T Nation

Training for the Ultimate Heist

Hey T-nationers!

With a lot of us on break for the holidays, I thought its time we have some holiday fun!

I have been thinking lately, what would make the perfect athletic attributes to make the “ultimate heist member”, and what type of training would this person will do.

The heists we are training for is the usual bank robbery, jewellery store raids and secret government records rescuing. Tasks involved include climbing roofs, running from the cops and lifting heavy gold filled safes.

Discuss what physical attributes and style of training one would need to do.

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We’d definitely need the American ninja warrior skill set.

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I would have thought some kind of anal dildo.

No one gets away with that kind of stuff, except in the movies, so expect gaol/jail time, and all the big bubba that goes along with it:)

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There’s virtually no carryover to that style of training.

Er, um… Info gotten from a friend.

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It would also take a lot of brains so you couldn’t use any steroids. (According to the new article). Sucks for me. I’ve never took any but I’m still dumb.

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Ok, so I was thinking person X would need to do in a week…

3 days of strength training, 3 days of parkour/free running drills, and maybe some sort of martial art training incase they get stopped by security.

Thoughts?

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I was thinking firearms training myself.

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Computer hacking, nunchucks, and bow hunting.

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did someone say we’re robbing a bank!

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Firearms training, parkour could definitely be useful, and an evasive driving course. The only strength training necessary would be the ability to move fast with big bags of cash, which are admittedly probably pretty heavy, especially if you’re in a flak jacket with SAPI plates, and already carrying a rifle + ammo.

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Firearm training would be essential, although I prefer to do my heists in stealth mode. At all costs we need to avoid human casualty.

Driving training will be important as well. I would nominate 2 of the 4 to undergo intensive driver training.

@Nards: you be the first person I would add to my 4 member team! You still in Taipei buddy?

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So we’re talking a Nicholas Fox and Kate Ohare (Janet Evanovich/ Lee Goldberg book series) type heist.
Have you read any of these?

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Someone that trains with the people that’d be chasing us would be high up on my list.

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Only way to avoid human casualties at all costs when robbing a bank with loaded firearms would be to not rob a bank with loaded firearms. I AINT GOIN TO JAIL BRO shoots unarmed security guard

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RPGs are always handy as well.

I would think a 4 year degree in hypnosis therapy… get someone else to rob it for you.

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Where’s the fun in that?

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The fun comes when spending the money, knowing you’re safe

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Uh… if you say so.

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Seriously.

shoots our only hostage

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