T Nation

We Can Colonize Motherf*cking Mars

http://spaceports.blogspot.com/2013/01/mars-colonists-being-sought-for-2023.html

This is too good to be true. I can’t believe I’ve been wasting my time trying out for Jeopardy! for the sake of the T-Nation when I could have been preparing myself for THIS!

T-Nationers, it’s time for us all to drop our current training objectives and all start working toward a new kind of fitness level. MARTIAN fitness levels! Seriously, this company is going to start colonizing Mars in 2023 and colonists will undergo 8 years of training prior to that. I don’t see any reason why T-Nation can’t be well-represented on Mars. Let’s do this. I’m going to apply as soon as the application period opens up and have already sent them an email letting them know that I want to apply.

Who else is in? Below is the link from the page I included above that has more of the details and some links to how to apply and all that shit.

http://mars-one.com/en/faq-en/21-faq-selection/251-do-i-qualify-to-apply

Somehow Mars Colonization is still just 10 years away.

Middle Martain Poon?

I know this sounds totally off-the-wall, but I seriously think I’m exactly the type of person they’ll need out there.

I’m a teacher, so I can help educate the children of astronauts who are born there. I am also qualified to teach English to non-native speakers, so I can help teach English to astronauts from other countries that end up over there AND I can teach English to the Martians.

[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:
Middle Martain Poon?

[/quote]

Exactly!

[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:
Middle Martain Poon?

[/quote]

I’m down for this inter-species Martian orgy.

If I am reading this right, it takes 10 years to get to Mars? Astronomical!

In. As long as they bring plenty of space weights for me to lift.

[quote]csulli wrote:
In. As long as they bring plenty of space weights for me to lift.[/quote]

This is T-Nation’s chance to reinvent the barbell. With big red rocks and shit.

So you’re en route to Mars, and you patiently live out your days in the craft on the 10 year journey.

Then at around year #3, you get a report that due to technological advances, a new craft is on its way to Mars and will arrive there in 6 months.

FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuu…!!!

[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
So you’re en route to Mars, and you patiently live out your days in the craft on the 10 year journey.

Then at around year #3, you get a report that due to technological advances, a new craft is on its way to Mars and will arrive there in 6 months.

FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuu…!!![/quote]

I think you guys are confused about the 10 year wait. The actual colonists won’t leave for 10 years, not take 10 years of space travel to arrive. It’ll probably only take like a month or something to get there, maybe less given the assumed technological advancements by the time the first wave of colonists depart Earth.

[quote]DBCooper wrote:

[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
So you’re en route to Mars, and you patiently live out your days in the craft on the 10 year journey.

Then at around year #3, you get a report that due to technological advances, a new craft is on its way to Mars and will arrive there in 6 months.

FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuu…!!![/quote]

I think you guys are confused about the 10 year wait. The actual colonists won’t leave for 10 years, not take 10 years of space travel to arrive. It’ll probably only take like a month or something to get there, maybe less given the assumed technological advancements by the time the first wave of colonists depart Earth.[/quote]

Takes about 5 months I think.

It takes 150-300 days to get there, depending on the alignment of Earth and Mars.

There is no coming back from this mission you all realize.

[quote]DirtyM wrote:
It takes 150-300 days to get there, depending on the alignment of Earth and Mars.

There is no coming back from this mission you all realize. [/quote]

And?

[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
So you’re en route to Mars, and you patiently live out your days in the craft on the 10 year journey.

Then at around year #3, you get a report that due to technological advances, a new craft is on its way to Mars and will arrive there in 6 months.

FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuu…!!![/quote]

Don’t worry ID the quickest route to Mars only takes 9months. Thats 9 months of being locked in a tin can no bigger than a bus! 9 months breathing in all the noxious fumes your fellow astronauts produce. 9 months with no SEX, Or even a quiet place to jerk off in! 9 months without committing an act of unmitigated savegery on the other astronauts as you slowly go NUTS.

Did I mention how after 9 f’ing months you may well be too atrophied to stand up in Martian gravity, or to do something really useful like land the f’ing ship?

Did I mention how after 9 months the cosmic radiation you just flew through has fried your nads to a light crispy brown…

Still Tempted?

[quote]DBCooper wrote:

[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
So you’re en route to Mars, and you patiently live out your days in the craft on the 10 year journey.

Then at around year #3, you get a report that due to technological advances, a new craft is on its way to Mars and will arrive there in 6 months.

FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuu…!!![/quote]

I think you guys are confused about the 10 year wait. The actual colonists won’t leave for 10 years, not take 10 years of space travel to arrive. It’ll probably only take like a month or something to get there, maybe less given the assumed technological advancements by the time the first wave of colonists depart Earth.[/quote]

Ah. I was confused by, “The age range for candidates will be limited. While the exact upper limits have not yet been determined, the lower age limit for applicants to apply for the selection program will be 18 years. By the time this person would land on Mars as an astronaut, he or she would be 28 years of age.”

But I supposed that is the 10 year wait until mission launch.

EDIT: As Marty mentioned, we will need to outfit our T-Nation shuttle with a power rack and 1000 lbs of plates. And we need to not go overboard on the protein or else we will all be spewing noxious gas in a closed environment. A 9 month journey will also require some T-Vixens for…keeping the Martian colony going in future generations.

“Once on Mars, there is no means to return to Earth. Mars is home. A grounded, deep sense of purpose will help each astronaut maintain his or her psychological stability and focus as they work together toward a shared and better future.”

I missed this… Okay so in addition to my previous condition that they bring plenty of weights for me to lift, they’ll also need to bring an assortment of hot redheads (not Edgy).

I think that the only way for the crew to survive emotionally is if they are all hard core swingers who don’t mind a little bondage. I’m seeing something like a scene from Flesh Gordon here.

Is that just me?

I’ll go, get me the fuck off this rock.

[quote]MartyMonster wrote:
I think that the only way for the crew to survive emotionally is if they are all hard core swingers who don’t mind a little bondage. I’m seeing something like a scene from Flesh Gordon here.

Is that just me?[/quote]

I was thinking more Sci-fi like Space Nuts.

fuck Mars, it’s all red and dusty and shit looking.