T Nation

Useless Talents


We all have 'em. Some catch ping-pong balls in their mouths, others can burp the alphabet, while a chosen few play Golden Tee as well as the very gods do.

Me? I have TWO useless talents (go me!).

The first is the legendary "Spit Trick". Upon consumption of a food or treat with suitable amounts of citric acid (certain Popsicles and frozen treats, some sodas, etc) my spit obtains elastic qualities previously unknown to modern man. I can pick up a quarter a foot or so below with a string of spit and bring it back up to my mouth.

The other? I do perfect Texas and Irish accents, despite being born and raised in SoCal.

It's nice to be able to do things that you'll never need in an emergency.


I can hit a nail with my erection and hammer it all the way in.

Wait, that isn't all that useless, now is it?


Im realy good at internet pool

there is NO cary over to real pool...


One talent to speak of that has never been matched:

I can swing a pair of nunchaku like nobodies business. I swear I can put the legendary Bruce Lee in his films to shame, since I am considered a novice and him an expert. That aside, I am faster and have more "tricks" than Beuce's movies showed which adds flare to a swing contest which is what the late master's movies consisted of....a lot of flare.

Don't call me on this and make me post a video.......cause I will and I really dont want to go thru the difficulty.

Other talents...Hmmmmmmm.....many, my user name may hint to another talent :slight_smile:


Post it. You know you want to.


I can roll a coin across my knuckles. I've been doing that since highschool.

I can also make my tongue into a "W" shape.

There are some other assorted talents there too. . .


I usedto be able to suck in my stomach so far in you would think i was a hindu yogi, but then later on i realized, i was just starving!


I cannot make a fist without my knuckles popping. My dad could do it and so could his. When I was like 5 or 6 I locked myself in a closet until I could do it. Now I can't help it.


I can crack my knuckles to infinity.

I can type at 80wpm which is useless considering the job I do.

I can hold a straight leg raise for about two minutes.


I've seen the future twice in my dreams. Nothing significant, but it happened.


I'm ambidextrous. It really doesn't help all too much.


I can perform routine arithmetic calculations faster than you could enter them into a calculator. I can consistently get the gold medal on every minicamp on every Madden in existence.


I'm really good at watching internet porn!


I can photoshop the shit out of something.

I can hit a nice banana hook or slice out of trouble! But that one isn't useless! GOD DAMN SWING FLAW!


I can make baloon animals. I can also fold napkins into three differnet shapes other than the traditional. I can also fold origami. Basically I needed something to do with my hands other than what I do when I'm watching internet porn.


I can belly dance


Me too!!! :slight_smile:
I also masturbate very well!

aside from those 2 talents in which i'm very very good at.. I am very observant.. i can look across a room and see who is into who.. when you tell me about a person over the phone, in which i've never met, i can stereotype the person and i'm usually right about them.. or like they say a girl knows with in the 1st 5 minutes if she will have sex with you. with in the 1st 5 minutes of meeting someone i can tell what kind of person they are.
so i guess that would mean i'm a very good judge of character i guess.. but i dont know how much of a talent that is..

i'll stick with the masturbation


I can give any woman multiple orgasms. Alas, this is a useless talent as I am married.


I can put a dime on the tip of my index finger and whip my arm around in circles, front to back, high to low, whatever direction and keep it there without using glue (just using the laws of physics).

Plus I'm a REALLY good shot at the range with pretty much any caliber. I just shot .45, .44mag .40, .357mag, 9mm and .22 and I just cut the bulleseyes out. I was folding out targets into 1/2 strips and cutting them in half from 50 ft.

I scored a 98/100 on my pistol qualification for the Sheriffs Dept. quite a few years ago. That included shooting from a draw, one knee, the hip, modified Weaver etc.


I can spin a basketball, tennis racket, or textbook on my finger.