T Nation

War Of The Clown-pants 2001

My gym has 4 or 5 clown-pants guys. You know the type. Very loud-grunting from rep 1 until the very final crashing-of-the-plates finale. All with really horrendous form. I vary my schedule so I get to meet them all. Rarely do they overlap and most claim the the leg press machine as Base Camp. (Other options-the squat rack [oddly a distant second choice] or the cable station-lots of crashing plate options here-and a captive audience with whomever is using something there). The mid-afternoon clown-pants guy is the one I most often encounter (leg press machine). He’ll do his dramatic set and then stand up (with the ubiqiutous weight belt) and look around to see how many admiring fans are in his kingdom. Actually the college kids usually do admire him copying the bad form, dramatics, etc. If nobody is paying attention the crashing of the plates is intensified. Along with the grunting. He’ll spend a good half hour on that one machine alone.

The saddest clown-pants guy is the around 7:00 guy. He’s 50 or so, got the weight belt AND a head-band and a gut. He really doesn’t do a lot other than strut around all puffed-out. Still, a clown-pants guy with which to be reckoned. Anyway, tomorrow-Thanksgiving-the gym is only open until noon. This forces all the clown-pants guys to converge at once. It is my favorite day. Who will be the king-alpha-clown-pants guy? The clown-pants guy that won last year actualy cheated-but he won! Seeing all the competition (part of which includes who can talk loudest [you’d be amazed. Amazed.] he switched tactics and grabbed the empty squash court! This was a stroke of brilliance! It is brightly lighted with a giant glass wall and any sound you make is amplified. He the proceeded to do a kick-boxing show. His very own stage! And winner of my 2000 King Alpha Clown-pants award. Anyone with similar observations?

Jersey- Man, you got a knack for telling a story. You made my coffee break today!LMAO

one word- BEAUTIFUL! this post is pure genius. There are the clown-pants men at my gym, also. the worst is the steroid pumping monkey. he is not the loudest, but the most obnoxious. he is there ALL THE TIME! he has a personal training job there, I am guessing. cuz he is always instructing people with bad form to make it worse. he instructed one guy to do the lean and swing movement even on his warm-up lateral raises! The loudes clown is a "power lifter.’ in quotes cuz i dont think he really power lifts. he just slams the bar down on the mat, and then looks around like he has discovered fire. I dont think I have ever really seen him complete a lift. he swings it up just enough to slam it back down. man, they crack me up.

Let us know who wins the battle this year! cant wait to find out!

Oh damn, I have tears rolling down my face i am laughing so hard. That waa one of the funiest posts I have read ever. That was a briliant post.

TOOOO FUNNY :slight_smile:

Jersey: Funny AND true! Gotta question for 'ya, though. In our gym, there are still a couple of “NBA-short-shorts-from-the-70’s” wearing guys, with the obligatory headband, and yes, sometimes jewelry!

Now in Jersey these’s GOTTA still be some that exist!(Maybe the wanna-be Wise Guys?)

I spilled my protein shake all over my lap I laughed so hard! ;(

Yep. Got the ‘Wanna-Be-Wise Guys’ for sure. But I stay clear. It’s 'Jersey afterall and you never know… And yes, still some 70’s NBA shorts or those kind that Richard Simmons wears. Usually with a mullet. So true.

That was awesome. I think we all agree it’s funny because we all know THAT guy.

Here’s a suggestion. This year, when the winner of the 2001 King Alpha Clown-Pants championships emerges victorious, present him with one of those rainbow striped 'fro wigs. Don’t forget to stop by Burger King and pick up a carboard crown to complete the prize.

Toooo funny! Yeah, we have those guys at my gym too. I think it is so funny how they walk around the gym like they own it - even getting all huffy when someone is using equipment they want. I like to correct them on their form when no one else is around, just to see them glare at me - taking advice is a no no…but taking advice from a girl? HA HA! The other thing I like to do is to tell the 1/8 squat guys (while batting my eyes) that they can squat SOOOOO much - can they go all the way down with it??? Most make excuses why they won’t today, but one guy actually tried to without lowering the weight. I thought he was going to give birth before he was gonna make it back up again… I should know better than to do that…I could get the poor guys hurt…

hee hee, that’s some funny shit! There’s a guy at our gym who wears the same exact UNIFORM every day - he comes in wearing full combat fatigues! I’m talking about the army print pants, boots, vest, gloves, and sunglasses - oh yeah he chew’s snuff while he works out too. He scares me.

