The application of your OCD training and diet would/will go very well with whatever you choose to compete in. Powerlifting, figure, bodybuilding, you name it. I just figured by now you’d have competed!!
Also nice Goldeneye reference. I always used to be terrified of the temple level.
[quote]strongmanvinny wrote:
The application of your OCD training and diet would/will go very well with whatever you choose to compete in. Powerlifting, figure, bodybuilding, you name it. I just figured by now you’d have competed!!
Also nice Goldeneye reference. I always used to be terrified of the temple level. [/quote]
I would LOVE lovelovellvelvoelvoeeo to compete in figure, but honestly the thought of picking out a diet coach person scares the crap out of me. There are MILLIONS out there, how the hell am I supposed to decide?!?! And all the local ones I looked up didn’t seem too great. Their gallery was filled with no-arm skinny chicks who cardio-ed away all their gains.
And what if I don’t get along with them or they don’t share the same views about fitness/nutrition…
I am very stubborn when it comes to what I believe in, obvs.
And they’d also have to be reasonably priced.
Just so much stuff to worry over, WHEN YOU’RE ME!!!
Life will find a way, however…
K so back-ing
Also, I got wrist straps which not only make me feel super bad ass, but make all my back exercises feel a million times more backy and 10000 times less grippy…
Bent over row
95lbs x 10
105lbs x 4 sets of 8
85lbs x 12 I think
65lbs x 15
two arm lat pull down
27.5lbs x 15
35lbs x 3 sets of 15
2 drop
27.5lbs x 15
20lbs x 15
1 arm DB row
35lbs x 2 sets of 10arm
40lbs x 10arm
50lbs x 10 <–cheaty(bite me) arm
30lbs x 15arm
front pull down
50lbs x 3 sets of 12
30lbs x 10 *paused + 10 normal + 10 partials
seated row cable (wide handle) SS straight arm (wide) pull down
85lbs/30lbs
x 10/20
x 10/20
drop sets
seated row
85lbs x 10
70lbs x 10
55lbs x 10
40lbs x 10 + 10 partials + 10 normal + 10 partials
straight arm
30lbs x 20
25lbs x 20
20lbs x 20*held
ropey bi curl
drop sets
30lbs x 10
25lbs x 10
20lbs x 10
15lbs x 10
10lbs x 10 + 10 partials
Wide D handle lat pull down SS hammer curl
70lbs/17.lbs
x 20/12
x 20/ 8+8 (don’t know what happened there, wanted 12)
20/12
1 drop hammer curl
12.5lbs x 12 or 15 or who the hell knows
cable D handle bi curl
10lbs
x 4 sets of 12 *arm
bicep machine
40lbs
2 x 8 *slow neg.
Treadmill hill sprints x 20 mins
back ext. x 30
On fire up in here
So focused, no idea how I remembered any of that cause when I came home I was like “duuhhh, what the hell just happened over the past 2 hours”
Like I can’t tell you a single thought or remember a single song but somehow I remember all my sets and reps, Lol. Fucking madness
Lost in a sea of my own insanity
Crumbled by the weight of my own anxiety
…
Oh actually I just remembered my hill sprint thoughts
HOW DARE HE TREAT ME LIKE THAT
how DARE HEEEE
sprint faster
HOW
DARE
HE
Anyway, felt good.
WT: still 131.8
2 pics to post then I prrrrrrrromise I wont post any until after sub 130lbs
Gah.
BYE
Those forearms veins!
You’ll have to dive in and take a chance girl. You’ve got vehement discipline - nothing to lose, and everything to gain.
[quote]LiftingStrumpet wrote:
Those forearms veins![/quote]
OMG I KNOW!! SO XXXxxciting !!
[quote]strongmanvinny wrote:
You’ll have to dive in and take a chance girl. You’ve got vehement discipline - nothing to lose, and everything to gain. [/quote]
I know, and I agree for the most part, but here’s my issue(s):
I was reading stuff online and some people said judges don’t like tattoo’s.
I have some, WHICH I HATE, could affect my placing.
