T Nation

Unmarried Couples Living Together


#1

My cousin and his baby momma live together with their 3 year old daughter. He's 24 and i think shes the same age as him. Anyway my grandparents (also his grandparents) are hardcore pentecostal christians and think they are "living in sin" because they arent married. They really didnt approve of him having a baby out of marriage, but they still love her because its stil their great grandchild.

I personally dont think it matters at all and dont see anything wrong with it. I think they should get married if and when they want to. I dont think my cousin should move out over a silly outdated principle. Whats anyone elses opinion on he subject?


#2

Do what makes you happy.

I've been with my lady for 14 years, and we are'nt married. It seems to worry other people more than it worries us.


#3

I would never, ever in a million years marry someone I didn't live with for at least a couple years.


#4

Exactly.

I live with my girlfriend and we're not married. It's just another stupid fucking religion-based "law" that people blindly adhere to.

A friend of mine dated his fiance for 2 years before they got a place together, his brother passed away 2 years ago and he now lives with her back in SA. His mom is also a hardcore Christian and didn't approve. Needless to say, they no longer talk very much.


#5

Organized religion has been giving people reasons to judge and hate others for quite a while now. (not to mention being a key factor for MOST of the misery on our planet - past and present THINK ABOUT IT)

It's a free country. Your cousin and his baby mama should find happiness in whatever form they choose.


#6

Point #2. Another friend of mine just got married to a girl he's actually dated for less than a year, he's 21 or 22 I think. They haven't even LIVED TOGETHER before, and they got married.

Only me and another friend that told him he's an idiot to rush into it, while everyone else is congratulating him. I bet they don't make it 3 years.


#7

Unmarried, living with my girlfriend.

Guess that answers your question?


#8

agreed. maybe not that long. I will have lived with my fiance/gf for 1.5 yrs before we get married


#9

I lived with my first wife before we got married, and it still didn't work out. I think you should at least be able to get a gage on how the person's personality at home or with another person is going to be.

I think though if you're going to live with the person for longer than a few months then you should be ready to get married. If you have been living with somebody for years on end and still don't want to get married you're not in love with the person. You just like the convenience of having a live in girlfriend.


#10

#11

Errr. Actually. No.

My other half and I are as comitted, if not more so than alot of couples we know. Half the people I know who got married, are now divorced. A wedding ring would change nothing in our lives, so why bother??


#12

X2


#13

Great support, sounds like he's a good friend of yours.

I think it's their own choices, there is some people that can do it and who can't. Most of the reason today why things go south is because Men are pansy's and women think that if they are not obsessed about someone they are no really "in love".


#14

I'm always amazed by how closed minded people are on both sides of the religion debate. Of course all you hear about are hardcore Christians, thumping Bibles and condemning to hell. Yet, there are so many non believers that won't give anything a chance usually because they've had a bad experience with a person or people.

Believe it or not everyone is living in some form of sin and nobody's is better than anyone else's. I've been on both sides of the debate, but it's no coincidince that living by a faith and word prevents a LOT of problems most people have. It's ultimately up to each person to decide that for him or herself though.


#15

He still has our support, even though we don't agree with his decision.


#16

As long as they are happy, it shouldn't matter. Shame on those who use religion to judge. Stay away from organized religions, they are nothing but bad news unless you just want social support and networking.
"Organized religion has been giving people reasons to judge and hate others for quite a while now. (not to mention being a key factor for MOST of the misery on our planet - past and present THINK ABOUT IT)" X 10!!!!!!

Was married 15yrs, lived together for about a year before, dated 2 before that. Should have known better, I was young and dumb. Am paying for it with alimony now and very bitter about supporting a lazy slug. Something else your cousin should pay attention to is that he has lived with her for so long it is basically a "common law marraige", so if they ever separate, there is a standard of living, joint assets etc. Not that they will go down that road and it sounds like they are happy and committed so it shouldn't matter. But if they didn't get married, methinks there is a small part of them that says,"someday it just might not work out."

One possible benefit from marraige as I am now finding out is financial rewards that have been institutionalized from insurance breaks to tax breaks, additional pays (in military there is a family separation allowance). I am with someone now, but will never marry again. As a result, it costs somewhat financially.

Good luck to them and you.


#17

What a genius, who needs a contract?

Of course when kids are involved then stability is important.

I guess most women feel foolish if they live with a man too long without being married. It's like they are giving it away without a down payment. It's not like there's a limited supply of V. On the other hand men seem to get better with age, providing they don't get fat and women don't seem to age as gracefully. So maybe beauty is the finite resource they don't want to waste?


#18

Lol, I think you're mistaking love with lust and marriage with sex.


#19

That makes sense, at least you'll get a feel of what it'll be like, so you wont have any surprises.


#20

My cousin was staying with my grandparents before him and his girlfriend moved in together. My grandmother had so many pointless rules. For instance, he's an adult that has a child, yet he had to be in the house every night by ten o' clock. The only acceptable reason for coming in later than that was if he was coming back from church, had a night job, or if he was at all night prayer (i shit you not)!

I love my grandparents but I couldnt live with them, at least not for long, it would have to be temporary if it ever happened.