T Nation

Trying to Get My Life Together, Any Advice is Welcomed

OP - my advice is to be honest and open to criticism in this forum. Ask tons and tons of questions. A lot of people here are well experienced, intelligent and accomplished in life; i.e. some of the most well rounded individuals I’ve come across on the 'net and the fact the they’re (we’re) willing to dedicate time to helping perfect, faceless strangers better themselves is like a diamond in the rough, dude.

Based on your initial posts (which are extremely limited and I’ll probably eat my words later), you seem like you are at least mentally well adjusted which is a start. A lot of new, young posters seeking life advice tend to get defensive when confronted with, what we perceive, to be reality - so, again, be honest and open to criticism and, honestly, THINK about any and all advice offered, here and anywhere really regardless of who it comes from.

Thus far there’s been a few really good posts and my advice echos some of those sentiments; no matter which path you choose, choose it because it is what will or does make you happy and DO NOT EXPECT IMMEDIATE GRATIFICATION. Most good things do not come easy and require a lot of work. Do the work. Do your best and go past it in all you do (even if you think it’s a bunch of bullshit and pointless - give it your best effort and don’t give up until it’s done whatever it is).

[quote]polo77j wrote:
OP - my advice is to be honest and open to criticism in this forum. Ask tons and tons of questions. A lot of people here are well experienced, intelligent and accomplished in life; i.e. some of the most well rounded individuals I’ve come across on the 'net and the fact the they’re (we’re) willing to dedicate time to helping perfect, faceless strangers better themselves is like a diamond in the rough, dude.

Based on your initial posts (which are extremely limited and I’ll probably eat my words later), you seem like you are at least mentally well adjusted which is a start. A lot of new, young posters seeking life advice tend to get defensive when confronted with, what we perceive, to be reality - so, again, be honest and open to criticism and, honestly, THINK about any and all advice offered, here and anywhere really regardless of who it comes from.

Thus far there’s been a few really good posts and my advice echos some of those sentiments; no matter which path you choose, choose it because it is what will or does make you happy and DO NOT EXPECT IMMEDIATE GRATIFICATION. Most good things do not come easy and require a lot of work. Do the work. Do your best and go past it in all you do (even if you think it’s a bunch of bullshit and pointless - give it your best effort and don’t give up until it’s done whatever it is).[/quote]

That’s exactly why I came here! I use to browse other forums but never posted (like the misc section on BB) but never did post. I somehow found TNation on google and looked at some of the posts and was amazed at how supportive everyone here is for each other.

I’m definitely in it for the long haul, I just don’t know what I like man! Like that’s the biggest reason I quit school, I had no direction and I was depressed at the time. I always scored high in my technology classes in high school but when I actually started coding or whatever I couldn’t stand it. Maybe that was the depression talking, who knows.

I think my biggest priority right now is getting started on the weight loss, being addicted to fast food doesn’t make that easy but I’m ready for the start. It will be the first time in my life that I was in decent shape and looked good, not meaning to brag but I still pull decent girls even in the shape I’m currently in. I can only imagine what it would be like if I was actually physically attractive…

People want to achieve stuff.

If you play video games you can rack up points or kills or legendary items or league championships, or whatever else you’re in to. You feel like you achieved something. But all you did was kick it by yourself. And get better at using the controller.

If you gamble, you either achieve and win or lose something “real,” money. Real results and feedback! Plus you get the experience of getting better at poker or pool or golf or horseshoes or picking football games. And you interacted with another person, or a group of people. Maybe you even went outside.

Drinking beer is good for young men because milk is for babies.

“Decide how you want to live and then see what you can do to make a living within that way of life.”

Not being fat should be the easiest part of life.

“Decide how you want to live and then see what you can do to make a living within that way of life.”

Not being fat should be the easiest part of life.

[quote]NotD wrote:

[quote]polo77j wrote:
OP - my advice is to be honest and open to criticism in this forum. Ask tons and tons of questions. A lot of people here are well experienced, intelligent and accomplished in life; i.e. some of the most well rounded individuals I’ve come across on the 'net and the fact the they’re (we’re) willing to dedicate time to helping perfect, faceless strangers better themselves is like a diamond in the rough, dude.

