T Nation

Trump Russia Theories


#1

Tinkle Tailor Soldier Spy – The true(ish) story about America’s dumbest cover up… Disclaimer names will be misspelled to protect the retarded… Also I was really high when I thought of this…

Russia intended to sway election with giant well timed fake news stories, fake photo opps, and useless meetings; they took advantage of Trump team’s ignorance and screw ups. Used bad biz deals and relationships as leverage… Trump team did not intentionally collude but Russia makes it look that way. Rather than fess up to being dumb and played his loyal team goes at all costs to protect the leader’s image… Resulting in the dumbest conspiracy in American History
Russian motivation the win win game. Once contact is made with Trump team it’s on…
Option 1… Hillary wins than Russia puts out all the info to say Trump orcasatrated hacks and disseminated bad info. Also they release pee tape for extra chaos. Driving the wedge deeper in America and causing outrage
Option 2… Trump wins they still get the benefit of the chaos and much wider divide. Also they now have a rube they can still hope for lighter sanctions and now know USA will turn the other cheek in return they look the other way at any Russian aggression world wide
Key items
Theory – Russia uses leverage aka kompromat to black mail and trick Trump people who are just not very smart. Kompromat items include

  1. Trumps golden shower with hookers
  2. Mainforts sleazy deals with Russia
  3. Trumps biz ties to Russia
  4. Kushners failed cover up
  5. Flynns bribery
    The Biggest dumbest story …
    Early in campaign Manifort is approached by Russian operatives. He knows he’s loosing bad and Russia offers him a way to maybe gain advantage. He secretly attempts to work with Russia. Trump team finds out and fires him. Kelly Ann wants the mess cleaned up ASAP…Kushner then tries to go and clean up the mess. Promising to maybe help with sanctions he and Flynn try and cover up Maniforts mistakes. During this time Kisliak meets with or passes by Trump team remembers hoping media documents phony meetings. IE Jeff Sessions never had any meaningful meetings with Russia but the photo opps look suspicious. Russia wants to create conspiracy so that they win no matter what. However Flynn gets greedy already in the pockets of Putin he gets too excited on election night and lets them know sanctions will ease.
    Next phase is to fire FBI directors and any possible investigators… Until the Rebs put country over party the saga continues. However they eventually pass healthcare and tax cuts… The Rebs start to begin impeachment. Once impeached several Trump team members go to Prison for treason. Jared Kushner explores his sexuality in prison in order to survive. Melania divorces Trump and gets biggest settlement in history. Also she unleashes sex tapes where she had sex with several SS agents. Trump dies in federal prison. Pee tape becomes his greatest legacy by doubling R Kellys hits or porn hub. Oliver Stone pays me 5Million dollars for script. I make a guest appreance in the Kushner jail rape scene

About the author: HH is a seasoned expert in US Russian spy tactics has seen all seasons of The Americans and The Hunt for Red October at least 4 times


#2

Not bad.

If I were to add anything it would be a Russian strain of syphilis that turns its victims into zombies, but that might be a stretch to work into the plot.


#3

It could be a mutation of Trump’s neurosyphilis.


#4

I could work that into the Golden Showers scene… Tiny hands = tiny ____ condom falls off and tainted Russian na na mixed with orange douche creates new std… Later on he dies of it in prison like Al Capone…but I dont like Melania spreading it to SS guys… Unless she doesnt bang him and only bangs SS which I really like that idea…side note she goes down in history as most jerked to first lady… Idris Elba plays her favorite lover…Jared spreads mutated STD in prison. I smell an Oscar


#5

Please pass the pipe


#6

Haha :joy: the last half is kinda for fun but watch and see I will be right.