I also had lose skin from pregnancy, WHICH I HATE, could affect my placing.
I also have a birthmark on my ass (mole), WHICH I HATE, could affect my placing.
So essentially all the things I hate about myself could be judged and viewed negatively by others, thus reinforcing my beliefs that these things are fucking awful and vomit-inducing.
I would care about my placing, first show or not. How badly would my self esteem be effected if others judged that which I hate about myself…
Anyway here’s some shoulder work:
Cable one arm Rear delt fly SS two arm rear delt fly
2nd pin/1st pin
x 15arm/30
x 15arm/30
x 15*arm/30
Military press SS plate raise
75lbs/25lbs
x 6/20
x 6/20
x 6/20
x 6/20
drop set military press
65lbs x 5 + 1 push press
55lbs x 8 + 2 push press
hammer strength iso lateral shoulder press
facing seat way
25lbs per side
x 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6 **arm
Notes: I had to do extended sets + extra reps on my shitty weak left arm to equal the same reps as I could do on the right
cable lean away lateral raise SS lean away DB lateral raise
1st pin/7.5lbs
x 12/12
x 12/12
x 12/12
cable bar front raise pull through SS cable upright row (close grip)
3 triple drop sets of each so
front raise : 15lbs x 8/10lbs x 8/5lbs x 10
upright row: 30lbs x 8/25lbs/8/20lbs x 10
Front raise: 15lbs/8/10lbs x 8/5lbs/12
upright: 30lbs x 8/25lbs x 8/20lbs x 12
front raise : 15lbs x 8/10lbs x 8/5lbs x 15
upright: 30lbs x 8/25lbs x 8/20lbs x 15
bent arm lateral raise machine
30lbs x 15
50lbs x 6 + 2 + 2 *extended
30lbs x 15
20lbs x 15 partials
lateral raise SS rear DB fly
ramped
7.5lbs
x 12/12
10lbs
x 10/10
15lbs
x 8 + 20 partials/8 + 20 partials
20lbs
x 20 partials/20 partials
25lbs
x 20 partials/20 partials
30lbs x 20 partials/20 partials
tricep dip assist machine thing
x 12
x 8
x 8
triangle tri ext drop set
x 8/8/8/8/8 + 8 partials + 8 holds
tricep kick backs
7.5lbs
x 2 sets of 10 *arm
step mill intervals x 20 minutes
K good.
I decided as long as my workout has passion, then it’s a good workout.
If I can remind myself to hurt at least once throughout, I’ve done my duty.
Dream:
Today, in real life, I am going to see a counsellor. In my dream I told the counsellor that I no longer feel like an actual human being, but just a walking/breathing disorder.
Not a person
An ailment
I exist only to worry, obsess, stress, etc…
Never to just simply be.
I am scared to go… I have been thinking up how to get out of it all week, but now I’m half an hour away…
Anyway, today is day 21.
BEY
BYE
Nice definition between the obliques and the rectus abdominus.
Rhomboids are popping out nicely on your back.
Forearm veins are showing, you’re leaning out.
Hoping the counselor visit goes well for you.
Hope the visit goes well. Muscles are looking great.
^^ Thanks guys!! =)
K so leg day-Hamstring focus
Beast mode switch = turned on
Barbell hip thrusts
95lbs x 2 sets of 15
145lbs x 4 sets of 10
wide stance back squats
95lbs x 15
115lbs x 15
135lbs x 3 sets of 15
lying leg curl
65lbs x 3 sets of 8
drop sets
50lbs x 8
40lbs x 8
30lbs x 8 + 12 partials
ass machine
150lbs x 4 sets of 6 *ass
1 drop set
90lbs x 12 + 12 partials *ass
smith machine split squats wide stance SS DB RDL
20lbs per side/32.5lbs
x 10leg/10
x 10leg/10
x 10*leg/10
1 drop DB RDL
25lbs x 15
seated leg curl
60lbs
x 8 slow neg + 8 normal + 8 partials
x 8 slow neg + 8 normal + 8 partials
x 8 slow neg + 8 normal + 8 partials
45lbs x 8 *paused each rep at the bottom
also super setted one set of leg spreader in there
70lbs x 50 + 25 partials
step mill intervals x 20 minutes.
notes
I keep my rest periods to basically like
“Oh shit, I’ve been standing here for more than 5 seconds, I better hurry the fuck up and do my next set”
However long it takes me to think that thought is how long I rest…
I try to always start my next set before I feel like I’m ready.