Based on your initial posts (which are extremely limited and I’ll probably eat my words later), you seem like you are at least mentally well adjusted which is a start. A lot of new, young posters seeking life advice tend to get defensive when confronted with, what we perceive, to be reality - so, again, be honest and open to criticism and, honestly, THINK about any and all advice offered, here and anywhere really regardless of who it comes from.

Thus far there’s been a few really good posts and my advice echos some of those sentiments; no matter which path you choose, choose it because it is what will or does make you happy and DO NOT EXPECT IMMEDIATE GRATIFICATION. Most good things do not come easy and require a lot of work. Do the work. Do your best and go past it in all you do (even if you think it’s a bunch of bullshit and pointless - give it your best effort and don’t give up until it’s done whatever it is).[/quote]

That’s exactly why I came here! I use to browse other forums but never posted (like the misc section on BB) but never did post. I somehow found TNation on google and looked at some of the posts and was amazed at how supportive everyone here is for each other.

I’m definitely in it for the long haul, I just don’t know what I like man! Like that’s the biggest reason I quit school, I had no direction and I was depressed at the time. I always scored high in my technology classes in high school but when I actually started coding or whatever I couldn’t stand it. Maybe that was the depression talking, who knows.

I think my biggest priority right now is getting started on the weight loss, being addicted to fast food doesn’t make that easy but I’m ready for the start. It will be the first time in my life that I was in decent shape and looked good, not meaning to brag but I still pull decent girls even in the shape I’m currently in. I can only imagine what it would be like if I was actually physically attractive…
[/quote]

You’re 21 (I believe) so you’re still a youngin. Do not try to make all the changes you want to make all at once. A successful approach to bettering yourself is figuring out how and where you want to be at the end (say a 5 year plan) and start with one thing at a time (diet for instance). Dial that in first, get used to eating better (more veggies and lean meats, less processed shit) and cooking/preparing the meals for yourself.

Once that gets easy and you have it pretty much dialed in, work on getting stronger. Pick a time of day you feel you’d be most successful in keeping as your gym time (mine’s 5am or first thing in the a.m.). Once you have that dialed in, start on something else. Baby steps man. Focus on one big change at a time until it’s engrained in your life.

I was largely directionless when I was 18/19 and joined the Air Force. I’m not suggesting you do that, but it was an option for me considering the rut I was in after high school. It gave me time to experience life and figure out what I’m passionate about and the means, once my enlistment was up, to pursue my academic goals and discipline to excel. Again, that’s my experience, do what you feel will work for you to set you up to be continually successful throughout life.

The fun part is figuring it out. Best advice I can give is to try everything. Expect to suck at first but don’t give up. Just keep doing and learn from your mistakes. Losers are those who stop trying.

I’ve spent the last 6 or so months learning how to cook and it’s honestly been one of the best investments in myself I’ve ever made. I’m able to prepare pretty damn delicious foods that are far healthier than if I had grabbed take out and spend less money doing it.

I’d seriously recommend learning to cook. The book that inspired me (which is FAR more than just cooking - he describes the whole learning process and is just a really exciting book filled with cool information) is The 4 Hour Chef by Tim Ferris. The other book I’d recommend is The Flavor Bible by Karen Page and Andrew Dornenburg, but I’d recommend that as your second book.

The Rational Male is another great blog to follow.

[quote]polo77j wrote:

[quote]NotD wrote:

[quote]polo77j wrote:
OP - my advice is to be honest and open to criticism in this forum. Ask tons and tons of questions. A lot of people here are well experienced, intelligent and accomplished in life; i.e. some of the most well rounded individuals I’ve come across on the 'net and the fact the they’re (we’re) willing to dedicate time to helping perfect, faceless strangers better themselves is like a diamond in the rough, dude.

Based on your initial posts (which are extremely limited and I’ll probably eat my words later), you seem like you are at least mentally well adjusted which is a start. A lot of new, young posters seeking life advice tend to get defensive when confronted with, what we perceive, to be reality - so, again, be honest and open to criticism and, honestly, THINK about any and all advice offered, here and anywhere really regardless of who it comes from.

