T Nation

Trash Talking

As expected there seems to be quite a bit of it going around the forum. Lets put it to some constructive use, what’s some of the wittier things you’ve said while talking shit to someone.

What’s the point? There’s entirely too much room for liars here…You just know some 120 pound puss is going to tell us about this one time he stood up to a 280 beast and shut the guy down.

“You’r Momma”

Well the whole point was about wit, and tact. Not about how badass you are. So it doesnt matter how much the guy weighs or how big the guy was that he said it to. Its how about funny it was so, that’s the point.

I don’t know if this counts,but…I was bartending an art gallery about a year and a half ago when an older kinda pompous woman came up to order. She asked for a water and a wine and I said “The last guy that asked for that got pinned to a cross.” My buddy who was standing nearby spit his drink out. She was not amused.

yeah anything counts really, I mean if you find it funny then post it. I suck at trash talking personally. That’s mostly why I started it. I thought it would make an entertaining post.

When I was younger and working at a grocery store, we had cabbages on sales for 29 cents each.

This customer comes up to me and asks if he can buy half a cabbage. Not to sure about how to handle the situation, I grab his cabbage and walk towards the back store to see my manager.

“I’ve got this fucking idiot who wants to buy half a cabbage…” I tell my manager. I then notice the manager looking over my shoulder at someone. The customer had followed me and was standing 2 feet away.

“…and this gentleman would like to buy the other half.” I finished.

Just yesterday I told a guy that I’d slam my dick in a door if I couldn’t outdrink him.

And good job Pookie. Way to recover quick.

eh dunno if i’d make a promis like that, I’ve never been able to handle liquer very well.

on the flipside, I’ve yet to meet a person who can get drunker than me so…

Sleeves rolled up a bit too high and no guns in sight…

“Did your sister’s arms come with that shirt?”

One time during a legion baseball game, I beat out a ground ball for an infield single. I was safe by like 2 steps. This fat shit of a firstbaseman says I was out… and he kept on insisting I was out. The best thing I could come up with was “whatever, dude.” I kinda wish I came up with something better.

Tomorrow night, youre going to come up with something and be like “damn, that would have been GOOOD!”

In a college Composition class, we were studying short stories, in particular the writers of the Harlem Renaissance. Having done some research of some popular critical reviews of this time period, I came upon what I thought was an interesting fact in regards to critiquing the work of Langston Hughes.

Me: Should we take into account that Langston Hughes was openly gay?

Teacher: (Some angry blah, blah, blah…) I don’t want to hear that in this classroom!

Me: Woah. Burn any good books lately?

Seriously, I mention a well-known (but knew to me at the time) fact about his sexual orientation, and she acts like I just accused him of torturing kittens!

[quote]pookie wrote:
“…and this gentleman would like to buy the other half.” I finished.
[/quote]

Quality.

When I was at school I had just broken up with my girlfriend of 1 year. She didn’t like the fact that I had dumped her so she decided to sit next to me in class and hound me.

She kept saying “You’re a cunt”, you’re this, you’re that and basically trying to get me to crack. Everyone could hear what she was saying.

I let it go for about half an hour and she goes the original “You’re a cunt.”

I turned to her and whispered “Okay, it took you 12 months to work out that I’m a cunt. All it took for me was one look at you and I realized you had no tits.”

She got up threw a book at me and launched her fists of fury. Not one punch landed but the fact nobody heared what I said mad her look somewhat mad. The teacher kicked her out of the class and sent home for the day. It’s good to have a win.

We used to play this team that had this flashy player in basketball. Everyone knew when the physicallity went up, his numbers went down.

In the first minute one of our guys set a brilliant moving screen on the guy when he was blind sided. He dropped like a sack of shit.

I stood over him and pushed him back into the floor and said “How fucking soft are you?”

He replied “Really fucking soft.”

I had no comeback. Needless to say, his numbers were down for the game and we beat them. Although his comeback was the call of the game.

[quote]Digital Chainsaw wrote:
In a college Composition class, we were studying short stories, in particular the writers of the Harlem Renaissance. Having done some research of some popular critical reviews of this time period, I came upon what I thought was an interesting fact in regards to critiquing the work of Langston Hughes.

Me: Should we take into account that Langston Hughes was openly gay?

Teacher: (Some angry blah, blah, blah…) I don’t want to hear that in this classroom!

Me: Woah. Burn any good books lately?

Seriously, I mention a well-known (but knew to me at the time) fact about his sexual orientation, and she acts like I just accused him of torturing kittens![/quote]

LOL.

[quote]Digital Chainsaw wrote: I came upon what I thought was an interesting fact in regards to critiquing the work of Langston Hughes.

Me: Should we take into account that Langston Hughes was openly gay?

Teacher: (Some angry blah, blah, blah…) I don’t want to hear that in this classroom!

Me: Woah. Burn any good books lately?

Seriously, I mention a well-known (but knew to me at the time) fact about his sexual orientation, and she acts like I just accused him of torturing kittens![/quote]

[i]I am a Poor white, fooled and pushed apart, I am the Negro bearing slavery scars. I am the red man driven from the land, I am the immigrant clutching the hope I seek- and finding only the same old stupid plan. Of dog eat dog, of might crush the weak.

O, Let America be America Again- The land that never has been yet- and yet must be - the land where every man is free. The land that’s mine- the poor man’s, Indian’s, Negro’s, ME- Who made America, Whose sweat and blood, whose faith and pain, Whose hand at the foundry, whose plow in the rain, Must bring back our mighty dream again. Sure call me any ugly name you choose- The steel of freedom does not stain. From those who live like leeches son the people’s lives, We must take back our land again, America![/i] - Langston Hughes

ONCE AGAIN YOU INTERRUPTED CLASS, HUMAN.

most recent one…

i dont know if anyone remembers my thread about the fat guy trying to watch me do dead lifts (long story)

but my favorite part was when i was leaving his fat ass made a smart remark and i replied… “why would i listen to some fat fuck that cant see his own dick” everyone around just kinda stood there and i walked out.

While no shattering comebacks come immediately to mind, I will state that talking shit during a Halo 2 or Gears of War LAN party is one of the most satisfying things a young man can do nowadays without getting arrested.