If I’m ready, I’ve waited too long…
WT: 132lbs
I’ll see in the next few days if I maybe need to cut back a tiny bit more to get things moving…
I’ve started kinda carb cycling
Shoulder days = high
1 back/1 chest = low
1 back/hamstring/quad= medium
Nothing major…
The counsellor actually went really well yesterday.
I was nervous to go because I was worried I’d break down when he asked the inevitable “is there anything in particular that triggered this episode” type of question.
But I kept my cool, well, as much cool as I have anyway.
It was nice to talk to someone intelligent intelligently about my anxiety.
You know, when you can tell they respect you because you obviously know what you’re talking about.
Like I’m not clueless, I could write books on the subject and sound educated at that…
It occurred to me the other day while I was having my millionth argument with marshall in my head, this can never be revisited, and I mean that. Not in 3 months, not in year, not in five.
Never.
I simply can never speak to this person again in my entire life. Not under any circumstance will that be okay.
There’s no apology or gesture or anything he could do where I would feel okay or trusting of him ever again.
Not that he ever would because he never cared about me in the first place, but as something I must remind myself on a daily basis. It’s not okay to be okay with someone who completely destroyed me like that.
I have post-it notes in various locations around my house that say things like the desk notepad “You can NEVER talk to this person again” Taped to my calendar “NEVER!!” Inside my closet “Nope, not today” Medicine cabinet “Actually, um…NO!!!” Fridge “NEVER ever EVER EVER AGAIN”
Oh, also the screen saver on my phone <–prob. the most important one “DO NOT ALK TO HIM EVER AGAIN”
Something like what Dr. Grant said with regards to revisiting the island that gave him nightmares in Jurassic Park
“There is not a force on this earth that could get me back on the island.”
Not a force on this earth.
Hmm, that’s a good idea for a new post-it note.
BEY
BYE
K kicked my back’s ass!!!
T bar row
Bar +++
25lbs x 15
50lbs
x 4 sets of 15
1 drop
25lbs x 20
behind the neck lat pull down
27.5lbs x 12
35lbs x 4 sets of 10
1 drop
27.5lbs x 12 *slow neg
hammer strength iso lateral row neutral grip
70lbs per side
x 12, 11, 10, 9, 8**arm
kayak rows SS narrow D handle lat pull down
25lbs/70lbs
x 12 arm + 12 straight arm/15
x 12arm + 12 straight arm/15
x 12*arm + 12 straight arm
drop sets narrow D handle latpull down
100lbs x 8
85lbs x 8
70lbs x 10
55lbs x 15
45lbs x 10 *pause + 10 normal + 10 partals + 10 *paused + 10 partials + 10 normal
latpull down machine
55lbs x 20
60lbs x 20
70lbs x 20
1 drop
55lbs x 20 + 10 partials
EZ bar cable curl
25lbs x 15
35lbs x 10
25lbs x 15
20lbs x 15
incline DB curl SS straight bar curl
15lbs/30lbs
x 10/10
x 10/10
x 10/10
dual seated row
low row/underhand grip
20lbs x 10 *arm + 10 both arm
27.5lbs x 10 *arm + 10 both arm
27.5lbs x 10 *arm + 10 both arm
27.5lbs x 10 *arm + 10 both arm
20lbs x 15 both arm
hill sprint intervals x 20 minutes
back ext. x 30
Honestly, holy fuck today was awesome
My dana linn bailey pants finally arrived and they fit perfectly.
