i think the responses from people as to whether or not their upper back gets sore from deadlifting has a lot to do with what kind of weight they are pulling.
if i dont deadlift for a month or so, for whatever reason, my upper back is definitely sore for a couple of days.
even when deads are a regular part of whatever routine/program i am doing, they still make my upper back sore, along with my lower back, glutes, hams, etc.
i tend to think that if you are always trying to increase your load/reps/sets, your upper back is not going to become accustomed to it any more than the rest of your back/posterior chain will.
i think the best thing for you to do would be to find yourself a routine that allows you to hit the movements that you want to hit, in an order such that none of them takes away from the others…which IS easier said than done, but i would think it can be done.
you might seek out a conjugated template…something that you might find around WESTSIDE. i used a sample template from an article that Wendler put together at elitefts.com, simply switched squat focus/deadlift focus every two weeks. it was fun.