Recap of OP's credentials and accomplishments:
-Has experience in training "UFC", kyukoshin (spelling?) karate, and krav maga
-Would have gone pro in boxing if it weren't for a broken knuckle
-Knows a guy who can get him a "tryout" for the UFC
-Elite athlete (Sixth man on his high school JV basketball team, got recruited by D1 schools)
-Top 5 "most alpha" male on T-Nation forums (how would one even go about quantifying this?)
-"Half" Jewish (apparently you can half-practice a religion)
-Has a physique like legendary bodybuilder Frank Zane
-Has trained in "IFBB" gyms
-Gets mad bitches from being a professional dunker
-Had a booth at the Arnold
-Apparently is connected with Greg Glassman, whom we all know is a renowned sports and fitness expert who operates based on sound scientific principles
-Able to squat over four times his bodyweight ATG without even training the squat; bikram yoga>everything
-Would "easily" win local bodybuilding contests despite being 6'1" weighing under 150 lbs...
Am I reading a T-Nation forum, watching a new Dos Equis "Most Interesting Man in the World" commercial, or reading "Overly Manly Man" memes?