I felt like da boss
Da boss dogg
oh whoops
Notes***
Once again my rest periods were non-existent, but today I also made a real point of holding and squeezing my back muscles with almost every rep. Felt really great. Sometimes you just gotta close your eyes and think “back muscles, back muscle, back muscles”
OH WT: 130.8lbs <–!!! Down 1.2lbs from yesterday
I’ll be under 130 in no time if I can keep this shit up, woot.
Day 23.
I remember back in 2012 when I was 150lbs and I first started trying to lose weight.
Every morning I would wake up and say to myself
“Today I am fat. Today I am a fat person. One day I will wake up and I will not longer be a fat person. It wont be tomorrow, it wont be the day after, but someday I will wake up and not be fat”
Well,
I haven’t woken up a fat person in years now.
I think about that in terms of my current state of heart ache.
Today I wake up and it hurts, tomorrow I’ll wake up and it will hurt. But someday I’ll wake up and realize I haven’t hurt in a year and I couldn’t give a flying fuck about him anymore.
It’ll happen. Just a question of when, not if.
BYE
[quote]Spock81 wrote:
Today I wake up and it hurts, tomorrow I’ll wake up and it will hurt. But someday I’ll wake up and realize I haven’t hurt in a year and I couldn’t give a flying fuck about him anymore.
It’ll happen. Just a question of when, not if.
[/quote]
That may be one of the smartest things you’ve said so far. I’m not implying that you’re stupid, btw.
[quote]nighthawkz wrote:
[quote]Spock81 wrote:
Today I wake up and it hurts, tomorrow I’ll wake up and it will hurt. But someday I’ll wake up and realize I haven’t hurt in a year and I couldn’t give a flying fuck about him anymore.
It’ll happen. Just a question of when, not if.
[/quote]
That may be one of the smartest things you’ve said so far. I’m not implying that you’re stupid, btw.
[/quote]
=)
K yesterday was shoulders and I did “too much”.
I mean, I was too overwhelmed at the thought of trying to remember it all and type it all out so yeah, just making note that it existed, but it was crazy even by my standards.
I didn’t feel good mentally apparently so my batshit came out…
Anyway, today:
Leg day-Quad focus
close stance back squats
95lbs x 20
115lbs x 20
125lbs x 20
135lbs x 20
close stance smith machine squats SS DB squats
20lbs per side/30lbs
x 12/12
25lbs per side/30lbs
x 10/12
30lbs per side/30lbs
x 8/12
drop set of each
close stance smith
35lbs per side x 6
20lbs per side x 16
DB SQ
30lbs
x 12
25lbs
x 12
20lbs
x 20
hack squat machine w/pause at the bottom
45lbs per side
x 4 sets of 8
drop sets
35lbs per side
x 8 1&1/2 reps
25lbs per side
x 15
ass machine
90lbs x 12 + 12 partials *ass
110lbs x 10 + 10 partials *ass
130lbs x 8 ass
170lbs x 6ass
1 drop
100lbs x 12 + 12 partials * ass
leg press machine
drop sets
250lbs x 8
230lbs x 8
210lbs x 8
190lbs x 8
170lbs x 8
150lbs x 8
130lbs x 12
This was honestly one of the most painful awful things I’ve put myself through lately. Very good…
um
single leg ext.
35lbs per side
x 3 sets of 15*leg
2 sets where I hold one leg and do paused reps on the other
2 x 8 *leg for that…
leg squisher
100lbs
x 10 *slow neg + 10 normal + 10 partials
step mill intervals x 20 minutes
stability ball hip thrusts x 50
Gah.
REally awesome, today.
Felt like a soldier fighting the quad war .
Everywhere I see a soldier a soldier, everywhere I see a soldier like me.
day 25
I slept from 7:30 last night until 5:15am today
I am hoping it cause my shoulders needed that much time to grow…
But I also slept really bad the night before I think it’s cause I watched a movie before bed that upset me a little bit (?)
It was called um…
THe Siege
Denzel Washington was in it so it was pretty much the only thing on Netflix that didn’t seem awful
Also then I realized bruce willis was in it so that got me excited
And it was a good movie for the most part, but I think it made me wound up or something, I dunno.
