All around one of the worst movies I’ve ever paid to go see. Waste of my $5.75 discounted ticket.
The “Acting”
The “acting” was terrible. Star Wars Episode II had a more convincing love story than that crap. Some of these guys had Scottish accents that would give Braveheart a run for its money. And if it wasn’t Scottish, then it was a quick Australian thrown into the mix.
The Dialogue
This has to be some of the worst dialogue since Point Break - and yes, that includes all of the Matrix movies. Simplistic, unemotional (or forced emotion), and very unrealistic. Just quit with the terrible lines and fight.
The Attempts at Emotion
The baby that cries on command, more of the terrible acting, “dramatic” shots of everyone’s face right before a fight, crappy music with one person howling like it’s a Sting album…terrible, terrible, terrible.
Historical Inaccuracies
Since when did Troy fall in 14 days? Troy was absolutely nothing like the actual city (there was no one huge gate, the walls weren’t like that, etc.). I understand it’s a movie, but it made Pearl Harbor look like a documentary.
Timing
At just under three hours, this movie would have been twice as good if it would have been half as long. About 15 of the 180 minutes actually involves any sort of action. The rest of the time is filled up with the crappy dialoge, especially between lovers or family members. And that’s not even good. It’s all like, “I must fight,” “but don’t fight,” “but I must fight,” “but I don’t want you to fight,” “but it’s about honor,” “but I hate war”…For twenty fucking minutes at a time. You can also substitute the word “go” for the “fight” and you’ve got the other half of the dialoge. The funniest part was when Achilles was telling some woman to go, Paris was telling her to go, and she kept wanting to stay. After a couple of minutes of arguing, some dude in the front of the theater yelled “Fucking go bitch!”
Overall
Everything except a couple of fight scenes were terrible in this movie. The acting and dialoge combined to make this movie damn near impossible to watch. I have not heard a crowd laugh this much at some comedies - probably a bad sign since nothing in this movie was supposed to be funny. The one redeeming factor was a couple of the fight scenes - but this may be relative. It’s kind of like a room of fat girls - suddenly the average girl looks pretty good.
Final grade: F+