Well, gee, thanks guyz. I kinda figured my train wreck mind might be somewhat entertaining, but I never thought id be inspiring 
. That makes a girl happy, it sure does
Today was awesome, benching finally felt strong again
paused bench
115lbs x 2 sets of 5
120lbs x 5
130lbs x 2
135lbs x 2 sets of 1
back off sets
125lbs x 2 sets of 2
OH and then I got to do a new thing cause I ordered these bench blockz things so it’s like I can do bored presses without having any friends 
I just got one so it’s like a one board press, felt awesome
one board bench press
115lbs x 10
125lbs x 8
135lbs x 4
140lbs x 3
145lbs x 2
military press w/pause and slow neg
75lbs x 3 sets of 3
oh then I did this cable rear delt thing all on one arm then did the other arm but diff pin heights each time so like
id do the lowest setting and bent over, then kinda middle and then up from the very top, then the middle again and back down to the bottom, all without letting go of the cable
5lbs
x 10/ x 15/ x 20/ x 15/ x 10**arm
Arnold press SS seated DB press
20lbs/20lbs
x 10/ x 10
x 10/ x 10
x 10/ x 10
DB lateral raises 3-ways I says
pinkines up SS straight arm SS bent arm (again all without setting the DBs down)
5lbs/5lbs/5lbs
x 10/ x 10/ x 10
x 12/ x 12/ x 12
x 15/ x 15/ x 15
seated bent over rear delt DB fly w/squeeze at top/slow neg SS rear delt DB fly normal
15lbs/10lbs
x 10/ x 15
x 10/ x 15
x 10/ x 15
cable underhand grip straight bar front raise SS cable upright row
10lbs/20lbs
x 12/ x 12
x 12/ x 12
x 15/ x 15
norest
facepulls
drop set
30lbs x 10
25lbs x 10
20lbs x 10
15lbs x 20
skull crushers SS reverse grip D handle tri ex.t
35lbs/5lbs
x 10/ x 10arm
x 10/ x 10arm
x 12/ x 12*arm
done, really enjoyed today. Got a lil creativity back and did some stuffy differently.
NEWAY
I know why I got upset yesterday
Aside from the fact that I’m a messy person and I get upset about everything the second I get less than 7 hrs of sleep 
Well, on Friday night I had a wonderful date at the sawmill
I mean hands down best meal of my life, Marshall hurt his neck so he wasn’t in the best of spirits but I was having the time of my life eating like a ravenous pig, LOL
Afterwards I just assumed he’d stay over, but he said he wasn’t sure if he was going to because he doesn’t like having to get up and be kicked out at 5am on a Saturday so I can get ready and go workout.
WELL DUH I thought, who the fuck WOULD want that?!
I was like omg you’re right I would do that, I’m awful
In my head I think 5 or 530 is late cause that’s late for me, but for a person who works his ass off all week and gets up really early a Saturday should be a day for an actual sleep in, not like a Jenn sleep in, a normal person’s sleep in.
He said he’d stay till I fell asleep and then he’d leave . So that was fine, until I fell asleep and then heard him get up to leave at like 1030 and I felt super upset and started having a panic attack that he was leaving, but I was still half asleep and like confused cause I didn’t know what was going on. And I kept waking up during the night like what, no, where is he?! come back, ahhhh is he going to come back ?!
Then I just woke up upset and kinda resentful towards my whole workout, so no wonder it didn’t really go well in my head.
Made me realize like how unbalanced I am even when I think I’m putting in effort to not be so anal (IE going out for dinner)
I can be patient and kind and buy thoughtful gifts, but still cannot for the life of me put anyone else before the gym. And that includes myself.
I could have lifted at 9am, would that have been so bad?!
Probably would have gone better cause I would have felt happier.
Anyway just some thinkings, I have a long way to go…
KBYE
you…
