Glad you found it and thanks for reading 
K, did some squats Nā ass Nā quad shit yesterday
Today was the most perfectest shoulder workout ever 
It takes a lot of focus, but I am started to be able to stop my arm from doing that G damn clicky grindy thing all the time.
I HAVE THA POWA
I now believe I will be able to stop my hip shifty shift shit during squats too, if I donāt get too worked up about not going heavy that isā¦
Time will tell
We will see.
HIp
HIPS!!
STOP SHIFTING
Stopitttttttttt
k
BYE
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Oh, I could do like my weekly highlights or some shit ā¦
thurs: Barbell hip thrusted 245lbs x 3 with a ten count pause at top for each rep cause thatās how WE DO. + 2hrs ham/ass shit
fri: 2 hrs of back/ bi .
sat (today): Awesome shoulder day again. Did one arm landmine press for bar+25lbs x 6, which is very exciting because when I first started doing these a few months ago the bar felt heavy, loL. + 5 million other shoulder things
Tomorrow will be paused squats, front squats and ass/quad shit
weighted in at 135lbs!!! EVEN. 8lbs down so far.
Something I noted: Removing my thumb slightly from my grip with regards to various back exercises increases my mind muscle connection.
k
WOO
k
BYE
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K really fantastic week of lifting for me.
REally, really good quality workouts, and aborted panic attacks almost every single day.
Except for todayās, but todayās seemed to just be like oh my god I am not having enough panic attacks I need to latch on to anything even if itās really stupid just because I am going through panic attack withdrawl, LOL. oh well, w/e . Todayās workout was probably most brutal of all ass/ham/cardio for 2+hrs
weighed in today at 134.6!!
OH .MY GOD
I am under 135, that number seems so not terrifying to me, yay!
ALSO, had a semi small cheat meal Friday night and actually woke up feeling leaner ! Thatās the magic shit I have been waiting for!
Cutting weight can officially be fun now that cheat meals make me just look vascular and not fat/bloaty
Anyway, thatās all to report . Rest day tomorrow and then back atter with squats Tuesday.
BYE
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Hello
This week has been medium. Best workouts of my life followed by lopsided things so amazing mixing with shitty balances out to medium .
Barbell hip thirsted 250lbs x 4 w/ten count pause and one arm landmine press 25lbs x 7 * arm
Weight on Thursday 134.4 but prob higher today because of dinner out last night. WHY U GOTTA BE SO SALTY?!
Had a very lopsided bent over row-ing anxiety fest yesterday, but then had the best chiro adjustment of my LIFE and I swear my messed up hip is making my whole left half messed up, but w/e. He fixed me a bit so it should probably last like 48hs till I mess it up again 
I canāt seem to post normally hold on
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ok nevermind it wont work
BEY
BYE
K here I think I can do this from my phone .
Took this pic to prove to myself that if the only workouts that were accomplishing something were the flawless ones I would not be this far along as I make up imperfect shit to dwell on 5 out of every 6 workouts 
. But no more stupid bent over row for me !! Call me out if I do it and bitch about it being crooked
Squats tomorrow
Bye
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k had a great week so far at the gym
Sunday high rep squats and a few heavier triples. āheavierā in that it was only around 165 but I knew if I added a single pound my hips would have shifted and I would have gotten very upset. I squatted without pain which is all I care about at this point.
Side note: The amount I am lifting has officially become irrelevant to me now, itās all about how it feels. Iād rather a set of 10 at 150lbs that connected evenly and properly than a set of 170lbs that shifted. Same goes with everything else too.
Monday: awesome back day on my typical rest day, but had to switch things around this week. Plus back day is addictiveā¦
Tuesday : awesome hip thrusting, kept it lighter like 185 for sets of 10 and 225-235 for the long paused singles because if I stay lower I can feel my left side actually doing something instead of just being a numb, useless blob.
Wed: Oh, today! Really good shoulder day A million things super setted with a million other things as per shoulder day norm. Landmine presses to start, I really feel this exercise is perfect for me since I canāt do military press properly and I can actually go heavier on the landmine and do my arms separately.
