Sorry, I didn't write this, I wish. Another funny one. Hope you get some comic relief from this one today!
To My Naked Hot Tub Party Neighbors
Its going to be a sad sad summer! My neighbors have moved!!!!!!! So to the people of North Portland - they took their hot tub with them. ENJOY!
So I have no idea if it is on again this weekend, but if it is can I make some suggestions?
1) You guys are freaking hilarious, at the very least please record the audio from your night. Last weekends favorite quote ?I want your boobies to kiss my boobies?
2) Please hand out a lyrics sheet to all members of the hot tub. I would love to help pick the songs, if I am going to have to listen to them. Although the sentiment was sweet your song (Islands in the stream) of choice last week, really blew. My requests: Down Under (Men at Work), She Goes Down (Motley Crue)
3) Lets make it an official rule, every time a guy stands up you ladies must yell at the top of your lungs ?Cocktail? and then drink. Also for every time someone says boobies, the group drinks.
4) Plastic only ? lesson learned
5) Just say, turn off your porch light rather then unscrewing it. I will hop right up and do it. I didn?t realize when you were having one of you unscrew a light it was mine.
6) In the event you are playing ?guess who?s foot?, please be clear with your rules. There seemed to be some confusion in the past.
7) I didn?t quite catch all the shapes that had been shaved in the ladies whoonie nananas. Please redo that conversation and a little louder.
8) Bring back Willie, everyone loves Willie. Or even better just get Jack Black. My favorite part was hearing him talk about how much he loves being a soccer coach to these little kids while he was sitting buck ass naked in a hot tub. Somehow naked hot tubs and talks of children don?t seem to mix.
9) Start and finish times; 3:30 am to 5:30 throws my schedule completely off. Can we shoot for 1 ? 3 am?
10) Thanks for describing the cup sizes, lets make that a habit. Really feel free to be as descriptive as possible. When I compared notes with the other neighbors we weren?t exactly sure who had what. Maybe repeat your name after the description.
11) After this weekend we will have two more neighbors. They will be living upstairs and I am guessing will have a pretty unobstructed view. I do not know if they will find you as funny as I do. Maybe an invite for them?
12) Bathroom use, kudos to all of you who got out of the hot tub! The couple of you who didn?t??.shame!
13) The ass smacking, although it sounded solid I think needs some work. Don?t be shy really get after it! After all, your drunk and you?ll need something to remember it by.
14) If you find yourself in a lull, feel free to just yell boobies or cocktail for no apparent reason.
15) Last rule, please only very attractive naked hot tub party attendees. Unless you follow strict rules of bringing them home after I have gone to bead. Which will allow me to imagine it is Halle Berry, Jessica Alba and Pam Anderson in your hot tub.
Last weekend rather then get mad and try and sleep, I thought screw it, I?ll just listen to the show. 20 feet away just isn?t far enough to stop sound. Thanks for the entertainment.
Your neighbor who knows better then to be a hypocrite
The day my neighbors have their moving van out front I hear a knock at my door. Its my friend and neighbor who is holding a 8 1/2 x 11 paper titled "To my naked hot tub party neighbors". He said "Hey, they want you to autograph this". How freaking funny. We always wondered if they had read it. Especially since the parties stopped. Word to the wise in the new neighborhood. Don't post on www.craigslist.com or you may just end the shows. Thanks again guys. Enjoy the new digs! You are famous "Best of Craigs List 2005" Your neighbor, DBM