Long story, but I'll provide some background info. I'm also a 21 year old male.
in spring of 7th grade, I had a bilateral testicular torsion that i believe spawned from late decent of my testes at 13 years old. I had a delayed surgery, about 3-4 days after onset. Since it was intermittent, they were able to save both testicles.
Flash foward 4-6 months, I began to hit bouts of severe depression, and noticable disconnection from people as well as myself. I lost significant weight, albeit I ate like an animal. I also lost any signs of puberty that were coming before, with no libido. This resulted in doctors assuming I had depression, and was not only prescribed anti depressants, but had no sexual drive whatsoever. I could still get a boner, I just had no interest in going out or hitting on girls etc.
This persisted until college, until something hit me hard enough to where I couldn't even feel like a man looking at my crotch. Not going to lie, It had me so scared I thought I was transgendered. Yet I had no symptoms some legitmately trans people experience at young ages (i.e. trying on womens clothes, dysphoria, etc.)
Hitting this rock bottom, I ended up thinking (stupidly so) that I should pick up a prohormone since it's legal and I'd rather try male hormones than female since I had enough problems to experience, why discriminate against myself.
Long story short, I ended up noticing immediate results, where I felt clearer minded, happier, horny for the first time, and in all honesty-- felt like a man.
I feel as if this is related to testicular injury, possibly inhibiting testosterone function. I had blood work through labcorp 5 days after stopping prohormone supplementation, and it came back with 863 dl total testosterone.
However since quitting 3 months ago, I'm running downhill again to the point that my libido is noticeably lower to which my girlfriend is bothered by it. I also am having problems maintaining an erection, however I didn't really notice this til after my new referred urologist began testing.
I had blood work last month with a new urologist after my primary care physician reffered me. He seems educated, yet somehow there was a "mix up" and instead of testing testosterone total and free, it tested for prostate something. Injury was ruled out via ultrasound and cat scan.
To me, I know I need some type of aid of TRT, I don't care if it's a gel, injection, oral or whatever as long as its safe and doctor administered so it's at appropriate healthy levels. I couldn't care less for steroidal gains however it's not like I would complain either. However I know I just plain felt better and was out of a total depression and disconnection after taking it, became productive again and just felt regulated.
My doctor is being a little sketchy as without mentioning or even myself knowing i had an erectile problem, he prescribed me cialis with a 30 day 5mg a day trial, and provided me with another round of blood work for an appointment in a few weeks (4 weeks from my last appt) and somehow the nurse accidentally tested my blood work for the wrong thing so i couldn't see my results. I'd like to know how to approach conversation so I know I'll get appropriate aid. The cialis helped me get boners, but I still have no real desire to approach my girlfriend sexually, let alone watch porn or anything else. It has made me happier oddly enough, but not necessarily consistent or what would appear to be a regulated mood like before.
Any advice would be super appreciated, and if there are even other treatment options or further information that could help with advice please let me know. I really don't know how else to approach this. Thanks!