T Nation

Unknown Transexuality & Relationship


#1

I was watching Jerry Springer on youtube. There is a story about a guy meeting a good looking woman, being in a relationship and having sexual intercourse. He is happy about it. Turn out that the woman was born a man. Every man on the show didn't want a relationship anymore. It doesn't matter if the show is real or not.

Now if you don't know that your spouse was once a man and that the surgery is so well done you wouldn't be able to find out by yourself, does it make a difference?


#2

Are his pecs better than mine? What about the quads?


#3

Relationship is over.

  1. He lied to me.
  2. Just ewwww

#4

It’s all over but the crying

games


#5

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
Relationship is over.

  1. He lied to me.

[/quote]

This. Can’t trust the person.

Plus these “transformations” carry with them an amount of emotional baggage I’m not willing to deal with at this point in my life.


#6

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
Relationship is over.

  1. He lied to me.
  2. Just ewwww
    [/quote]

Well he is now a women, he just didn’t tell you he was once a man. Do you have to tell everything to everyone about your past?

If you were perfectly happy before you knew it and attracted to the person, is it justified to be disgusted now.

Are transexuals denied love just because they are transexual?

I am not saying I wouldn’t be disgusted, just food for thought.


#7

[quote]jasmincar wrote:
Do you have to tell everything to everyone about your past?
[/quote]

No, but it is required to hit the big picture, and really being a man in drag* is such a point.

  • Yes, a guy who had a chopadickoffame is still a man. A butchered and troubled man, but still a man.

#8

I think it is reason to be shocked and maybe feel uncomfortable or unsure at first, but to pull a 180 thought-wise just because of this information is a clear sign of insecurity. I do think this type of information should be disclosed early on in a relationship. Honesty is paramount.


#9

[quote]Aero51 wrote:
I think it is reason to be shocked and maybe feel uncomfortable or unsure at first, but to pull a 180 thought-wise just because of this information is a clear sign of insecurity. [/quote]

No. Just no.

To find out something of this magnitude, and to have it alter your attraction to a person (which I imagine is a typical and normal response) has nothing to do with insecurity.


#10

[quote]Aero51 wrote:
I think it is reason to be shocked and maybe feel uncomfortable or unsure at first, but to pull a 180 thought-wise just because of this information is a clear sign of insecurity. I do think this type of information should be disclosed early on in a relationship. Honesty is paramount. [/quote]

Question: if a relationship is based on trust and communication, then how is it insecurity when you no longer are able to trust this person due to lack of communication? That is essentially the issue is it not?

The post-op (wo)man failed to communicate a vital bit of biological information to their significant other and the S.O. is expected to what? understand? If they do not understand and forgive (initially mind you. We do not know what happened the next day, month, year down the road after the reveal) they are insecure?

If anything, the failure to communicate this, what should be basic, information to their sig. other shows insecurity on the (wo)man’s part, not the other way around.

It’s completely reasonable and understandable for the boyfriend to have a complete reversal of feelings towards this person who, essentially, deceived them for x amount of time. Again, we do not have the “where are they now” story and there may have been a level of forgiveness we are unaware of. As far as the initial reactions, completely reasonable and expected.


#11

It’s more than reasonable to be pissed when someone lies to you.


#12

Any Coronation Street fans will remember the ruckus when Hayley finally confessed to Roy that she was transgender. What a hullaballoo that caused. Of course that was back in '98 and they’re still together so who knows? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hayley_Cropper


#13

Oh I don’t agree with lying, but I wouldn’t be flipping a shit if I was in that situation. I think it would hurt more to get broken up with or cheated on TBH.

And I don’t know if I would even consider it lying. That is a pretty private thing to tell somebody. Certainly not something you divulge on a first date, but don’t put off for a year.


#14

[quote]Aero51 wrote:
Oh I don’t agree with lying, but I wouldn’t be flipping a shit if I was in that situation. I think it would hurt more to get broken up with or cheated on TBH.

And I don’t know if I would even consider it lying. That is a pretty private thing to tell somebody. Certainly not something you divulge on a first date, but don’t put off for a year. [/quote]

You write some real head scratchers Aero…


#15

[quote]Aero51 wrote:
Oh I don’t agree with lying, but I wouldn’t be flipping a shit if I was in that situation. I think it would hurt more to get broken up with or cheated on TBH.

And I don’t know if I would even consider it lying. That is a pretty private thing to tell somebody. Certainly not something you divulge on a first date, but don’t put off for a year. [/quote]

Absolutely. It’s definitely not ice-breaking material.


#16

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]Aero51 wrote:
Oh I don’t agree with lying, but I wouldn’t be flipping a shit if I was in that situation. I think it would hurt more to get broken up with or cheated on TBH.

And I don’t know if I would even consider it lying. That is a pretty private thing to tell somebody. Certainly not something you divulge on a first date, but don’t put off for a year. [/quote]

You write some real head scratchers Aero… [/quote]

He’s a youngun. I remember some of my posts 10 yrs ago


#17

[quote]polo77j wrote:

Absolutely. It’s definitely not ice-breaking material.[/quote]

Lot’s of different ways to handle this, but I think I’d approach it differently.

If I underwent the change, I’d tell potential dates straight up: “Look, just so you know, I underwent gender reassignment surgery some years ago. Lots of people don’t care, but I know it’s a deal breaker for some. If it’s a deal breaker for you, let’s just cancel our date now rather than waste each other’s time. What do you say?”

Not entirely the same thing, but when I started dating again after my divorce, I told the women I was dating that I had a vasectomy usually around the third date or a few days after sleeping together if it seemed that we were into each other. That put the kibosh on quite a few relationships, but if not then, then when?


#18

[quote]polo77j wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]Aero51 wrote:
Oh I don’t agree with lying, but I wouldn’t be flipping a shit if I was in that situation. I think it would hurt more to get broken up with or cheated on TBH.

And I don’t know if I would even consider it lying. That is a pretty private thing to tell somebody. Certainly not something you divulge on a first date, but don’t put off for a year. [/quote]

You write some real head scratchers Aero… [/quote]

He’s a youngun. I remember some of my posts 10 yrs ago[/quote]

I developed selective amnesia to forget my early 20s…


#19

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:

[quote]polo77j wrote:

Absolutely. It’s definitely not ice-breaking material.[/quote]

Lot’s of different ways to handle this, but I think I’d approach it differently.

If I underwent the change, I’d tell potential dates straight up: “Look, just so you know, I underwent gender reassignment surgery some years ago. Lots of people don’t care, but I know it’s a deal breaker for some. If it’s a deal breaker for you, let’s just cancel our date now rather than waste each other’s time. What do you say?”

Not entirely the same thing, but when I started dating again after my divorce, I told the women I was dating that I had a vasectomy usually around the third date or a few days after sleeping together if it seemed that we were into each other. That put the kibosh on quite a few relationships, but if not then, then when?
[/quote]

After spending a year trying to get pregnant of course. I mean, what’s the big deal?


#20

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
if not then, then when?
[/quote]

This, dont waste someones time withholding significant information.