T Nation

Ummm... Is Mr. Cupcake there... please?

So the scene was set. I was nervous, sweaty palms, dry mouth, butterflies. Well, the butterflies could have been from the actual butterflies I had been snacking on, but who knows. I picked up the receiver and then immediately forced it back down in the cradle. “Darn it” I said outloud, “I have to decide what to say and what about my voice? I can’t very well call Cupcake for the first time and not be prepared. What if my voice cracks, what if I say something stupid and he laughs and tells everyone at school. Wait, wrong story.” So I started practicing in front of the mirror.

“Hello, is Cupcake there?” I stated in a deep booming voice. Too much I thought. Too much, too soon. I didn’t want to frighten him off, no that would be awful. I might never get another chance, so this has to be just perfect.

“Hello, good evening, is Mr Cupcake at home by any chance?” Now that sounded just plain silly and to top it off, I had started developing a nervous twitch in my lower lip. Things weren’t going well.

Then an idea came to me, hitting me over the head like the pink 2 pound dumbbells I use for my heavy bench day. Practice some back and forth dialogue. “Hey homey, whassup, Cake? You da man.” “Hey CGB, I am so excited to finally be talking to you oh great one. You have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear your voice.” “Yeah, that’s how it will go,” I thought, as I practiced my most muscular in the mirror. “Nothing dear,” I shouted to my girlfriend who by this time was wondering what in the hell I was doing in the bathroom talking to myself. But I digress.

So to the phone I went, all confident and suave, casual walk, smooth chatter with the girlfriend. This was going to be good.

“Hello, would Jeff be there please? Oh, he isn’t, ok. How do I know Jeff? Ummm… I met him online… no I mean I know him from lifting weights??? Yeah, he sure is swell. I think. There was this one time… Oh, he’s in the garden watering his daffodils? No, that’s ok. I’ll just call him back tomorrow, it’s not important. Bye bye Mrs. Cupcake.”