T Nation

Trying to Get My Life Together, Any Advice is Welcomed


#1

I’ll start off by saying that I’m new here, and am excited to start posting. Anyway to cut to the chase, I’m 21 years old and stagnate in my life. I literally have zero goals, and I work in a restaurant full time. I’m 6’1 and weigh 250 lbs. The reason I’m posting today is that I want to get started on this TOMORROW, since today is thanksgiving and I want to eat like a fat ass one more time. I don’t really have any interests other than browsing the internet and playing video games, I do have good friends and am talking to a really sweet girl so I do have that going for me.

I’m not currently in school, I have my general associates degree and am halfway done with school, I can basically pick whatever I decide on an finish my bachelors in 2 years, that is my current plan, but am considering other options like trade school and slightly considering the military once I get in shape and everything. If I am planning on school then I need to get that moving soon because the fall semester is almost over.

I typed this up real quick and there are a few details I am leaving out that I will touch up on later, like I said I’m welcoming any advice about fitness and career/education. Thank you guys, have a good thanksgiving.


#2

my advice is to get the weight off as a matter of priority. Career goals and everything are super important, but you don’t want to waste your youth being really fat. These are your peak casual sex years, so don’t waste them.


#3

[quote]NotD wrote:
Anyway to cut to the chase, I’m 21 years old and stagnate in my life. I literally have zero goals
[/quote]

IMO figure out what exactly you want from life ASAP. Most people skip this part because it’s difficult to find answers but otherwise you’ll be another average dude who’ll wonder where the time has gone when you get to your 50’s. It really won’t fucking matter if you have the best body or how sweet the girls are if you let life just flow, rather than steer it. Lock yourself up in a quite place and think about who you want to be in the future. Read blogs, listen people that might guide you (milkthepidgeon.com & Elliott Hulse, were especially helpful for me)

First figure out what you want from life and then choose what major or military you want to join. I’d pick education any day though

And just loose the damn fat


#4

[quote]Yogi wrote:
my advice is to get the weight off as a matter of priority. Career goals and everything are super important, but you don’t want to waste your youth being really fat. These are your peak casual sex years, so don’t waste them.[/quote]

I’d also start with this since a) it’s a comparatively simple and straightforward goal to achieve b) everything else will be easier. Seriously, you’ll be surprised by how much more energy you’ll have to get stuff done.


#5

I agree with the other posters. If you don’t have a career goal as yet, start by working on your fitness and developing general skills - maybe learning another language, or Excel, or something like that (think of it as training GPP before your specific training). Start with fitness because it will help in every aspect of your life, and will be essential if you do end up joining the military.


#6

As others have said, start with your fitness. Find a program that you can believe in and stick with will get and keep you on the right track. Jim Wendlers 5/3/1 program has given me a lot in terms of being more physically fit, confidence, mental well being and just all around a better person. One thing you can do right now is be thankful for what you do have. It’s better than the alternative.

Someone, somewhere is losing a loved one, having their home foreclosed on or doesn’t even have a home or family to begin with. Not trying to sound cheesy and it may seem over dramatic to some, but to others it is a reality. If anytime everything seems like things aren’t happening fast enough for me in my life or if everything seems like it’s crashing down around me I can always count my blessings.

So long as i can say my family is in good health, it’s usually enough for me. Just keep pushing, happy holidays and God bless.


#7

You are talking to a really sweet girl, that’s great mate. You got this going on.


#8

[quote]Iron Condor wrote:
maybe learning another language, or Excel, or something like that (think of it as training GPP before your specific training).[/quote]

Microsoft excel is love
Microsoft excel is life


#9

[quote]outlaws wrote:

[quote]NotD wrote:
Anyway to cut to the chase, I’m 21 years old and stagnate in my life. I literally have zero goals
[/quote]

IMO figure out what exactly you want from life ASAP. Most people skip this part because it’s difficult to find answers but otherwise you’ll be another average dude who’ll wonder where the time has gone when you get to your 50’s. It really won’t fucking matter if you have the best body or how sweet the girls are if you let life just flow, rather than steer it. Lock yourself up in a quite place and think about who you want to be in the future. Read blogs, listen people that might guide you (milkthepidgeon.com & Elliott Hulse, were especially helpful for me)

First figure out what you want from life and then choose what major or military you want to join. I’d pick education any day though

And just loose the damn fat
[/quote]

Any other blogs or anything for this? I bookmarked the pigeon website for later reading, I haven’t watched Hulse in awhile.

