T Nation

Tormenting Other Drivers

Let’s admit it…how many of us enjoy frustrating moronic drivers? Isn’t it fun to get some idiot frothing at the mouth and screaming? Here’s the place to share your techniques and stories!

My favorite way to frustrate the fools is to OBEY THE RULES, at least until they violate same. Here’s one of my ‘stock in trade’:

By my house, I have to turn left onto a road off of a 4-lane. Once in a while, someone will follow you patiently for a few seconds while you do the speed limit. But then, they decide to speed around you to cut in front to the left turn lane.

That’s when you floor it, to trap them outside. Rarely, and this is even more fun, the 3rd guy in line will gun it and REALLY trap the line-skipper. That’s when you get the screaming, flipping off, horns honking —absolutely hilarious!

I of course only do this when its safe to do so.

So let’s hear it guys! Share your techniques and stories!!

So this is a thread about being an inconsiderate asshole?

I hate the people that don’t merge when there’s construction that closes a lane of traffic down. They try to speed by everybody that has already merged and cut in front of them. One time I was sitting in the lane next to the lane that was closed ahead, and I see this lady speeding along in that lane.

I moved my car so that is was half in each lane so she couldn’t go by. She kept honking her horn at me and shining her headlights, I just laughed at her.

[quote]nramaker wrote:
So this is a thread about being an inconsiderate asshole?[/quote]

Apparently.

I generally let the morons do what they are going to do and try to get where I’m going with as little stress as possible.

I just get some of my friends together in the old hippie van with a bumpersticker on the back that says “I brake for hallucinations” and blasting the Grateful Dead through the bazooka tubes. Everyone seems to get the hell out of our way.

[quote]StevenF wrote:
I hate the people that don’t merge when there’s construction that closes a lane of traffic down. They try to speed by everybody that has already merged and cut in front of them. One time I was sitting in the lane next to the lane that was closed ahead, and I see this lady speeding along in that lane.

I moved my car so that is was half in each lane so she couldn’t go by. She kept honking her horn at me and shining her headlights, I just laughed at her. [/quote]

And its because of assholes like her there’s unnecessary traffic. I hate that shit. Same with assholes who try to speed ahead when entering a highway.

You are a school teacher?

D

[quote]DS 007 wrote:
I generally let the morons do what they are going to do and try to get where I’m going with as little stress as possible. [/quote]

me too. I feel like that’s the best thing to do in NYC otherwise you’d just be pissed off all the time.

But to a certain degree you need to exhibit a little, how do you say, initiative…otherwise, you’ll just sit there while the droves of cabbies cut you off or box you out.

[quote]Dedicated wrote:
You are a school teacher?

D[/quote]

Yep. We’re all control freaks too!

Notice how I said I piss 'em off by following the rules — speed limits, turn signals, and so forth. When they become assholes and try to cut around me or expect me to just sit and let them do what they want, then I fuck 'em over as MUCH AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE.

Hmmm…sounds like a math class…

[quote]StevenF wrote:
I hate the people that don’t merge when there’s construction that closes a lane of traffic down. They try to speed by everybody that has already merged and cut in front of them. One time I was sitting in the lane next to the lane that was closed ahead, and I see this lady speeding along in that lane.

I moved my car so that is was half in each lane so she couldn’t go by. She kept honking her horn at me and shining her headlights, I just laughed at her. [/quote]

In heavy traffic it’s actually faster for everyone to wait until the last second to merge.

http://www.dot.state.mn.us/newsrels/03/10/29merge.html

I’m so freakin cool guys one time this guy was in a hurry so I shot out his tires and ran him off the road and then backed over his dog and slept with his wife im so cool for being a jerk women like me because of my confidence blah blah blah.

I setup my washer fluid nozzles so that it will spray over the car at highway speeds. This is great when some asshole is tale gating too close.

On a much cooler side note my buddy was being chased by a gang of rabid mexicans driving a Chevy Blazer one night. My buddy was driving a VW Rabbit. Anyway, they kept chasing him and he was almost home so he got worried. They pulled up next to him and he saw a telephone pole up ahead so he rammed the side of his car into theirs and pushed them over enough to make them hit the telephone pole!

That’s what you get for fuckin with the little guy! I love that.

[quote]Yo Momma wrote:
I just get some of my friends together in the old hippie van with a bumpersticker on the back that says “I brake for hallucinations” and blasting the Grateful Dead through the bazooka tubes. Everyone seems to get the hell out of our way.[/quote]

HAHA!

One of my favorite things to do is to slow down to about ten miles an hour if someone is tailgating me.

Of course, I drive a pickup, and very few people will tailgate a black pickup truck, so I don’t get to do this often.

[quote]beebuddy wrote:
On a much cooler side note my buddy was being chased by a gang of rabid mexicans driving Chevy Blazer one night. My buddy was driving a VW Rabbit. Anyway, they kept chasing him and he was almost home so he got worried. They pulled up next to him and he saw a telephone pole up ahead so he rammed the side of his car into theirs and pushed them over enough to make them hit the telephone pole!

That’s what you get for fuckin with the little guy! I love that.[/quote]

Beebuddy, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. Your friend should find himself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because he’s probably wanted for murder.

[quote]C-Bonics wrote:
I setup my washer fluid nozzles so that it will spray over the car at highway speeds. This is great when some asshole is tale gating too close.[/quote]

On my later model Cherokee, the rear wiper has a 2" 1/4" hose for washer fluid. It had decayed and fallen off somewhere so what was left was a 1/8’ X 1" “squirter” pipe facing backward.

When you press the rear-wiper button, fluid would shoot out like a Super-Soaker something like 12-15 feet.

I used to shoot tailgaters with harmless blue fluid. I had thoughts of shooting whole milk or light cream but as funny as that would look, I’m sure it would coat the windshield of the car behind me and cause a crash.

Kind of like an automotive “facial”.

Much better to not cause harm, these assholes have to live with themselves eternally and that’s payback enough for me.

[quote]NDM wrote:
beebuddy wrote:
On a much cooler side note my buddy was being chased by a gang of rabid mexicans driving Chevy Blazer one night. My buddy was driving a VW Rabbit. Anyway, they kept chasing him and he was almost home so he got worried. They pulled up next to him and he saw a telephone pole up ahead so he rammed the side of his car into theirs and pushed them over enough to make them hit the telephone pole!

That’s what you get for fuckin with the little guy! I love that.

Beebuddy, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. Your friend should find himself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because he’s probably wanted for murder.[/quote]

My friend isn’t klippermeat though. They didn’t die, he just totaled their Blazer baby! Yea!

I absolutely love to frustrate moronic drivers. Especially tailgaters when there is a line of traffic ahead and you know there’s no way around it.

One funny thing I’ve done though to tailgaters, and I mean the really obnoxious ones, is to wait until they are taking a drink of something and hit your brakes. That usually gives you a pretty good show.

If you are more passive aggressive, its kind of fun to just drift and gradually slow down without hitting your brakes. Most of the time they don’t realize your slowing down until they almost hit you.

(these are only fun if the person behind you drives a smaller, nicer car than yours. Lots of fun in an old work truck with a trailor hitch or lumber hanging over the tail gate.)

In my older (more responsible) age though I usually refrain. You never know when someone will go balistic and I really don’t want to kill anyone cause an accident:)

I do this EVERY time somebody tries to cut the line. Wait your damn turn.