Thus far there’s been a few really good posts and my advice echos some of those sentiments; no matter which path you choose, choose it because it is what will or does make you happy and DO NOT EXPECT IMMEDIATE GRATIFICATION. Most good things do not come easy and require a lot of work. Do the work. Do your best and go past it in all you do (even if you think it’s a bunch of bullshit and pointless - give it your best effort and don’t give up until it’s done whatever it is).[/quote]

That’s exactly why I came here! I use to browse other forums but never posted (like the misc section on BB) but never did post. I somehow found TNation on google and looked at some of the posts and was amazed at how supportive everyone here is for each other.

I’m definitely in it for the long haul, I just don’t know what I like man! Like that’s the biggest reason I quit school, I had no direction and I was depressed at the time. I always scored high in my technology classes in high school but when I actually started coding or whatever I couldn’t stand it. Maybe that was the depression talking, who knows.

I think my biggest priority right now is getting started on the weight loss, being addicted to fast food doesn’t make that easy but I’m ready for the start. It will be the first time in my life that I was in decent shape and looked good, not meaning to brag but I still pull decent girls even in the shape I’m currently in. I can only imagine what it would be like if I was actually physically attractive…
[/quote]

You’re 21 (I believe) so you’re still a youngin. Do not try to make all the changes you want to make all at once. A successful approach to bettering yourself is figuring out how and where you want to be at the end (say a 5 year plan) and start with one thing at a time (diet for instance). Dial that in first, get used to eating better (more veggies and lean meats, less processed shit) and cooking/preparing the meals for yourself.

Once that gets easy and you have it pretty much dialed in, work on getting stronger. Pick a time of day you feel you’d be most successful in keeping as your gym time (mine’s 5am or first thing in the a.m.). Once you have that dialed in, start on something else. Baby steps man. Focus on one big change at a time until it’s engrained in your life.

I was largely directionless when I was 18/19 and joined the Air Force. I’m not suggesting you do that, but it was an option for me considering the rut I was in after high school. It gave me time to experience life and figure out what I’m passionate about and the means, once my enlistment was up, to pursue my academic goals and discipline to excel. Again, that’s my experience, do what you feel will work for you to set you up to be continually successful throughout life.

The fun part is figuring it out. Best advice I can give is to try everything. Expect to suck at first but don’t give up. Just keep doing and learn from your mistakes. Losers are those who stop trying.[/quote]

What do you suggest about lunch at work considering I work at a fast food place? just bringing like a peanut butter sandwich or something? and for the working out part, just find a good proven routine on this website?

I feel like most of my anxieties come from the school/career area. I read one of those blogs that another user posted in this thread and people talk about how a college education isn’t necessary and it very well might not be, but I just can’t understand how these people get by writing blogs and doing their own thing without first working for somebody else and learning about their industries.

[quote]NotD wrote:
I’m definitely in it for the long haul, [/quote]

First off. Don’t say shit like this. Don’t waste your time with thinking long term while you have the following problem:

This is the biggest problem here I can see. (Like was mentioned, getting in physical shape is a GREAT start and a good thing to do. It will also be infinitely simpler than solving the above.) Note the difference between simple and easy. It won’t be easy, neither will finding addressing the above issue, but will be simple as hell. There are such a plethora of ways to lift and eat and have it work, you literally can’t fail if you actually try. Trying is hard, but simple as fuck. You know what I’m saying?

As to fix the above, read and re-read this post until it sinks in:

[quote]rrjc5488 wrote:
I’ve spent the last 6 or so months learning how to cook and it’s honestly been one of the best investments in myself I’ve ever made.

[/quote]

Now it isn’t about the cooking. Note the bold part.

You need to drop the hobbies that are basically mental masturbation (video games) until you have direction. Once you have direction, feel free to take breaks crushing the Xbox.

How do you find direction? Lord fucking knows man, but hobbies where you are LEARNING something while you do it, as skill of some kind, will be a good start. I don’t care if it is playing guitar, knitting or physics. Shit you can learn about how the chemicals in your brain react to different drugs (I can pull the name of the book my wife has from undergrad that was a tough fucking read because I had to look up so much shit just to get through it if you’d like.) Doesn’t matter what you’re learning, just be learning. Xbox isn’t learning.

