I don’t really mind sharing this as I believe it can help.
But, it turns out, I’m bipolar.
The significance of this is that massive amounts of testosterone (500mg) ran per week for a prolonged duration of time masked this condition. As I stepped down from 500mg per week to 250mg per week, the condition appeared to come out more and more. As such, I’m undergoing treatment specifically for that (or MDD).
It was harder to diagnose as I’m a non-respondent to SSRIs. I knew I had anxiety, so I was taking benzodiazepines for this.
My mood would shift up and down and I only attributed this to hormone levels as my highs weren’t extreme (hypomania) to say that it’s for certain “mainia” was what I was experiencing. However, my lows would be a little saddened to rock bottom, with the latter only appearing once a year and then shortening to twice a year recently as it went untreated for so long.
I’ve always attributed these ‘downs’ to seasonal depression as my downs were really around Christmas, well, for life; and, I just dealt with them. But I had to address something as these downs appeared more frequently.
I just been masking BPD with hormone ‘treatment’.
Now that I know I have low T and low HGH, I can supplement those. With knowing that I am BPD, I can treat that. A line for me of abusing pharma (doing stacks, etc. in the future) is to also be aware that I do have BPD though.
So, I’m still running 250mg/wk and 1/2 iu HGH. HGH is because I am HGH deficient as well – it looks like my pituitary crapped out on me without cancer. HGH was nice because a couple months after running it, my entire muscles reshaped and ‘filled in’ and my skin got tighter too.
Just posting this as a follow-up as I’ve been essentially running 1/2 gram T per week as a ‘cruise’ for like almost 5 years now(?). I’m not dead yet and still convinced 500mg wouldn’t have killed me; however, I will only be using this dose and more to cycle going forward while ‘cruising’ on ~250mg to treat hypogonadism.