T Nation

Transformation, Pre Addiction. To Clean and Sober


Gonna try to make this brief as possible. With the end goal being that there IS light at the end of the tunnel for those struggling with addiction.

Long story short, skipping childhood, when I got into college at my first major 4 year University, all i wanted was friends. Went through my freshman year relatively unknown, and un-noticed. I had already begun working out by this point and developed some decent size but still I was missing some piece to step out of my comfort zone and make friends. I think it stems back from a life of underlying anxiety. Which by the grace of God, has been taken from me. So after freshman year I began to notice that all these frat guys were surrounded with everything I THOUGHT i wanted to be. They had money, and girls, and friends. So i pledged a fraternity, got accepted. All my dreams came through.

Suddenly I had more women than i knew what to do with, "friends" etc etc. But i was also introduced to pain killers. At first it was just ehh they're okay.. Then one night at a party i was given some, and all of a sudden its like anxiety was just removed from my life. I could suddenly be the MAN i thought i was intended by God to be. Fast forward 3 years dabbling in and out of pills and harder drugs, still 'recreational' at this point. I was arm wrestling at a bar, and my best friend literally snapped my arm. my humor bone. Well this shattered my life.

My entire life was wrapped up in my physical appearance, in bodybuilding, in being THAT GUY. When that was stripped from me, and the doctors kept on prescribing more and more pills. After 6 months of recovery, I was physically dependent on painkillers. Literally would not get out of bed if i didn't have them. Got a great job by the grace of God and my father.

Thought if my career was going strong i could pull out of my addiction. This just enabled me to afford that much more. I was spending upwards of 300$ a day on pills. completely let my body go to trash. All this hard work, all this time and effort, and i look and feel horrible. It was a no-brainier, i was going to continue to use forever, because as long as i was high, i felt okay, i liked myself.

After a couple of suicide threats, and literally almost single handedly ripping my parents marriage apart. I decided to get help. Went through a year long rehab program, and am now just shy of 1 year 5 months of sobriety.

Since then, transference of addiction is real. But i guess this is better than any other. I've always had good knowledge of fitness, nutrition, and science, but its impossible to make progress while on pills. So now with my mind right, ill say this. it is absolutely only by the grace of God that I am where im at. Sober, Loving girlfriend, Amazing job as a Network Engineer, just moved into my own place, without a single dime coming from mom and dad.

The first picture was post arm break about 8 months post. This next one was from a couple mornings ago.


Easier to view


Current stats, 235ish, 6’3. sub 8’s on the bodyfat


Hey man,good job on everything. Keep strong