For instance, my two hobbies right now are shooting (and hand loading ammo) and guitar. I’ve been reading up on how pickups work when I’m not playing, and how to make precision rifle rounds when I’m not shooting. I’ve learned more fucking physics than I ever thought I’d ever know from this shit. Electrical “theory” (I have no idea what the actual word is) as well. Point is, I’m not sitting on my ass wasting my life watching shit TV. And this is coming from someone with direction, weekly, monthly, year long, five year and life goals. On top of my goals I also have dreams, that may or may not happen but I’d like to fit them in.

Eventually, you’ll find something you like. If I were you I’d look up something like “how do you code a video game” on youtube and watch videos on how to make the games you play. Then google shit that comes up you don’t understand, and keep digging from there until you find something you like. If you play COD or whatever, google warfare strategy or books on combat and PTSD, etc. Fuck man, if you have netflix watch some documentaries on whatever subject the games you play are on.

Just do something, instead of nothing, with your time.

As long as it’s little 'd" depression and not big “D” depression don’t sweat it. If it’s big D, get on your parents heath plan and go talk to a professional.

More likely it was “work”. Most normal people don’t “like” work. The key is not seeing work as work. Because not being fat is going to take work is why I bring this up.

[quote]being addicted
[/quote]

You use interesting language in this thread. If, deep down, this is a cry for help, but you aren’t ready unless someone digs and digs and proves they care… You won’t find that on the internet. Can’t promise you’ll find it with a Shrink either, but there are people out there that care. I promise. But at the end of the day, you’ll have to meet everyone half way, and do all the work.

I’m drunk and making a lot of assumptions, and i’m not a professional here. So take what I’m saying with a grain of salt. Last time I gave a flying fuck about a dude in one of these threads I was meet with a harsh rebuke of what I was saying to the tune of “this kid is going to have to figure all this out on his own”. So I’m weary of bothering again at this point.

I have nothing to add other than I’m drunk too.

Are we to believe that NotD is NOT dave670 with a different and obvious user name, just chumming the waters with stuff that self improvement junkies can’t resist?

[quote]countingbeans wrote:
Eventually, you’ll find something you like. If I were you I’d look up something like “how do you code a video game” on youtube and watch videos on how to make the games you play. Then google shit that comes up you don’t understand, and keep digging from there until you find something you like. If you play COD or whatever, google warfare strategy or books on combat and PTSD, etc. Fuck man, if you have netflix watch some documentaries on whatever subject the games you play are on.
[/quote]

This is a good point. I was without a clear sense of direction as well, but I figured out the underlying threads that tie all my hobbies together. In my case, I had always been interested in firearms, reading military history, biographies of military vets, playing historical/combat video games, archery, etc. All of the people I most admired were in some way related to combat. You can see the underlying theme here when it’s all laid out like this but it didn’t really click for a long time. I just played video games and was interested in history so people suggested that I pursue a career in those fields (programming games/history degree) instead of looking at the underlying appeal behind them.

My advice: have a deeper look into what you’re doing and try find some common themes. What do you like reading about? What kind of people do you admire, and what do they have in common? What are your favourite TV shows/video games and what do they all have in common? After you’ve discovered some common themes, look into how you could make a job out of it.

Fuck, I have no real advice. I never had a job I was truly passionate about until I was in my 40s.

I taught math for years. I worked hard at it, my students crushed it, and made all my incentive based bonuses. But I wasn’t a teacher at heart.

I worked for Child Protective Services. I worked hard at it, truly cared for the kids in my care, and feel like I made a difference in their lives. But it wasn’t a calling.

Now, in my 40s, I work for a big soul-less corporation doing a job I had no idea existed until I was about 39. And I love every day of it.

You don’t always have to love what you’re doing. Today isn’t like in the 1950s where you start working in the factory out of high school and stay there until retirement.

My degree is in Political Science. Didn’t prepare me one bit for any of the three careers I’ve been in, but it taught me to think.

I’ve been drinking tonight, also. So to summarize, it’s OK not to know what you are going to do for the rest of your life when you are young. Life is a long journey and you have no idea where it will take you. All you can do is control your shit–lose the weight, get stronger, impose some self-discipline on yourself–so you’ll be ready for when that one thing you are passionate about comes along.

