T Nation

to the opposite sex

Do any of you fellow T-men/T-women get the urge to mold someone of the opposite sex? I know this might sound kinda weird and it is along the same lines as the recent thread, “help me make this woman hot”. But have you ever found someone, a friend of the opposite sex, that suddenly took an interest in getting into the GYM and you wanted to direct them? See, she works with me. She was a balerina (sp) for a number of years and has a frame and physique with a huge amount of potential. She is very attractive already. But, I’m curious as to what I could do with her. The curiousity is very strange. I think I’ve gotten to the level where this lifestyle is asking me to see what happens to the opposite sex, given this type of training. It seems like it could be a lot of fun as well. I look at her and I think, “Wow, shes beautiful, but imagine what she could do with her back. Or her arms. Or her shoulders” and “Can I make that happen?”. There seems to be some sort of challenge there, some sort of experiment. Is it fair or right to influence this person that way? Would I only offend her if she knew what I was up to? She is really interested in going with me but she seems like the type that might go in, feel the burn after a couple of hard reps. Then get on the tred mill for the rest of the time. What would all of you men and women do in my place? Have you gone through with something similar? Did that person benefit from your direction? I can see some problems ariseing- will I change her feminity? Will I mold her based on what I think is attractive? That could be very good or very bad. What would you do?

Same and opposite sex. Not only the people who come to you for help, but those you see on the street. It’s so tempting to butt in with ‘Hey, this is what you should do…’ but how often does that work? Informing and motivating your little disciple, then adding that guidance into a routine over a period of time, has worked well for me.

I ‘feel your pain’ :wink: because I’m doing the same thing with a female friend right now. She, too, has a background in dance. To help you, a) dancers will respond quickly and well to training, b) she’ll worry about getting big and hurting dance performance, but she’ll end up being leaner, and c) watch her feet. Dancers do insane things with their feet if not cautioned to keep a certain position in, say, a squat.

RS, I’ve encountered this with my girlfriend. She’s a beautiful girl that needed some work, always had the desire to change, but didn’t know how. Now, anyone else that tells me they want to change, but that they don’t kow how, I tell 'em to smarten up and that nothing is going to happen unless they get their own butt in gear and read, investigate, observe, study, try etc.

However, seeing as I had a vested interest in this person, I sat down with her and devised a strategy, showed her exercises, worked with her on her diet etc. See, she had the interest, but lacked the knowledge to make it happen and I just provided her with what she needed to get started. Now, she’s well on her way, looking hotter than ever and happier than she’s ever been and telling me every day that she hasn’t been this excited about the way she looks and feels in 10 years. She’s studying on her own, asking intelligent questions and working to find the answers and I’m just there to support her and give her advice if she asks.

If this person has the desire, help them out. You can only try and if they don’t like it, you’ve done your best. She has shown an interst, just think of what she might become with a little help. Don’t be scared of molding her into what you want. Once she gets going, she’s going to pick it up on her own and decide exactly what she wants out of it. Hopefully, though, you won’t be left out of the equation when she become sthe hottest girl in the gym :wink:

This could be an intersting psychological study, perhaps- t-men who want to mold chicks into their vision of beauty. We’re messed up!

I’m sure this is how Dr. Frankenstien started out…

I’m in a similar situation with Jester9, who has posted a few times on the forum. She’s a former co-worker who lives 300 miles away, and I see her when I go back to the old place to visit. About a year ago, she started getting more interested in working out seriously, partially because I was making good progress in my own routines. A lifelong athlete with a high state ranking in tennis, she was already fit, and had recently started on the Zone diet, same as me (which I see now is close to what TMag recommends).

Anyway, once she started doing a split routine, getting away from the machines, and pushing herself harder, she started seeing changes she liked. In a fairly short time she has gone from attractive and fit to well-built and hot! Muscles that are the envy of the teenage boys and girls at the school where she works, and femininity that turns heads. She was worried about “how far to go,” but TMag has convinced her that she has nothing to fear re: how she looks/presents if she continues to push herself to go heavier and heavier.

In fact, this weekend I’m going back there, and I’ve promised to spend time showing her Oly lifts, and making sure her form is good for deadlifts. We both read TMag and Forums and email each other about the advice and info.

But to the point about “should I try to mold someone”? Jester9 didn’t want to get “too muscular” even though I told her that wasn’t likely. TMag and its TVixen contributors and advice to TVixens has convinced her she has nothing to fear. She absolutely LOVES the changes in herself, feels better about her body than she ever has, and the kids at her school want her advice on diet and working out.

Don’t drag your ballerina friend into “go heavy or go home”; just tell her that she has great potential, that you want her to go slowly so she doesn’t get too sore the first time, and that you want her to commit to at least 4 weeks of a good resistance training routine. At the end of 4 weeks–assuming you’ve set her up with a good progressibve routine–she’ll be loving the changes and asking you to teach her more.

There’s nothing wrong with being a guide along the path; it’s the best thing you can do for someone. Of course, the unspoken question on everyone’s minds is: are you trying to make her hotter because you lust for her body? That’s the wrong reason, obviously. But go in with the atitude that you are helping a friend reach HER potential, not molding her into YOUR ideal, and you’ll be doing her a tremendous favor.

(Excuse me; must climb down from this soapbox now.)

CGB has the right idea. You need to make sure first that SHE wants to change in the way you describe. Without that desire, you’re wasting your time.


Sure, you can give some suggestions, and see how she reacts. But as a dancer previously she is well aware of her body. If she really wants to change it, she’ll have thought about it already herself, and will let you know.


Bottom line, (unless she’s madly in love with you!) she will only do it for herself, not for you. Trying to push her into it just for your personal enjoyment/satisfaction is destined to failure.SRS