I almost pissed myself reading this one!. Thankfully, I now train at my office, but I ,miss those guys from time to time. Usually a twenty rep squat workout would calm them down. Oh what fun it was to out alpha them. 500lb+ dealifts also worked.

My eyes have seen it all. HE asked me if he can chew bubble gum while working out?!? HE asked me if I eat protein. HE asked me how much muscle he will gain from creatine. HE asked me about the spot reduction effect of numerous 2 degree off the mat ab crunches. Let’s admit it; gyms are a magnet for morons.

Yep, funny post! Jersey dude, you da man!

As long as we’re all on the subject, though, I have a serious question: what do you people think of wearing baggies to the gym? Now, I don’t mean CLOWN PATTERN baggies, just, say, straight black ones. I find that during certain times of the year they are the most comfortable thing to wear for some workouts. However, if the T-Mag crew tells me that this is absolutely on the Forbidden List, well, I may have to reconsider… -)

char: I may be getting bogged down in symantics, but i’ve always looked at a good ole’ pair of sweats as “baggies”. (Which is usually what i’ll wear). Sometimes a muscle/rag top with sweat bottoms. All comfortable…functional…and time tested!

Hey, semantics is my favorite game! Mufasa, I agree with you in the sense that sweats are “baggy”, but I’m talking about something else. Sweats are, after all, designed to make you, y’know, sweat. So the material is pretty heavy. But I’m talking about the loose, light-material pants that would be clown pants if they were colored like a big top, but are instead something more subdued. Are these also “out”? Enquiring minds want to know. Still, your point about sweats being about the ultimate in comfort is well-taken - which is why I prefer baggies during the warmer (but not hot) months.

Funny posts guys, I got this one clown pants guy at the gym. Only he’s about 70-80 years old and extremely skinny. He’s always going to people and trying to be their ‘personal trainers’ and impressing them by his usage of the words ‘hamstring’ and ‘pectoralis’. The bad thing is he’s got a small group of followers(cult) who listen to him and get workouts from him and think he’s some sort of demi-god. Now it’s nice he’s trying to help but his knowledge is arnold enyclopedia and musclemags. He once tried telling me how to squat! C’mon now. He told me the safety bars were too low if I ended up failing at the bottom, I told him I’d hit the bars before and if I put them up any higher I’d be unable to perform good form squats. As I listened to him and tried to convince him otherwise I found he wouldn’t have any of it so I simply turned around and started squatting, not waiting for him to finish talking. Haven’t had any problems with him since then.

Jersey Dude you rule!! Believe it or not, I have not seen clown pants in quite some time; however I have seen more of a wolf-in-sheeps-clothing aproach. A little harder to spot, but just as deadly. These guys all have the requisite weight belt, obligatory grunts and for some reason seem to all have a Ron Jeremy-esque mustache as well. And while we’re on that subject they all walk around with this intense strained look like they are in a cheesy porn flick stroking their cock about to say “oooh baby I’m gonna come!” I can understand grimacing during a set but really . . .

Extra points are given for wrist straps, lack of water bottle, more than a dozen tatoos and training with a girl with enormous implants who seemed to build her body with heroin. My favorite though is what I call the "Jackass Curl Club." Minimum of 135 lbs., bend forward at the waist and with an massive hip thrust "curl" the weight until elbows are pointing directly at the mirror. Oh dear god . . .

And oh yeah, Ironbabe, your post ruled too. Keep up the good work!!

So, do you have a problem with all baggies and the people who wear them or just the ones who “act” like they know what they’re doing? I wear baggies becasue I like them and since I live in the great white north, I can’t wear shorts year round. Sweats are either WAY too big since they’re made for obese hogs or they are way too tight for my legs.