T Nation

Too Nice


#1

I think thats a fairly good description of me. I'm told by parents, friends, etc. that i'm beyond nice, im just too nice. Dont ask me why im writing this, but I guess since this is an off-topic forum of a website a frequently come to, I might as well see if anyone else gets this.

I've always pictured a T-man as someone who wasn't afriad to tell someone the truth, even if it's something that may not make the other person happy. I lack that ability. I dont know what it is, but I just cant bring myself to say things that are remotely "mean" to people, no matter how small they are compared to me.

Ive been working out for about a year and a half now and have gained plenty of muscle and size. Im 16 years old, and at about 6'1-6'2 at around 210-215 im not, compared to the guys im around usually, very small at all. Yet, I still have problems with minor little things.

Someone could say the sky is red and i'd probably just be like "Yep.". I just cant get the balls to do something simple like that. Im just too nice, and I need to break it.

I dunno even why im rambling on about this. Im just not in a great mood right now, I guess =P. But anyways, anyone used to be like this or is like this, and can give me some advice for breaking my "too nice" ways? I dont, by no means, want to be an asshole, but yeah, im sick of it.

Anywyas, thanks for anyone who stumbled through that. Im just spilling words out right now I guess =P


#2

You probably need to care a little less about what others think about you.

You arent going to please everyone in life, even if you are super-nice guy. You will annoy people because you ARE the super-nice guy thus defeating your purpose anyway.

Its good to care what close family and friends think. Other than that, try and ignore expectations and just be you.

It will most likely get easier as you get older and find out more about who you are as an individual.

Maybe that makes some sense. Either way, be happy that it was for free. :smiley:

Good luck


#3

I used to be like you...confrontations aren't fun things. But eventually you toughen up, and learn that speaking your mind is far more important than making other people happy; no one respects pushovers.

You don't have to go out of your way to start trouble, but just stand up for what you believe. People admire this alot more than you might think...and unfortunately, you have to make a concious effort to change yourself. Eventually it becomes second nature.


#4

Somebody who stands up for what they believe in will piss some people off. That doesn't mean that pissing people off means you are standing for something. However, there is no way you will please everyone if you are speaking the truth. No matter what, someone will find an issue with it, even if it is just because you are the one saying it.


#5

Thanks for the replies so far guys. Regarding the first post, I see what you're saying, but its not so much that I'm trying to make everyone happy, more like im "afraid" to say something that the people around me wont agree with.

Not that im scared they will kcik my ass or something, its usually with friends, but even then, I just feel like I cant say stuff that goes against someone else, even if its one person and a friend, and when i do, I have to put it in a "jokingly tone" as in an effort to not sound hostile.

I dunno, im just going to have to make the effort to just not care.


#6

Speaking the truth is much different from being mean. If something is taken to be mean it is likely the case that your words were misconstrued, though it could also be the case that you did not take circumstance into enough account when you chose to speak the truth.


#7

Just say what you mean as long as you're not intentionally trying to hurt someone.

If someone takes issue with it, you can try to get them to see your POV, or just shrug and say, "that's my opinion".

You're not obligated to get in a debate or defend your views.

Just shrug off any opposition.


#8

You can tell those of us that spend too much time in the political forums...

Yes, there is a fine line. But you'll be able to tell the difference between standing for something and just being a dick.


#9

I'm guessing that you don't have any siblings near your own age.


#10

When people start to take advantage of you, you just might lose that too nice mentality.


#11

I think that is a load of crap. I didnt actually read what you wrote, but since it is one of Prof X's posts it must be wrong and very offensive.


#12

(((((((((((AHA))))))))))))
Have no fear, "Mr. In your Face" is here

I like to make loud entrences and get attention when I walk in a room. If I get booed. Fuck Em'. I'm the only person that will have to live with the regret that I didn't do or say what I realy wanted to. Thats probably why I'm one of the loudest on this site, if not the loudest.

"The only thing you have to fear is fear itself", no truer words have ever been spoken.

Speak your mind brother. You will have 1 million enemies & 1 million friends. But the only one that counts is you. Do you regret not saying how you felt? Do you regret not doing what you really wanted to do? Don't live a life of regret, it's worse than being a loser.

The only reason you feel you are to nice is because you are afriad to speak your mind and have others judge you for doing so. Brother you don't have to say a word for the rest of your life, and people will still judge you daily. Just by the way you look, walk, eat, sneeze, fart, take a dump 6 times a day.

Fear isn't your enemy, its actualy your best friend. It lets you know when you want to voice or take action in something. You should follow your fear and conquer it. Thats pretty much the purpose of life right there; to test yourself.

If you're not testing yourself everday, you're not realy livin'. How are you gonna go out like that on your death bed? How can you die, you never really lived?

