Ha, fair enough. That's a bit different.
I'd still suggest starting that program I linked to above. It's a pretty straight forward three day-a-week plan (upper/lower split) that has "finishers" each day as a cardio component.
Stick with that for even a month or two, to get back into the swing of consistent lifting and (re)build a base, then we can reassess and decide the next step.
Nutrition-wise, I'd start with some general concepts to help get things in line. Either of these articles should give you enough info to get an idea of what to do:
Since the training and diet are still being figured out, there's no sense in going crazy with a ton of supplements.
The basics will be a fine start; A high quality protein like Metabolic Drive low carb for one or two shakes a day, some workout nutrition like Surge Recovery to better handle the demands of training, and maybe a quality fish oil like Flameout for all sorts of health benefits. You can find all of those in the store here: