T Nation

Update To Cruising On 500mg T: Turns Out, I'm Bipolar

I don’t really mind sharing this as I believe it can help.

But, it turns out, I’m bipolar.

The significance of this is that massive amounts of testosterone (500mg) ran per week for a prolonged duration of time masked this condition. As I stepped down from 500mg per week to 250mg per week, the condition appeared to come out more and more. As such, I’m undergoing treatment specifically for that (or MDD).

It was harder to diagnose as I’m a non-respondent to SSRIs. I knew I had anxiety, so I was taking benzodiazepines for this.

My mood would shift up and down and I only attributed this to hormone levels as my highs weren’t extreme (hypomania) to say that it’s for certain “mainia” was what I was experiencing. However, my lows would be a little saddened to rock bottom, with the latter only appearing once a year and then shortening to twice a year recently as it went untreated for so long.

I’ve always attributed these ‘downs’ to seasonal depression as my downs were really around Christmas, well, for life; and, I just dealt with them. But I had to address something as these downs appeared more frequently.

I just been masking BPD with hormone ‘treatment’.

Now that I know I have low T and low HGH, I can supplement those. With knowing that I am BPD, I can treat that. A line for me of abusing pharma (doing stacks, etc. in the future) is to also be aware that I do have BPD though.

So, I’m still running 250mg/wk and 1/2 iu HGH. HGH is because I am HGH deficient as well – it looks like my pituitary crapped out on me without cancer. HGH was nice because a couple months after running it, my entire muscles reshaped and ‘filled in’ and my skin got tighter too.

Just posting this as a follow-up as I’ve been essentially running 1/2 gram T per week as a ‘cruise’ for like almost 5 years now(?). I’m not dead yet and still convinced 500mg wouldn’t have killed me; however, I will only be using this dose and more to cycle going forward while ‘cruising’ on ~250mg to treat hypogonadism.

3 Likes

Well, I don’t know much about bipolar… but I can relate, I guess, cuz I did something similar.

I used to cruise on T 500mg and feel alpha at first I really liked it and it felt good, but then the water retention and e2 was out of whack for sure, I had to eat adex 0.5mg 5-6 times per week, so lots of ups & downs.

I then decided to do 300mg test and it felt sh*t, I thought I’m not as cool anymore wtf, I added in deca 300mg and it was ok, but almost got gyno and felt like a girl for real, I mean it changed me and I even started acting girly… I quit deca and omg the bloat was there for like 2-3 months, I then switched to equipoise and shit got way better, I felt good again and looked good.

I finally decided to just cruise on 200mg test and I felt like less of a man and the strength went down and the pump was not the same and everything felt just more normal and not enhanced, it was a bit depressing.

Then after sometime on 200mg I got kinda used to this more normal me and out of nowhere people where saying “man you look jacked up, those arms are looking good…” and girls and complimented me often and attention from them was increased for sure… I thought wtf on 500 or on 300 nobody gave me this kind of positive attention/compliments and now when I barely train as hard as I used to and use only 200 I look better???

Turns out after some time, I really started liking myself better on lower dose, people kept telling me how I don’t look puffy in my face anymore and that I have way nicer skin and everything and I was way better with girls.

So, what I can say is that more is not always better is true and sometimes you have to go through tough times to realize it, but for me it did work for the better and I really like myself better now.

Idk if this helped you man, but you know let it go you know, ask yourself if you wanna be this enhanced beast and is it really you on 500mg test? I know it wasn’t really me and I’m happy I’m not on 500 or even 300 test anymore. :slight_smile:

I just post this as I’ve read so many times that people with mental health issues should not do T or cycle.

I think it’s important for people to be aware of what T/estrogen can do so they can separate those symptoms from their mental health, but I don’t think it’s necessarily a “no way” for those suffering from MH issues, just be cautionary of them. They should also know that perhaps they can have them already and that T can surely mask them and even make them worse (in my case, I left bipolar untreated for so long that the cycles moved closer together).

Tend to agree, using anything as a crutch to mask clinical mental illness tends to lead to a net negative outcome.

I’ve taken steroids, albeit never as high as 500mg/wk. I have MDD, I had MDD prior to trying anything

Anecdotally I don’t believe using made things worse or better for that matter…

Life is complex, I extend my sympathies regarding your circumstances and wish you the best of luck.

3 Likes

I think it depends on the mental illness.
I suffered from extreme depression/mental breakdown 7 years ago.
Turned out my naddy TT was 173ng/dL.
125mg/w of T cyp cured my depression completely.

Understandable, this is in the context of therapeutic replacement for a deficiency in testosterone.

Supraphysiological dosages of androgens induce neurological alterations that can induce or exacerbate underlying mental illness.

The concept of androgen mediated neurotoxicity is an interesting read, though the data is still in its infancy.

1 Like

High levels of T and AAS’s could blow anyone’s mind up. It’s part of the gamble.

1 Like

Thanks. I do believe that it may have been masking my true diagnosis as I couldn’t see the ‘highs’ until I weaned off T a bit. On mood stabilizers and everything seems to be alright as of now.

Oh, yeah, of course. But people recommend against it for something as mild as depression. You should be very aware of hormonal imbalances that may seem to “worsen” depression and definitely take it into consideration… but to straight up say NO is not going to help anyone. The user above me has MDD and I had MDD and now bipolar. We’re still kicking it on gear so I think it has to do with the individual not being self-aware as to why things go badly so quick.

I already knew about the depression part so I could handle it quite well. I just never had the appropriate treatment so nothing worked and I just had to deal with it. I guess I’m just not respondent to SSRIs with MDD, or, I have bipolar and the T masked the highs. My latest diagnosis is off the books, but it makes more sense and mood stabilizers have helped over anything.

I’d say that’s a blunt statement to make without anything credible behind it. Hormones would play the role with thinking, but I believe it’s far from being neurological. If you can separate the two, you’re good to go. Being undiagnosed is the gamble you’re taking if you are going in blind though.

??? There’s plenty of credibility behind his statement

Have you read the 1000000 tren horror stories available on various boards? Also, the clinical data (experimental models) represent a solid body of evidence suggestive steroids can really screw people up.