Hey all,
This is going to be long-winded, but it’s been building inside me for a long time now. I feel like I need to tell my story.
Here’s the long version… TL;DR at the bottom.
Back about 10 years ago, when I was staring my 30th year in the face, I got sick of being a weak, fat fuck. I started “working out”, which eventually led to lifting. Got turned on to T-Nation, among other sources of information. Soon I was serious about lifting: big compound movements, squats, deads, etc. I started eating for fuel instead of for flavor. My bodyweight (225lbs) didn’t change a whole lot, but over the course of a year or so, my composition sure did. I went from being embarrassed about my appearance in clothes to looking forward to walking around in a swimsuit. It ruled. After a couple years I was pulling 435, benching 285 without a spotter, and squatting somewhere in the 300’s (I forget exactly, but I’ve never felt like my squat was all that strong). I used to sneak into a back room at work to bang out some push ups, dips, pull ups, etc. People routinely asked me for fitness and diet advice, I was the guy who got called on to move heavy shit, etc. All the stuff that we pretend to get annoyed by but secretly love.
That lasted for 5 or 6 years. Then, repeated injuries, a cheating spouse, separation and later divorce, loss of a job (important mostly because I used to be able to get to the gym and lift on my lunch break)… all these things happened at once.
Over the course of the next year, I still tried to get to a gym when I could, still tried to eat well, but as I got a new job in the city and was newly single, I ended up going out a lot with friends or on the prowl (my physique helped a lot in that department), so I was eating out at restaurants and bars all the time, and without a ball and chain keeping things in check, I was drinking a lot pretty much every night of the week. I kept telling myself, “I’ll get back on the horse”, and had multiple false starts.
I finally met a great girl and started to settle down… we’ve been living together for a few years now and are getting married in June. I don’t go out nearly as much as I used to, and my drinking has slowed down a lot, and I still try to eat as well as I can… amazingly, I’m not a total disaster, but I’m really unhappy with how I look in the mirror. Yeah, even with clothes on. I still have some strength left over, and I’m sure there’s an OK body hiding under the layers of beer and carbs trapped between my muscles and skin, but I want to get back to where I used to be physically and, maybe more importantly, mentally. I really don’t want to look like shit on my honeymoon, but I am realistic enough to know that 5 months isn’t enough time to create huge change without dedicating my life to the challenge.
TL;DL:
Used to be in pretty good shape. Not so much now. Want to get back to it, but struggling with staying on the horse.
Here are my stats:
Age: 39
Sex: Male
Height: 6’1"
Weight: 229lbs (down from a recent peak of 240lbs)
I can add measurements later, but I’m “comfortable” in pants in a 38" waist and a XXL shirt (XLs are too short)
Material challenges:
- Sedentary job
- Herniated discs (L4/L5, L5/S1)
- Don’t currently belong to a gym, too cold to lift in the garage right now, so I only have access to dumbbells up to 75lbs and bodyweight stuff for now
Here’s the biggest hurdle I’m struggling with right now… I’m stuck in this mental rut. Every time I think about doing something, be it lifting or going for a run or whatever, I just tune out that voice in my head and go back to the TV or whatever. I used to mock people with this mindset, but I can’t seem to shake it… I don’t even like TV.
So, I know how I should be eating, and I know how I should be lifting (although any programming advice for making real progress over the next 5 months will be greatly appreciated)… I guess what I could really make do with is some encouragement and motivation.
Can you guys give me a little boot in the ass? Scratch that, give me a BIG boot in the ass…
Thanks in advance.