I’m at a point where I have to get moving, I’ve made some progress in my relationship life over the past year, but I need to start hitting that same success in other areas as well.


#10

Do the guided exercise from the pidgeon and actually write it down. The whole blog is geared up for people similar to you with at least 20-30 relevant posts, i think that would keep you rolling dude, good luck


#11

No one is going to hand anything to you, and life owes you nothing.

I agree with the above, lose the weight. There is plenty of support, motivation, and articles that have been written for this site that will assist here. You really are in the right place for this. If you don’t take care of your body, where are you going to live?

One of the core issues here is a lack of goals or vision. If I were you, I’d step away from the distractions for a day. Spend that time setting goals for the next decade or so. Construct a few specific, reasonable, attainable goals and start working towards achieving them - these can be career, physique, education or relationship oriented goals, but you need a future vision. It sounds like you’re largely just existing; it’s time to perhaps start living.

I would surround myself with people who are positive, vision-oriented, and who otherwise support your goals. Garbage in = garbage out, this is largely true for associations too.


#12

[quote]JR249 wrote:
If you don’t take care of your body, where are you going to live?
[/quote]

Love this, totally stealing it


#13

Here’s my advice for OP.
Decide on a realistic goal.
Research ways to achieve your goal.
Sit down and write out a plan to get to goal.
Set benchmarks to achieve along the way.

Follow your plan unless or until it doesn’t work. Keep a journal or blog about executing plan, both your actions, thoughts and feelings. Be self reflective and very honest with yourself. Reread you journal from time to time to see asses and understand what you have done, what worked and how you can continue to improve. Forgive yourself for bad days, diet slip-ups etc., its a war not a single battle. Focus on winning the war.


#14

[quote]Yogi wrote:

[quote]JR249 wrote:
If you don’t take care of your body, where are you going to live?
[/quote]

Love this, totally stealing it[/quote]

I can’t technically claim it. I heard this a long time ago. I’m not sure where it came from or who said it, but yeah, it has always stuck with me - good pearl.


#15

[quote]outlaws wrote:
IMO figure out what exactly you want from life ASAP. Most people skip this part because it’s difficult to find answers but otherwise you’ll be another average dude who’ll wonder where the time has gone when you get to your 50’s. It really won’t fucking matter if you have the best body or how sweet the girls are if you let life just flow, rather than steer it. Lock yourself up in a quite place and think about who you want to be in the future. Read blogs, listen people that might guide you (milkthepidgeon.com & Elliott Hulse, were especially helpful for me)

First figure out what you want from life and then choose what major or military you want to join. I’d pick education any day though

And just loose the damn fat
[/quote]

Good post.

OP, supposedly it’s really hard to make lasting changes to your personality after the age of 25. I don’t know if it’s true or not, but it always served me as a short-term goal (until I became 25 anyway). It kind of forces the question on you: are you on the road to be the person you want to be in 4 years? If not, why?

OP, you’re an adult now. Lots of people say to take your time to figure things out, but the hard truth is that while you’re whittling time away, others are busy developing the skills and habits they need to be successful, maybe even making their first million. I have a friend like that, who worked very hard to bring a certain fast food chain to a major city, and now owns several restaurants. He’s in his 20s. Now is the time to think about who you want to be and make a plan to develop the good habits (and get rid of the bad ones) and skills that you will need to become that person.

4 years is both a lot of time and very little time. It all depends on how you choose to use it.


#16

Are you a cook, or a waiter/bartender?

