I don't know anywhere else to post this, so I'm posting here. If I should submit in a different forum please let me know.
So, I guess I should get started with my story. Here's some background. I'm 19 years old and have been training for about 1.5 years, with only about 7 or 8 of those months being serious. I started out at around 160 lbs, 5 foot 10 inches. My beginning lifts were: bench-95, squat-125, deadlift-135. At the moment I weigh around 190 and lift 210 for bench, 330 squat, and 340 deadlift. My bodyfat levels ,however, are at least around 20 percent.
Around 5th grade, I began to feel pain in my left groin. It subsided and resurfaced every now and then in Middle school. I noticed that my left testicle had a wormy blob collecting around the testicle, while my right one didn't. I always felt weird about this, and somehow knew it wasn't normal, yet never said anything of it out of embarrassment.
Around 11th grade, I finally told my parents about it, and I was taken to the doctor. Turns out I had a varicocele that had developed in my left testicle. My doctor told me that nothing was wrong, many people got that, and there was little chance of infertility or anything, and so I went home and forgot about it. (Btw, to this date, my left testicle is smaller than my right)
Fastforward a couple years later to now. I'm 19 years old and fairly active, with a good diet. I have very little facial hair growing, and it's pathetic looking. My little sisters both have more arm hair than I do. I don't have the deepest voice. This has had me worrying that I have low testosterone. Ever since middle school, I've suffered from unexplainable depression and sadness, along with a total lack of motivation and drive.
Today I had an epiphany. Is it possible the varicocele around my left testicle is restricting blood flow to my teste, thereby hindering production of testosterone? I show all the signs of low testosterone. I'm not as assertive or "manly" as my peers, and I feel like I should have made much better gains in the gym than I have. I've really worked my ass off, and am weaker than some of my friends who have been training for less than I have.
I've been worrying for some time now that I may have to be on some sort of steroid for the rest of my life in order in to have normal testosterone levels. But with the realization that I have a varicocele, perhaps removing it will fix my problems? So with that in mind, here are my direct questions to you:
-Have you had a varicocele and was it operated on?
-Do testosterone levels return to normal after removing a varicocele?
tl;dr: Pretty much my dilemma is that I want to be big, strong, assertive, have a beard and not suffer from depression and anxiety. I also don't want to be infertile, which seems to result from having a varicocele. What can I do?