[quote]doogie wrote:
Today isn’t like in the 1950s where you start working in the factory out of high school and stay there until retirement.
[/quote]
Where I grew up, it was like this. This was in the 90s. All around me were drug addicts because it was hopeless there. So I left at 18 and joined the military in another country for citizenship and money for higher education.

What the fuck are you kids growing up in the 1st world so depressed about??? You have opportunity. When there is opportunity there is hope. There is freedom of choice because there are OPTIONS. You are upset because you can’t make up your minds and have no direction? And you turn to addiction to substances or food because life is so fucked up? Your worlds come crashing down when you reach puberty and find out you may be a little less attractive to the opposite sex because of your physical development or bodycomp? Maybe working in a child labour factory will put things in perspective for you. Or visit a 3rd world nation and see families searching rubbish dumps for food as fulltime jobs cos daddy lost his leg in an accident and can’t get a job.

Fuck. You have opportunity. Use it. Life is what you make of it. Others have to go through hell and high water to get what you take for granted. INCLUDING MEDICAL TREATMENT FOR CLINICAL DEPRESSION. If you have it, go see a doctor.

[quote]dt79 wrote:

[quote]doogie wrote:
Today isn’t like in the 1950s where you start working in the factory out of high school and stay there until retirement.
[/quote]
Where I grew up, it was like this. This was in the 90s. All around me were drug addicts because it was hopeless there. So I left at 18 and joined the military in another country for citizenship and money for higher education.

What the fuck are you kids growing up in the 1st world so depressed about??? You have opportunity. When there is opportunity there is hope. There is freedom of choice because there are OPTIONS. You are upset because you can’t make up your minds and have no direction? And you turn to addiction to substances or food because life is so fucked up? Your worlds come crashing down when you reach puberty and find out you may be a little less attractive to the opposite sex because of your physical development or bodycomp? Maybe working in a child labour factory will put things in perspective for you. Or visit a 3rd world nation and see families searching rubbish dumps for food as fulltime jobs cos daddy lost his leg in an accident and can’t get a job.

Fuck. You have opportunity. Use it. Life is what you make of it. Others have to go through hell and high water to get what you take for granted. INCLUDING MEDICAL TREATMENT FOR CLINICAL DEPRESSION. If you have it, go see a doctor.[/quote]

you talk English real good for a Chinaman

[quote]Yogi wrote:

[quote]dt79 wrote:

[quote]doogie wrote:
Today isn’t like in the 1950s where you start working in the factory out of high school and stay there until retirement.
[/quote]
Where I grew up, it was like this. This was in the 90s. All around me were drug addicts because it was hopeless there. So I left at 18 and joined the military in another country for citizenship and money for higher education.

What the fuck are you kids growing up in the 1st world so depressed about??? You have opportunity. When there is opportunity there is hope. There is freedom of choice because there are OPTIONS. You are upset because you can’t make up your minds and have no direction? And you turn to addiction to substances or food because life is so fucked up? Your worlds come crashing down when you reach puberty and find out you may be a little less attractive to the opposite sex because of your physical development or bodycomp? Maybe working in a child labour factory will put things in perspective for you. Or visit a 3rd world nation and see families searching rubbish dumps for food as fulltime jobs cos daddy lost his leg in an accident and can’t get a job.

Fuck. You have opportunity. Use it. Life is what you make of it. Others have to go through hell and high water to get what you take for granted. INCLUDING MEDICAL TREATMENT FOR CLINICAL DEPRESSION. If you have it, go see a doctor.[/quote]

you talk English real good for a Chinaman[/quote]
Thanks but I’m not from China lol. My wife is.

It’s fried rice you plick!

[quote]dt79 wrote:

[quote]Yogi wrote:

[quote]dt79 wrote:

[quote]doogie wrote:
Today isn’t like in the 1950s where you start working in the factory out of high school and stay there until retirement.
[/quote]
Where I grew up, it was like this. This was in the 90s. All around me were drug addicts because it was hopeless there. So I left at 18 and joined the military in another country for citizenship and money for higher education.