I say get a grip and tell someone off right now. Someone who you know needs a compliment or your opinion on what you think. You matter man. You're only being too nice in fear of what others will think of you if you were yourself.

Most people are afraid to speak thier mind. They know the hammer is coming right down on top of them if they do. I say never do this. Let the hammer fall and when it does, grab it and smack them upside the head with it.

Ain't nobody gonna give a shit what you did or said 100 years from now when your dead; neither will you, you'll be dead. hah! But I guarentee you this, you will know how you feel about it everyday that you are alive. You only live once and get one shot to be heard. There's plenty of time for silence when you're dead, you'll have an eternity of it.

Speak up now, or forever hold your tongue.

Too Nice pffft! Thats the same type of excuse that ugly people use, when they say looks don't matter its the person inside that matters. Of course it matters, if it didn't we would all look the same. The same goes for being to afraid, not nice. We're all nice, but being brave isn't always nice. It comes from the heart. Take a stand, and stay your ground. Go down fighting.

"To sin in silence, makes cowards of men."

  • The loudest man you've ever heard

#13

Mr. Push ups,

Sorry, but did you just say something?


#14

No Honey,

I passed wind earlier & I guess it had good hang time. It found its way to this thread:)P


#15

You are not doing yourself any favors by being a pushover and allowing others to control what you think, do, like, or say because of a fear of disagreements. You are not allowing yourself to grow and stretch and test your own beliefs to find out who you really are. You will never get anywhere in life if you can't be assertive and forge your own path.

I don't think you need to go out and tell someone off, but I do think you need to start saying "no" or "you're wrong because..." or "I think we should do this instead..." more often. If you don't agree with someone or don't want to do something, don't do it.

You only get one shot at life. It's time to stand up for yourself and stop letting someone else control it for you.


#16

Since you're 16 I'd assume (or at least hope) you're still in high school. If your school has a debate club or debate class maybe try getting involved in that. It would at least help you to argue topics and sort of get you in the mindset to defend certain views you may have which would help you later on in more social settings.


#17

Pretty much, I mean you don't have to argue just for the sake of it, but if you have a good point to make then make it. You may be surprised at how much the others value your opinion. It's worth dipping your toe in the water and finding out anyway.


#18

Start listening to Social Distortion and Henry Rollins PRONTO!


#19

As ones reputation goes before one, then this could be your advantage. People like nice people, it just depends on other factors...

Honesty is sometimes a blunt instrument that blodies more than it cuts. Its sometimes best not to tell people what you think, just tell them what they want to hear. You can't go about telling people what you think because they will think you are complete twat. If credit is due give it.

If critique is needed be tactful. If someone scratches your car, beat the shit out of them. You might think that speaking your mind will endear you to people and others will see you as a paragon of decency but this is not the case. What you say and do always has to be adapted to the people and situation.

Don't sweat the small stuff, seems you have too much time to mull over this kind of thing instead of concentrating on self improvement.

You ever seen Kung-Fu the Movie when Caine is asked by the Chinese railroad worker 'newcomer why don't you speak?'
He replies 'if ones words are no better than silence one should remain silent'.

Sometimes this is a good idea. To be honest the less you say the more powerful you appear and people will always be trying to interpret what you mean when you do actually speak. People who constantly waffle and chunner garner little respect, they are too obvious, too famililar and boring. When you speak, make it open ended, vague and sphynxlike if you want to impress people. Also don't take people's sides, avoid arguments and control the emotions.

Half of what people do is to get a reaction out of you. When someone is trying to push you, often to get a reaction don't act forcefully back, just chill and stay calm. That's the best way. Going hammer at tongs at people and over-reacting just triggers off a chain of events which is well out of proportion to the original.

I was a little like this in my teens. Constantly churning up arguments and never feeling in control. It can be miserable I appreciate that. Just a few simple things concerning what you say, think and do and you will be on the right track. If you don't feel in control its likely that your idea of power is all wrong. Instead of constantly reaction to situations start to control the way things happen youself. Instead of having to think of a cool reply to some comment a friend or girl makes. Start making your own.

Get yourself a copy of :

The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene.

Most of the stuff I put here is straight from that book, by the time I got round to reading it, I had learned most of it already the hard way by trial and error. You could save yourself a lot of effort by picking up a copy.


#20

Mr. Push Up should be renamed to Mr. Cliche. I don't think you can jam more cliches into one post.

To the original post, it's one thing to speak your mind and another thing to be honest. While you should never be afraid to speak your mind, you shouldn't always do it. There are times to speak your mind and times when you shouldn't - the key is knowing which situation you are in.

Life's can be divided into black, white and gray areas. The black and white areas are easy since it is clear what should be done. This topic is a gray area, imo. To be truly successful in life, you need to excell in the gray areas, where there are no clear guidelines.

DB