BYE
Hey, you know what you glean from getting over the small things is invaluable, right?! You’ll kick so much ass and you know it. You’d really set a great example for women (and men) who are unsure of themselves and feeling the bar is set too high.
Also, you’re still hip thrusting more weight than me so GG well played mate.
[quote]strongmanvinny wrote:
Hey, you know what you glean from getting over the small things is invaluable, right?! You’ll kick so much ass and you know it. You’d really set a great example for women (and men) who are unsure of themselves and feeling the bar is set too high.
Also, you’re still hip thrusting more weight than me so GG well played mate. [/quote]
Oh… I never thought about it like that SMV…
:>
K I finally had a chest day where I felt like I worked hard enough 
Incline Bench
65lbs x 15
85lbs x 10
95llbs x 6
100lbs x 3 sets of 6
drop sets
85lbs x 8
75lbs x 8 *paused for a sec at the bottom
65lbs x 17 I think
Cable cross over
3rd pin
low setting x 10
middle setting 10
high middle setting x 10
high setting x 10
2nd pin
low setting x 12
middle setting x 12
high middle setting x 12
high setting x 12
1st pin
low setting x 20
middle setting x 20
high middle setting x 20
high setting x 20
close grip bench press
65lbs x 10
75lbs x 4 sets of 8
65lbs x 10 *short pause *
one arm DB press SS DB fly SS DB squeeze press
30lbs/12.5lbs/12.5lbs
x 10arm/10/15
x 10arm/15/20
x 10*arm/20/25
Assisted dip machine
drop sets
x 8
x 8
x 8
x 10
hammer strength incline press machine
30lbs per side
x 12, 11, 10, 9, 8
20lbs
x 15 Partials
EZ bar cable tri ext. SS reverse grip D handle tri ext.
35lbs/5lbs
x 12/12arm
x 12/12arm
x 12/12*arm
step mill intervals x 20 minutes
yeah, good.
Good pumpin’, good pressin’, good chestin’, no restin’
LOOOOLLLLLL
K had this really amazing dream
Back in Jr high there was this boy who used to harass me more than others, his name was Robbie.
Fuck that smug little face of his. Tiny head, big eared mu#@er f#ker.
No, I’m not done insulting him.
K, yes I am.
Anyway, in my dream I was parked out front of Wal-Mart and I saw him and he started picking on me like back in the good ol’ days.
This time I reacted differently though.
He said to me “you have an ugly body”
I mean, what an insult. Out of everything he could have said to me insulting my body??! How dare the dream He do that to me.
So I grabbed him by the collar and said to him “listen you little mother fucker, I do not have an ugly body. I work out for 2 hours a day and I am going to be a figure athlete, get it?!! I’m going to compete and I’ll show you. I’ll show all of you what your words turned me into!!!”
Basically saying that I was going to use the hurt from my past as fuel to drive my figure dreams. Like to prove to them something (?).
What it would prove I don’t know.
Hey you assholes, you hurt me so I got hot to spite you.
Anyway, I found it interesting that my sub conscious thinks that way. I mean my conscious self thinks that way for the most part also, it just doesn’t always like to be so bold and admit it like that.
I don’t know. I feel like I have special powers that other people don’t have. My ability to make myself feel physical pain at the gym is all that I’m good at.
But damn am I ever good at it.
Gym time pain is the only two hours of freedom I have from feeling emotional pain.
It covers it up completely, but it has to be intense.
That’s why I can’t do lame ass, easy, girly workouts without going stir crazy.
So ya , day 26.
And I’m tired.
I can never break down and contact him again because then the past 25 days will have been a waste of time, and nothing gives me more anxiety then wasting time.
But boy I miss things
And boy I’m sad
And boy it’s going to be a long year or two before I have human contact again
Boy that’s going to feel horrible
BYE
Holy SHIT I just typed out a huge fucking workout and somehow touched ONE little thing on my keyboard and it all got erased.
