This is going to be long-winded, but it's been building inside me for a long time now. I feel like I need to tell my story.
Here's the long version... TL;DR at the bottom.
Back about 10 years ago, when I was staring my 30th year in the face, I got sick of being a weak, fat fuck. I started "working out", which eventually led to lifting. Got turned on to T-Nation, among other sources of information. Soon I was serious about lifting: big compound movements, squats, deads, etc. I started eating for fuel instead of for flavor. My bodyweight (225lbs) didn't change a whole lot, but over the course of a year or so, my composition sure did. I went from being embarrassed about my appearance in clothes to looking forward to walking around in a swimsuit. It ruled. After a couple years I was pulling 435, benching 285 without a spotter, and squatting somewhere in the 300's (I forget exactly, but I've never felt like my squat was all that strong). I used to sneak into a back room at work to bang out some push ups, dips, pull ups, etc. People routinely asked me for fitness and diet advice, I was the guy who got called on to move heavy shit, etc. All the stuff that we pretend to get annoyed by but secretly love.
That lasted for 5 or 6 years. Then, repeated injuries, a cheating spouse, separation and later divorce, loss of a job (important mostly because I used to be able to get to the gym and lift on my lunch break)... all these things happened at once.
Over the course of the next year, I still tried to get to a gym when I could, still tried to eat well, but as I got a new job in the city and was newly single, I ended up going out a lot with friends or on the prowl (my physique helped a lot in that department), so I was eating out at restaurants and bars all the time, and without a ball and chain keeping things in check, I was drinking a lot pretty much every night of the week. I kept telling myself, "I'll get back on the horse", and had multiple false starts.
I finally met a great girl and started to settle down... we've been living together for a few years now and are getting married in June. I don't go out nearly as much as I used to, and my drinking has slowed down a lot, and I still try to eat as well as I can... amazingly, I'm not a total disaster, but I'm really unhappy with how I look in the mirror. Yeah, even with clothes on. I still have some strength left over, and I'm sure there's an OK body hiding under the layers of beer and carbs trapped between my muscles and skin, but I want to get back to where I used to be physically and, maybe more importantly, mentally. I really don't want to look like shit on my honeymoon, but I am realistic enough to know that 5 months isn't enough time to create huge change without dedicating my life to the challenge.
Used to be in pretty good shape. Not so much now. Want to get back to it, but struggling with staying on the horse.
Here are my stats:
Weight: 229lbs (down from a recent peak of 240lbs)
I can add measurements later, but I'm "comfortable" in pants in a 38" waist and a XXL shirt (XLs are too short)
* Sedentary job
* Herniated discs (L4/L5, L5/S1)
* Don't currently belong to a gym, too cold to lift in the garage right now, so I only have access to dumbbells up to 75lbs and bodyweight stuff for now
Here's the biggest hurdle I'm struggling with right now... I'm stuck in this mental rut. Every time I think about doing something, be it lifting or going for a run or whatever, I just tune out that voice in my head and go back to the TV or whatever. I used to mock people with this mindset, but I can't seem to shake it... I don't even like TV.
So, I know how I should be eating, and I know how I should be lifting (although any programming advice for making real progress over the next 5 months will be greatly appreciated)... I guess what I could really make do with is some encouragement and motivation.
Can you guys give me a little boot in the ass? Scratch that, give me a BIG boot in the ass...
Thanks in advance.