T Nation

Training Santa

I just looked at a blog I made from a few years ago and boy was I a weird dude! But I found a particular post I thought T-Nation would enjoy/enjoy making fun of my high-school sophomore self. Lol And here it goes:

"People who owe me big:

Santa Claus- That fat shit came to me weighing in at an even 325. His body fat percentage was at 40%. He told me the last time he weight trained was when he got in a fight with Mrs. Claus and said he started having sexual feelings about his reindeer, so he needed a hobby. That was 234 years ago. So he came to me desperate to lose some weight.

He told me he wanted me to keep this a secret between the 2 of us, but he said “I am having trouble getting in and out of those chimneys, (sigh) ho ho ho” then he said to me, “Mrs. Claus doesn’t want to sleep with me anymore, she says my fat belly gets in the way of the two of us doing anything.” I told him I could help him with that. So I put him on a basic training program consisting weight lifting 4 days a week and cardio 3 days a week. After two months of the basic program I wrote up for Santa there were no significant results. “Did you stop eating the cookies at every house you go to?” I asked him. “Ho Ho no.”

He then replied. “Then do it” I said assertively. Then I gave Santa a bottle of Maximum strength HOT-ROX. I left him with a message before I saw him for the last time in several months “Ditch the fucking cookies”. That was 4 months ago. I checked up with Santa last week at a nearby porn shop (he has a fetish for pregnant midgets by the way). I then took him to a gym and did the final tests to see what the results were. Santa lost an incredible 154 pounds, I’ve never seen Santa so confident and happy. He can now do things he could never have done.

He left me a note as he flew off on his Sleigh. This is what it said: “Hey Jeff, thanks for training me, my life has never been so active and I feel like I am living everyday to its full potential. Mrs. Claus and I fuck at least twice a day now, and I can slide down those chimney’s like its a water slide. Thanks again, expect a good present this year…Think HO HO HO.” So Christmas morning I woke up and I saw three prostitutes sleeping under my tree. Thanks Santa. "

The new fit Santa Skydiving



Going through high school memories is always a laugh. Lots of “what the fuck was I thinking” moments.

But be honest…you’re the one who’s into tiny pregos riding reindeer.