Is it a corporate restaurant, or in independantly owned place?

Working the frier at a bull-shit fast food place my be kind of a dead end.

Working at the best steak house or sushi place or sports bar in town may open some doors.

Serving and bartending, you get a bunch of cash, plus you talk to a lot of people. You can make connections, meet people, and just “learn stuff” in general. Usually other people working in the place will be college students, so you can get info about the local schools from them. Talking to customers you can learn about jobs, carriers and industries you never knew about. If you really make an impression, you may even get some kind of job offer.

If you work in an independent place, you can learn a lot from the owners. Watch how they interact and do business with distributors, vendors and liquor representatives. You may see some kind of job you’re more interested in. Or some kind of opportunity to develop a business of your own.

Also, you’re around lots of young girls, which is good.

Finally, and I can’t believe nobody mentioned it; X-BOX TIME IS OVER! NO MORE VIDEO GAMES! Spend that time lifting, or drinking beer and gambling.


#17

[quote]FlatsFarmer wrote:
Are you a cook, or a waiter/bartender?

Is it a corporate restaurant, or in independantly owned place?

Working the frier at a bull-shit fast food place my be kind of a dead end.

Working at the best steak house or sushi place or sports bar in town may open some doors.

Serving and bartending, you get a bunch of cash, plus you talk to a lot of people. You can make connections, meet people, and just “learn stuff” in general. Usually other people working in the place will be college students, so you can get info about the local schools from them. Talking to customers you can learn about jobs, carriers and industries you never knew about. If you really make an impression, you may even get some kind of job offer.

If you work in an independent place, you can learn a lot from the owners. Watch how they interact and do business with distributors, vendors and liquor representatives. You may see some kind of job you’re more interested in. Or some kind of opportunity to develop a business of your own.

Also, you’re around lots of young girls, which is good.

Finally, and I can’t believe nobody mentioned it; X-BOX TIME IS OVER! NO MORE VIDEO GAMES! Spend that time lifting, or drinking beer and gambling.

Nope, just a fast food restaurant, although it is a very clean restaurant and leads sales in the chain. Bartending actually sounds really cool, just getting to talk to people and hear their stories.

Gambling and beer is better than xbox though? haha in what ways?

[/quote]


#18

[quote]JR249 wrote:
No one is going to hand anything to you, and life owes you nothing.

I agree with the above, lose the weight. There is plenty of support, motivation, and articles that have been written for this site that will assist here. You really are in the right place for this. If you don’t take care of your body, where are you going to live?

One of the core issues here is a lack of goals or vision. If I were you, I’d step away from the distractions for a day. Spend that time setting goals for the next decade or so. Construct a few specific, reasonable, attainable goals and start working towards achieving them - these can be career, physique, education or relationship oriented goals, but you need a future vision. It sounds like you’re largely just existing; it’s time to perhaps start living.

I would surround myself with people who are positive, vision-oriented, and who otherwise support your goals. Garbage in = garbage out, this is largely true for associations too.[/quote]

Thanks for that, I guess my biggest problem with setting goals is I really don’t know what interests me, and in what direction I want to head. Ship without sails basically describes me to a T.


#19

Something I just heard recently, and wish I had heard a long time ago: Making a commitment means deciding to make that commitment again and again every day; it’s not just a one-time decision. If it were that simple, everyone would be living the dream.

Don’t know if that helps at all, I can kind of empathize with your situation. At your age I was already 3 years into my Navy career - but I knew from about the age of 6 that I was going to join the military, I just had to choose a branch. Now, after retiring last year, I’m kind of stuck trying to figure out what comes next. So, like I said, I can empathize now but at a younger age I wouldn’t have been able to.


#20

[quote]jasmincar wrote:

[quote]Iron Condor wrote:
maybe learning another language, or Excel, or something like that (think of it as training GPP before your specific training).[/quote]

Microsoft excel is love
Microsoft excel is life
[/quote]

Excel is shit - he should learn C++ and Python