EFF
Here we go again…
BACK DAY
Bent over row
95lbs x 4 sets of 12
2 drop
85lbs x 12
65lbs x 12*paused
lat pull down with the wide seated row cable handle
55lbs x 20
70lbs x 20
85lbs x 12
100lbs x 8
120lbs x 6
drop sets
100lbs x 6
85lbs x 6
70lbs x 8 I think
55lbs x I forget
45lbs x 10 paused + 10 normal + 10 partials
one arm DB row
40lbs x 3 sets of 10arm
1 drop
25lbs x 20arm
one arm lat pull down
27.5lbs
x 10 arm + 10 both arm
x 10 arm + 10 both arm
x 10 *arm + 10 both arm
seated row machine
low grip SS high grip
I forget the weights I used
x 8/12
x 8/12
x 8/12
wide grip straight arm pull down SS seated row cable narrow grip
30lbs/70lbs
x 20/10
x 25/15
x 30
drop sets seated row
70lbs x 20
55lbs x 10 *paused
40lbs x 10 *paused + 10 normal + 10 partials
bicep machine drop sets
65lbs x 6
50lbs x 6
40lbs x 8
30lbs x 10
20lbs x 20
1 arm D handle cable bicep curl
10lbs
3 x 12 *arm
wide D handle lat pull down
70lbs
x 3 sets of 8 *slow negative
55lbs
x 15 normal
seated DB curl
12.5lbs x 15*arm
20lbs x 10 arm (9+2 on the shitty arm to be anal)
12.5lbs x 15arm
hill sprint intervals x 20 minutes
back ext. x 30
K fuck typing that out twice, jeebus.
Anyway,
So I was reading a new book about anxiety last night, which regardless of what it says helps me out in someway just because it reminds me there are others out there who suffer as I suffer.
But these are the thoughts I had before bed after I put the book away:
Why is something I created stronger than I am?
Why is something that was created for the soul purpose of protecting me the cruelest, most merciless bully I’ve ever known?
Why is something that claims to “save me” the only thing that stops me from being happy and successful?
Why is all that wants for me is to be afraid and alone?
Know your enemy. Sometimes disguised as your “best friend”
It’s okay, I’ve got your back Jenn. I’ll protect you from fear and worry by making you afraid and worried about everything. Go on up head, I’m right behind you. Stabs me repeatedly
I told you bitch, the world is a terrifying place. WHY DIDN’T YOU LISTEN TO ME!!
Actually, the only thing I fear is you, anxiety. You are what’s uncomfortable. Nothing else bothers me.
I hate you so much, I hate you, I hate you I HATE YOU I HATE YOU IHATEYOU
Day 27 and the future is looking bright
I masturbated to someone new.
And not just “Eminem” vs fake marshall like before when I was trying to fix myself and acting like I accomplished something, LOl.
THis was a whole new live person who’s not a celebrity and who’s not a baggy pant wearing tattooed person.
Well, there you go.
BEY
BYE
Alllllllllllllllrighty, what on earth did I do today…
Shoulders
Cable station rear delt fly
1st pin
3 x 100 diff pin heights for each set
Military press SS plate raise
for this I didn’t rest at all and just tried to do as many reps as I could until I desired death
65lbs/35lbs
x 12/12
x 6/10
x 4/10
x 3/8
x 3/6
x 3/6
drop sets
55lbs/25lbs
x 10/20
hammer strength iso lateral raise (facing seat way) SS barbell upright row
25lbs per side/50lbs
x 12arm/15
x 12arm/15
x 12*arm/15
cable lean away lateral raise SS DB lean away lateral raise
5lbs/7.5lbs
x 10arm/10arm
x 12arm/12arm
x 15arm/15arm
facepulls SS ropey tri ext SS ropey front raise cable pull through
30lbs/25lbs/10lbs
x 20/15/10
x 20/15/10
drop sets
facepulls
30lbs x 20
25lbs x 20
ropey tri ext
25lbs x 15
20lbs x 15
pull through
10lbs x 10
5lbs x 20
rear delt DB fly partials SS rear delt DB fly
25lbs/10lbs
x 25/15
x 25/15
x 25/15
giant drop set shit
straight arm lateral raise/bent arm lateral raise/10&2 raises/front raise
12.5lbs
x 8/8/8/8arm
10lbs
x 8/8/8/8arm
7.5lbs
x 8/8/8/8arm
5lbs
x8/10/12/15arm
*no rest between any of it.