Tomorrow: rest day because HEY! I am starting a new job and I have orientation which will basically make my busy from 7am-6pm with the commute.
Itās only temp, but itās really good pay and my last day of work is Gabeās last day before xmas holidayās so canāt really knock that, plus my friend who helped me get the job said they often hire back after holidayās, we shall see. I cant make long posts hold on to be contā¦
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Ok cont.
ANyway, I am requesting a ātemporary leave of absenceā from myself over the next 5 or so weeks so that I can have more balance with a busy work schedule and holidays and gym and mothering etcā¦ I am hoping to allow myself two rest days a week (LOL) like thatās the biggest deal in the world, but it is scary for me. Not only that, but just more flexibility like if I am dog tired not doing planned cardio or if something is in use just moving on and not feeling like certain things must be done in a certain order just general OCD stuff that I donāt have time for.
Started a new mantra if I get upset during workouts ābreath and believeā I say. Basically realized that all I have to do is stop believing I will never get there, then these crooked things, rest days, cheat meals, etcā¦ wont upset me so much. So there you go.
Weighed in at 134.2 on Tuesday so thatās down from before the salt fest cheat day and it didnāt take very long either. I want to be 130lbs by 2018 so I feel that is a really reasonable amount of time that gives me a goal weight and a goal date without really any pressure.
k
BYE
and BYE from the other post too
BYE
BYE
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Hi all. Been a horrific week of lifting and mental health for me. My furnace broke over night early in the week and when I woke up in the bitter cold my hip was so stiff I could barely walk.
Then it was all, āoh my godā, worst possible scenario in my head. Like Iāll need a hip replacement in 5 years because this damn thing is so messed up and It drives me insane. Then came sleep deprivation and nightmare-iffic PMS and uncontrollable crying. Crying mixed with working out wondering wtf is the point I hate my crooked and my pain and my inactive muscle shit. BUT that prompted me to make the best decision Iāve made probably all year. I got a physio assessment done ,and got some amazing, intelligent, HIGH quality advice.
So here are my major issues and maybe some people are struggling with the same sort of thing and want some light shed:
One my left side (hip pain side) my glute doesnāt fire properly. My hamstring wants to go first (explaining why its been painful to do ham curls for 6 months) then my lower back (causing that hip/glute med pain) then my glute might considering doing something after all those muscles are used first. My right glute fires amazingly well, but the ham/lower back are stronger on the left which causes hip shift/more pain on the left and a lot of imbalances.
REASONS WHY: Iāve explained that I had drastic abdominal separation when I was pregnant and it never healed even a tiny bit since then, resulting in excessively weak abdominals that arenāt even safe to strengthen using conventional ab exercises. WHICH makes me have that instagram slut lower back curve (I cant spell the real term, lol), the sticky out ass shit. Which lead to some pinched nerves in my lower back that stopped me from being able to fire certain muscles on my left side.
SO WHat heās done and what heās going to do is some dry needling around certain points in my spine so that I can neurologically connect with those muscles again. Next time I go in he is going to do some stuff on my upper body with my weird trap muscle clump and my stuff not firing around that area properly either.
I canāt begin to tell you how relieved I feel to have some answers. I had one treatment and today was the first day I felt my left glute during squats in so long. It was like a whole new movement. And thatās just ONE treatment. Imagine how much progress I can make in a month, in 6 months?
He also gave me postural corrective movements and exercises and stretches to work on between visits that help with my lower back and abs so that it can stop it from coming back. Strive for improvement, not perfection people!! Take care!! 
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Lordosis?
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Yes thatās it !
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Iām just going to stick to instagram slut lower back curve (IGSLBC). It rolls off the tongue
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And here I though all those Instagram chicks were just working their coreā¦
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132.6lbs !! Down 10.4 since August.
