Be sure to find yourself a good, non-organic, non-grain fed, hormone saturated bird. Stuff the turkey like you normally would, but don’t remove the innards, so the belly gets all big. Be sure to dose heavily on Nubian or E before getting near the oven, cause that thing can be mighty hot. Make sure your crustly old grandpa will be on hand to remind everyone how he invented Christmas and patented turkey cooking, and to proclaim you the best turkey cook around, everyone in the room isn’t really into your fat gut style of turkey preparation.
You forgot to mention that it doesn’t matter whether the turkey is male or female as they look the same anyway.
LOL Timmy! You forgot to mention that when it’s all done, you drop to the ground crying!