watch that video again
or listen to that song
and I like that song
MARSHALL
WHY
Y THO
k
BYE

1278

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…
BYE

1 Like
1279

Anyway… disheartening news . The job requires travel to and training in Calgary. To be honest , it’s not even just about childcare . I’ve been too OCD to travel since I was 13. We went to San Diego and near the end I was breaking down and I just stayed in the hotel room doing push ups and sit ups and hating all the unhealthy food . If they took away all my routine and millions of things I do daily to function they’d have to sedate me because I’d become a crying lunatic .
Oh well I guess
It’s weird they didn’t mention this three weeks ago. They knew I was a single mom and I directly asked about training .
So ya rest day today, first one in a month. Just a walk and some stretches. Dr hoing now .
BYE

1280

Sorry to hear that spock! Hope you’re okay.

1 Like
1281

Alrighty then:

1: How badly to you desire the job - A LOT i assume. See log january 22…
2: How long time is the training?
3: Can you get someone to take care of the boy while training? Can you take him with you. Bet he would love it.
4: If you get it, think about life after the training camp!
5: You miss all the shots you don’t take
6: go get them girl, take the opportunity, the job is made for YOU!

The whole of TN is behind you, I think.

4 Likes
1282

Ya see i don’t think people without OCD fully understand the levels of discomfort one faces . It’s not just like ok I’m bothered it’s like ok i think I’m going to die I can’t breath or stop crying or think straight. Pretty hard to train for a job under those conditions. And no my son couldn’t take care of himself alone all day if he came
I appreciate the encouragement, but I think in this instance I’d prefer understanding

3 Likes
1283

Thanks . I’m pretty bummed I won’t lie but I appreciate the post

1 Like
1284

Hi Jenn
Didn’t mean to offend you, I have met OCD people through my job.
They come in all sorts of state…
I do understand you. And as you stated they should have told you that you were supposed to travel to get trained. In that case, it would have been easier to let it go.
Hope you’ll get back on your feets again soon.

1 Like
1285

Thanks :blush::sparkling_heart:

1 Like