really?? I’m always paranoid that I’m spamming. Sometimes I really want to chat with someone, but realized that I’ve been texting/messaging a lot so I’ll purposely ghost for a few days or at least set a limit
That’s kinda different. All guys like attention from females, single, married, Doesn’t matter. Feels good to get attention from females.
The texting thing might be a little different though idk
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hard to have in person interaction when the ppl you want to interact with live across the country and it’s COVID
You do that only AFTER you’ve planted the seeds and are waiting for the dude to make a move. 1,000 years of passive aggressive Chinese female emotional manipulation tactics due to the concubine system. It’s in your DNA.
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I call it reading too much Robert Cialdini 
Sorry for the derail
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Ironically, when a woman does this I’m instantly done. Purposely ghosting? I don’t play games. I’m very authentic in my interactions and only have time for people who are the same.
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Another victim of decadent Western propaganda. Embrace your roots. ALL MEN respond the same way.
/joke
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I’m not interested in them romantically, I just want to chat and don’t want to come off as spamming. I have significantly more free time than the ppl I talk to, so it’s usually me who initiates the conversation
I’d argue it’s on them to set boundaries then. I can’t control how others perceive me, only my own intentions. 99 times out of 100 though, I’m happy when someone wants to talk to me and makes it known.
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Troof!
I can’t stop laughing at the last part of this post.
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Don’t post much around here, but wanted to chime in. First, if you’re ANYTHING in real life like you are based off of that post, you’re a catch; Everything about that was charming.
Two, don’t overthink it. Everything you’re doing now is based off of thought, not necessarily reality. If you want to ask him out, do it. I’ve always been really flattered/impressed when a woman’s asked me out. If he’s not a total fruitbat, he will too. And, y’all are just going for a drink. There’s no need to get ahead of yourself and worry about “down the road”; You haven’t even started the car yet. You got this.
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Okay so I initiated another text and I am really getting the “I’m just not that into you vibe”.
It could be my insecurities talking or he could be not into me…
There was a sign outside his office that it would be closed until the 22nd so I was thinking he was on vacation and I could spark a conversation and maybe see if he had free time.
I was like " you on vacation? Whatcha doin? Tryin to relax?!?! Smiley emoji "
He said he just landed in Vancouver and I was like oh fun I hope you can go whale watching. And he just said me too and that was that.
That was on…Tuesday and today is Thursday and he hasn’t said anything more.
I just dont get the vibe I did at first that he liked me.
In all my history with guys I always had to do everything. I made all the moves with work guy based off the assumption that he was insecure, and uhg… im just wanting ONE instance where he tries even a little tear
Ok ill stop complaining, but I don’t know what I’m going to do yet…
What are his attitudes towards tech use?
Some ppl have quite strict rules about how much screen time they have on vacation or just don’t want to engage digitally regardless of who.
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Just thinking there is a good possibility that you both don’t want to seem desperate. Could be other things, but a possibility.
He responded. But was short in his reply. If he is not interested, he is being nice. That is a possibility too.
There isn’t enough here to make much of a conclusion. Couple of potential possibilities.
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Honestly, there’s also the landlord issue to consider. Speaking from my personal experience, I was always the person to recklessly rush in, but was very reserved, timid even, when there was a business consideration involved.
The way I see it, maybe he became aware afterwards that (unsuccessfully) hitting on someone as their landlord could get him labeled a creep or worse, and therefore decided to nip it in the bud after the initial flirting.
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Try being at peace with yourself. That will keep you busy for a while!
For real. Try being your own free standing entity for a while instead of throwing yourself at somebody the moment you enter a new situation.
This is exactly the type of behavior that ends up hurting in the long run.
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Dude no kidding. It’s bonkers how much thought people give these things, and how it seems like there needs to be some perfect approach to asking someone out. Life can be so much simpler when you allow it to be.
Girl likes guy? she should fucking ask him out. not in a weird roundabout way. just say hey, you wanna get a drink sometime? or whatever kind of date you prefer. Worst he can say is no, and you move on.
Guy likes girl? he should do the same.
This isn’t rocket science, and people seem to make it out to be that.
I will say, the longer you wait to make a move, the more awkward it CAN be. When you barely know someone (like here), there’s essentially no risk in making a move. Either you want to be his friend, or you want to date him. Don’t try to ride some silly line to hedge your bets. If he doesn’t want to date, find out now, not later. And if he doesn’t want to be friends afterward because you wanted to go on a date, he can fuck off. That would make him a loser. You don’t want to be friends with a loser.
Also: asking someone out isn’t desperate, period. It’s weird that anyone would even think that. It takes a fair degree of confidence to ask someone out in the first place.
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This is why I’ve always thought you should just be direct in this sort of interactions. With all due respect, I do not trust your vibe-detector.
Nothing about the interactions you described actually mean he’s not into you. They would be more likely indicative of: he’s busy in Vancouver, or he doesn’t really like texting, or he’s getting bored with this not going anywhere and you should REALLY make a move. It’s possible he’s getting the vibe you only want friendship and he’d prefer more. And if he thinks dating isn’t a thing you want, he might be mentally moving the fuck on. Just something to consider, and exactly why playing these games is a bad idea.
EDIT: other thing to consider, and why you probably would have to make the first move: he’s your landlord. He may feel it’s inappropriate to be the one to ask you out in that position. If I was in his position, I would absolutely have reservations about asking out a tenant. He’s in a position of power, and if he’s a decent dude, he would be very cautious about coming across as abusing that.
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I think the thing about guys doing the approaching, or the asking out thing almost all the time is only partially true. If a girl is attracted to a guy, she will initiate (or make it really easy for the guy to). Not all girls, but some certainly do. They successfully convey that they like the guy. Then it is usually up to the guy.
I guess I am just saying the whole thing that the guy initiates almost all the time is a myth. My wife was the one who approached me. Women at bars / parties initiate conversation all the time.
Spock, don’t think this is something you can’t do, because women don’t initiate. They do more often than people think IME.
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