T Nation

What are Guys Looking for In a Girl?


Great, so what kind of guy are you looking for? Your question remains overbroad.

It’s a bit like fishing. Your bait and tactics change depending on the kind of fish you want.


Broadly speaking, I’m looking for an intelligent and fit guy who keeps the future in mind, definitely no crime, drugs or that kind of thing
Bonus traits that would be nice but not too feasible: wakes up early, doesn’t procrastinate, isn’t too interested in sex
My pipe dream: somewhat knowledgable about the USSR/ Russian history

Are these expectation too high?

I’d say I fit all my “criteria” myself, but I’m not sure if it’s too much to expect from others, male or otherwise

Nice name btw


From what I’ve read about your generation and the young men who inhabit it … yes. Very much so hahaha … sounds like you’re looking for a successful early 40s divorcee who teaches Russian lit at the local community college hahaha

Does this young guy also breed magic dragons in the land of Honahlee?

I kid I kid

I’m going to stand by my earlier advice and say focus on improving yourself and socializing in groups that cater to your interests - maybe figure out a hobby that encapsulates some of these traits and engage in it - chances are you’ll find a guy that exercises these same characteristics in the kind of activity(ies) that foster these qualities …


I’d say keep that list in your mind as an ideal, and decide where you’re willing to compromise if you find someone who checks a lot of the blocks.

I’m sure some of the criteria will be auto-fail, like the crime and drugs. Others, like waking up early might be more negotiable. Someone who’s not knowledgeable in Russian history can be educated if they express an interest. You might be hard-pressed finding a guy in your age range who’s not too interested in sex, but you can probably find a decent guy who is patient and will wait on your terms, which is as good as you can expect. In the long run, you’re going to want the interest in sex at some point, I suspect.


I joked with another lady here about converting to Orthodox Judaism, but you basically described (down to USSR history) a nice Jewish boy.

Failing a sincere desire to convert, go join your school’s ROTC. You’d get someone who works hard, is smart, passed a criminal background check, is in shape, regularly takes drug tests, wakes up early, doesn’t procrastinate, and probably has to take classes on USSR/Russian history.

So, there is your pool of fish who meet your criteria. Officer material. Go fish.

As far as the “not too interested in sex” — well, at 17, all normal males are interested in sex with females. (Or are gay, and thus, not interested in sex with females.) If I was a female, and a guy didn’t want to have sex, I’d be worried he was gay, excepting the devoutly religious (and, from personal experience as a devoutly religious person, I was extremely interested in sex, but just took a lot of cold showers – and got married at not too much later than you). So the best you can hope for is someone who is very interested in sex, but can wait.

Sadly earned the first day of IDF boot camp (we have a draft in Israel). I had a religious exemption to keep my beard, and I am tall and have black/brown/redish curly hair. Everyone else was clean shaven. Pissed off SGT called me “Jewbacca” – and it has stuck to the point my friends (and wife and kids) call me that in real life.


I actually know a young man whom meets most of those criteria.


So you don’t want a guy

Jk (kinda)


Stand behind your comment … she ain’t kidding (on top of it’s a vague and subjective statement … “too interested” compared to who?)


Ya know, that’s an odd niche, but honestly a kind of cool one too.

Being nearish your age (22 in school), id say there are a decent number of guys who are just flat interested in any girl smart enough to carry on a meaningful conversation about the world, which seems up your alley.

Also, second @Jewbacca wholeheartedly, you basically described most midshipman/cadets at ROTC or service academies around the country. Your mileage may vary depending on both the kid and the rotc program at the school, but seems like a good dating pool. (And no, you would by no means be the only girl hanging around looking for suitors)


The main qualities I’m attracted to are friendliness, work ethic, loyalty, opposite of clingy (can’t think of the actual term lol). Obviously similar interests are extremely important too


I would suggest that most successful long term relationships include sex drives that are fairly well matched.


I totally agree, which is why I also said…

Lots of people refrain from sex until marriage or some other point determined by religion or personally-held beliefs, but then have perfectly solid sex drives once they start, so I assumed that the lack of interest in sex on her part was based on this, rather than no desire whatsoever. Of course, this may have been an incorrect assumption on my part.


LOL!!! That’s what my mom said! I’m going to Columbia for university so finding a nice Jewish boy shouldn’t be too hard?
From what I’m hearing about “young men my age”, it looks like I should either consider the military (which I’m not too interested in) or just wait until everyone, including me, is much more mature. I could/should probably wait another 10-15 years. It’s just the social pressure that’s kind of frustrating.
Anyways, Thanks so much for the advice!


I’m straight- just find all the sex stuff unappealing, especially given how prevalent it is in today’s society.


Since moving to Thailand and traveling around Asia, I realised why I didn’t have much interest in western women, and realised what I find attractive. Attitude is number one for me. Most western women have a self-entitled, bitchy attitude and it’s a massive turn off. Most Asian women have remembered how to act feminne, and they know their place in the world. Modern feminism has destroyed the western woman imo. Any man who has been to Thailand, Cambodia, Laos, Philippines, Vietnam… should realise this. I see so many miserable white guys on holiday with their fat, bad attitude and jealous western gf. I just know they’re looking around them thinking this is what I could have had! So, for me anyway it’s all about attitude.


Ruffian is a nice Jewish boy!


yeah, i wasn’t implying you were actually looking for a girl (they generally are interested in sex too so that woulda been a silly point).

i was just being ironic about the fact that it’s weird, at least IMO, to want to separate the “romantic” and “physical” facets of a relationship and somehow completely exclude one. if you’re with a guy and the two of you aren’t having sex, isn’t that just a friendship?

in my opinion, there are two types of guys, especially at your age (which happens to be mine as well): those who are interested in sex, and those who pretend they aren’t because they think that somehow being “just friends” with a girl will help them get into her pants.

also, i know you said “especially” so that probably isn’t the only reason, but–I personally think that something being prevalent in today’s society is not a good reason to avoid it. you “should” be interested in sex because it’s completely natural, it’s normal to have a sex drive, it feels good, and is part of a well-rounded relationship.

conversely, you “shouldn’t” smoke not because smoking is prevalent in today’s society, but because it’s harmful and provides no benefits. hope the similitude makes sense to you.

ultimately, since i’m assuming you haven’t ever had sex, i believe you might meet someone who isn’t too crazy about sex because they too haven’t had it yet. if you and this hypotetic person get together and eventually have sex, i’m sure that from then on when you eventually break up you won’t be so concerned about finding someone who isn’t interested in sex.


Good point. I guess I’ll just wait and see.
By the way, you seem to have a very mature outlook on this stuff compared to most of my classmates.


He’s European. They’re fancy like that.


Notice the change in behavior after conversion (and Jewish wife).

We’ve (TTR and I) obviously had our issues, but he was pretty much the poster boy for PTSD related reckless behavior, allegedly resolved. People do weird shit after that kind of stuff. I’ve apologized before but I will do it again.