T Nation

Unwritten Rules of Men

Today at school,some fucker keyed my car. I was so pissed off that I was walking around with a baseball bat I keep in the trunk looking for that son of a bitch. It got me thinking of the scene of Pulp Fiction:

Lance: Still got your Malibu?
Vincent: Aw, man. You know what some fucker did the other day?
Lance: What?
Vincent: Fucking keyed it.
Lance: Oh, man, that’s fucked up.
Vincent: Tell me about it. I had it in storage for three years, it was out for five days and some dickless piece of shit fucked with it.
Lance: They should be fucking killed. No trial, no jury, straight to execution.
Vincent: Boy, I wish I could’ve caught him doing it. I’d have given anything to catch that asshole doing it. It’d been worth him doing it just so I could’ve caught him doing it.
Lance: What a fucker!
Vincent: What’s more chickenshit than fucking with a man’s automobile? I mean, don’t fuck with another man’s vehicle.
Lance: You don’t do it.
Vincent: It’s just against the rules.

And I got to thinking “Ya know…this IS against the unwritten rules” So what are rules or guidelines that all men should follow?

Ill start,Rule #1:
You don’t Fuck with another mans Vehicle.

#2. Don’t fuck with another mans wife.

Don’t fuck with another man’s food or beer.

Don’t fuck another man

Don’t look down and over at the urinal

Don’t fuck with another mans family(instant death penalty).

DO NOT touch the sliders on another man’s equalizer.

Don’t drink another man’s beer while fucking his wife in his vehicle, unless he had previously looked down and over at you at the urinal…then it’s OK, just make sure your belt buckle doesn’t wreck the upholstery.

Don’t use more than one square of toilet paper.

[quote]jp_dubya wrote:
Don’t fuck another man[/quote]

I think this should be number one.

Don’t fuck with another man’s “personal living quarters”.

Ie, women: I dont want to get rid of my Lazy Boy sof, Yes I like listening to loud music while air guitaring/drumming to it and NO I wont compromise over my 60 inch plasma screen. Yes. it’s neccessary and no, coordinated tea towels are not.

jeeze.

Don’t fuck with another man’s driving music.

Christina Aguilera is not accetable music to be played full blast when cruising through the streets with your windows down.

Run DMC/Guns N Roses/Bruce Springsteen is.

[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
Don’t use more than one square of toilet paper.[/quote]

Surely dont use more than one roll. Maybe a minimum of 20 squares should be enforced.

``don’t ever touch a black man’s radio’’

If you go through the trouble or preparing all your meals for the next two days, and storing them in the fridge, and your room mate eats any of them, then you are expected to ask him to find a new place to live.

–JB

I remember when my car got keyed three weeks after I got it. “Pissed off” doesn’t do the hatred flowing through my veins at that time justice. I wish I had caught the fucker too, but on the plus side, I’m not in jail for homicide right now.

[quote]mr_slick wrote:
Today at school,some fucker keyed my car. I was so pissed off that I was walking around with a baseball bat I keep in the trunk looking for that son of a bitch. It got me thinking of the scene of Pulp Fiction:

Lance: Still got your Malibu?
Vincent: Aw, man. You know what some fucker did the other day?
Lance: What?
Vincent: Fucking keyed it.
Lance: Oh, man, that’s fucked up.
Vincent: Tell me about it. I had it in storage for three years, it was out for five days and some dickless piece of shit fucked with it.
Lance: They should be fucking killed. No trial, no jury, straight to execution.
Vincent: Boy, I wish I could’ve caught him doing it. I’d have given anything to catch that asshole doing it. It’d been worth him doing it just so I could’ve caught him doing it.
Lance: What a fucker!
Vincent: What’s more chickenshit than fucking with a man’s automobile? I mean, don’t fuck with another man’s vehicle.
Lance: You don’t do it.
Vincent: It’s just against the rules.

And I got to thinking “Ya know…this IS against the unwritten rules” So what are rules or guidelines that all men should follow?

Ill start,Rule #1:
You don’t Fuck with another mans Vehicle.[/quote]

How do you know a man keyed your car. Were you really going to hit the person with a bat?

Here’s a couple of rules:

Nothing you own is worth killing over.

Really, it’s just a car.

Think about the consequences of your actions.

Act like a man, not a caveman.

Don’t spend a lot of money on a car and then you won’t be all that upset if some idiot does something to it.

[quote]Khronos wrote:
Don’t spend a lot of money on a car and then you won’t be all that upset if some idiot does something to it. [/quote]

This is goooood knowledge.

its the principle of the thing, its not that he fucked up his car, its that he was fucking with him. it reminids me aof a quote from anotehr movie, SLC Punk; “its not that i get pissed becasue they are calling me a fag, I get pissed because they’re giving me shit; i know i’m not gay, the ladies know i’m not gay, but these ass holes are giving me shit about somehting that isn’t true, and thats not cool”

its the principle of it, someone fucked with his shit, thats not cool.