Bitches
bent arm lateral raise machine
25lbs x 15
45lbs x 6 + 2 + 2 *extended set
25lbs x 15
DB tri overhead EXT.
25lbs
x 2 sets of 15
30lbs
x 10
step mill intervals x 20 minutes
Now I keep gaining weight so I’m up to 132, mo#*$#er F8293894ER Son of a B8**tch.
Let’s add cardio Jenn
Let’s reduce rest periods Jenn
let’s cut out 200-300 calories per day Jenn
Let’s GAIN WEIGHT JENN
SRSly FOFF
EFFOFF
EFOFOFOFFOFOFOFFFFFFFFF
No, I’m fine, whatever.
Day 28
Good.
Almost at 30 days. Keep it movin’.
BYE
K holy shit worst workout evahhhh
I’ll explain everything so that my thoughts can become somewhat un jumbled
First off I’ll try and set the scene so the workout awful-ness seems more clear. Painting a picture.
Today I was going to ask someone out at the gym, so naturally I was a bit nervous and distracted because I was more focused on “bumping into him” than I was on destroying my hamstrings. WHICH IS A NO-NO in the land of ME ! WOrkouts come first. NO. MATTER. WHAT
Anyway, so I started squatting and my STUPID fucking belt Velcro kept coming undone so I made me totally freak out because
A.) It made me feel fat
and
B.) it made me feel embarrassed because I thought everyone was thinking wow she so fat her belt can’t stay done up
In actuality though I am pretty sure it was just shitty worn out Velcro which had nothing to do with me,… Also no one even noticed or cared cause who gives a shit?
SO whatever I am not counting any of my squats because they wer mayhem ! Absolute mayhem !
Barbell hip thrusts
95lbs x 15
145lbs x 3 sets of 15
1 drop set
95lbs x 25
Lying leg curl
3 triple drop sets
65lbs x 8 / 50lbs x 8/ 40lbs x 8
55lbs x 8 / 45lbs x 8/ 35lbs x 8
50lbs x 8 / 40lbs x 8/ 30lbs x 8 + 8 partials
smith machine split squats SS wide stand smith squats SS DB RDL
25lbs per side/25lbs per side/32.5lbs
x 8leg/10/12
x 10leg/12/15
x 12*leg/15/20
ass machine
120lbs
x 3 sets of 10 *ass
seated leg curl
55lbs
x rest pause set = 100
stepmill intervals x 20 minutes
leg spreader
85lbs
x 2 sets of 20
K everything sucked hard. Rest periods were too long, I didn’t work hard, no passion/focus, mind was all over the place
But it’s okay today can still count as a day closer to my dreams because I still did something
I still did cardio
and I’ll still stick to my diet
So THERE JENN 
Don’t know what to do about my belt though
Well fuck whatever.
So that guy I wanted to ask out, that guy from a long time ago who seems like he likes me because he acts nervous and weird around me. Almost every workout there is some point where we are near one another.
Sometimes right beside
So I was waiting for that and it never happened so I had to try and make it happen myself.
Like I saw he was going to get the wipey down equipment stuff so I went over there to try and time it right, but I missed him and then I had stuff to wipe shit DOWN AND I WAS USING THE SMITH MACHINE
So I had nothing to wipe down>>>>>>>…
I had to go back there and just throw it away like fUCK no one better be watching me right now
Walks over to cleany wipes
Grabs one
walks to garbage
throws it away
stupid stupid stupid
Like I practiced about a 100 times yesterday like
Hey
Hey
Hey want to go play laser tag
Hey
…
yo
Hey
So hey
Hey um so laser tag um
Hey
Now I Have to wait until Monday because they don’t work out on Friday’s
That’s going to be a long weekend filled with tummy aches…
Do not wait until tomorrow that which you can do today.
All I know is next hamstring day I will KILL IT.
:>
BYE