Shoulder day Saturday nothing too exciting
Sunday amazing back day . I literally did every exercise one arm at a time and got amazing mind muscle connection throughout. And nooo reason to get upset because I canāt see any crooked if itās only one arm working 
Awesome leg day today with some good barbell hip thrusts and some light squats making sure I can keep feelin old lefty. Havenāt had hip pain since Thursday and I really feel my ability to activate my left glute is improving day by day.
Tomorrow physio / rest day. Canāt wait to get some work done on my upper body. Should make for a great shoulder day on Wednesday! Time will tell. 
BYE
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Congratulations!! Catching up in here. Itās been a long time. Looks like your cut is going really well. WHOOT! Paging back a bit to your back! Dammit!! Haha! Looks great. Congrats. Nice balance to your figure, Jen. And great idea for keeping a blog, writing. Even if itās mostly for yourself.
@ IGSLBC. Very funny.
Sorry to hear that the abs / low back issue has given you so much grief. I donāt think I have it anymore, but I do want to arch my back/ stick my butt out when Iām balancing a BB Overhead. I will feel OHPing in my low back, and I constantly have to correct the position of my pelvis. Of course, Iām not squatting anything really heavy either. You know I had ab surgery for the same issue, but for me it was also a mental thing to constantly remind myself to roll my hips forward a bit, correct my posture.
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Update shit I suppose:
Mostly negativeā¦
Seemed to have lost a great deal of my passion with regards to gym/fitness/lifting/manic super-set shit.
And thatās a pretty big deal. For anyone who has been following my previous logs I was basically gung-ho and thrilled to go to the gym on average 362 days a year.
Keep waking up with new injury shit and canāt really afford any more physio at this point.
I feel like I am there for no reason because I am not enjoying myself, Iām perma-disatisfied with my body, and due to injuries/being incapable of feeling muscles working it feels hopeless before Iāve even done my first rep.
But anyway, Iām still there 6 days a week
Cardio 4xās a week
measure/weigh all my food
Iām not giving up, I am just not really excited to be there, some days I almost resent it.
Itās just a phase, surly not to last very long .
Maybe this is just what ānormalā people without gym OCD feel like when theyāre trying to get fit or whatever.
Would like to fall in love with this all over again, hopefully someday soon.
I think as soon as the holidayās are over I am going to get some blood work done with regards to my hormonal issues.
I donāt know how many women read this but I seem to get worse every month. I get ovulation pains, then a couple weeks of horribly painful boobs that are twice the size of any boobs Iāve ever had in my life before, then I get pms, non-stop bawl my eyes out shit, then cramps, then period then start all over again. REPEAT REPEAT REAPEAT
Each month more intense and awful then the last, like wtf is this crap. I used to get my period once every 2 yrs with none of this.
Anyway, I donāt like to end on a negative note so my positive note isā¦ I guessā¦
It could take one single workout to make my heart flutter again without any of these circumstances changing at all whatsoever.
Take care my lovelies !!
BYE
Well, Dammit. That sounds terrible. Sorry to hear that youāre having so much trouble. It seems like these issues are likely related, contributing to feeling blue. For sure, go talk to your doctor about your symptoms as soon as you can.
@ perma-disatistfied, injuries can be disheartening. Maybe itās just time to rest up and deload? I know the gym has always been your happy place, your refuge, so thatās hard. Maybe walk, gentle stretching and mobility work, light full body circuits or something to change it up, give yourself a break?
I hope youāre soon back on your game, can enjoy your training again, and feel better all the way around.
Merry Christmas! I hope things are better in the New Year!
Puff
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Life is all about that ebb and flow (as Iām sure you well know) personally, I find that if Iām super dissatisfied with my gym time, lacking motivation, etc., if I force myself to do another physical activity (I told myself that if I didnāt want to go to the gym then Iād ride my bike everywhere) it helps remind me real quick how much better I like the gym haha also, not sure if youāve attempted or had any luck finding a training partner, but that helps spur me out of ruts like no oneās business.
Just because youāre punching the clock doesnāt mean it isnāt still doing you some good, I have to remind myself of that at times.
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Really?
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