What the fuck are you kids growing up in the 1st world so depressed about??? You have opportunity. When there is opportunity there is hope. There is freedom of choice because there are OPTIONS. You are upset because you can’t make up your minds and have no direction? And you turn to addiction to substances or food because life is so fucked up? Your worlds come crashing down when you reach puberty and find out you may be a little less attractive to the opposite sex because of your physical development or bodycomp? Maybe working in a child labour factory will put things in perspective for you. Or visit a 3rd world nation and see families searching rubbish dumps for food as fulltime jobs cos daddy lost his leg in an accident and can’t get a job.

Fuck. You have opportunity. Use it. Life is what you make of it. Others have to go through hell and high water to get what you take for granted. INCLUDING MEDICAL TREATMENT FOR CLINICAL DEPRESSION. If you have it, go see a doctor.[/quote]

you talk English real good for a Chinaman[/quote]
Thanks but I’m not from China lol. My wife is.

It’s fried rice you plick![/quote]

haha, I know. I’m just too racist to care

[quote]Yogi wrote:

[quote]dt79 wrote:

[quote]Yogi wrote:

[quote]dt79 wrote:

[quote]doogie wrote:
Today isn’t like in the 1950s where you start working in the factory out of high school and stay there until retirement.
[/quote]
Where I grew up, it was like this. This was in the 90s. All around me were drug addicts because it was hopeless there. So I left at 18 and joined the military in another country for citizenship and money for higher education.

What the fuck are you kids growing up in the 1st world so depressed about??? You have opportunity. When there is opportunity there is hope. There is freedom of choice because there are OPTIONS. You are upset because you can’t make up your minds and have no direction? And you turn to addiction to substances or food because life is so fucked up? Your worlds come crashing down when you reach puberty and find out you may be a little less attractive to the opposite sex because of your physical development or bodycomp? Maybe working in a child labour factory will put things in perspective for you. Or visit a 3rd world nation and see families searching rubbish dumps for food as fulltime jobs cos daddy lost his leg in an accident and can’t get a job.

Fuck. You have opportunity. Use it. Life is what you make of it. Others have to go through hell and high water to get what you take for granted. INCLUDING MEDICAL TREATMENT FOR CLINICAL DEPRESSION. If you have it, go see a doctor.[/quote]

you talk English real good for a Chinaman[/quote]
Thanks but I’m not from China lol. My wife is.

It’s fried rice you plick![/quote]

haha, I know. I’m just too racist to care[/quote]
Grr… I will hunt you down and eat your dog

[quote]dt79 wrote:

[quote]Yogi wrote:

[quote]dt79 wrote:

[quote]Yogi wrote:

[quote]dt79 wrote:

[quote]doogie wrote:
Today isn’t like in the 1950s where you start working in the factory out of high school and stay there until retirement.
[/quote]
Where I grew up, it was like this. This was in the 90s. All around me were drug addicts because it was hopeless there. So I left at 18 and joined the military in another country for citizenship and money for higher education.

What the fuck are you kids growing up in the 1st world so depressed about??? You have opportunity. When there is opportunity there is hope. There is freedom of choice because there are OPTIONS. You are upset because you can’t make up your minds and have no direction? And you turn to addiction to substances or food because life is so fucked up? Your worlds come crashing down when you reach puberty and find out you may be a little less attractive to the opposite sex because of your physical development or bodycomp? Maybe working in a child labour factory will put things in perspective for you. Or visit a 3rd world nation and see families searching rubbish dumps for food as fulltime jobs cos daddy lost his leg in an accident and can’t get a job.

Fuck. You have opportunity. Use it. Life is what you make of it. Others have to go through hell and high water to get what you take for granted. INCLUDING MEDICAL TREATMENT FOR CLINICAL DEPRESSION. If you have it, go see a doctor.[/quote]

you talk English real good for a Chinaman[/quote]
Thanks but I’m not from China lol. My wife is.

It’s fried rice you plick![/quote]

haha, I know. I’m just too racist to care[/quote]
Grr… I will hunt you down and eat your dog [/quote]

I would actually pay you money to do so. Fucking girlfriend’s pomeranian pisses me off so much. I’m allowed an English bulldog but not til it dies so chow down

I thought you guys over there would just call it a bulldog.